Day 65 - Some bad news...

Still feeling pretty groggy I received some bad news today that this week will not be my last week with the picc line in my arm.  The nurse advised that they have ordered another week.  I have another MRI scan scheduled for next week before I meet with the doctors again to review my programme.  It will be interesting to know how much has changed if there are any.

I managed to do some paper work today which was good.  Get my brain going.  I've decided to have an early night tonight, my body feels cold.  I'll be heading to the doctors tomorrow with my dad as he is not feeling well either.

Another night with a great meal and my mum still doesn't want to share her recipes.

Tonight is a short blog because I'm feeling so tired and really worn out but I hope that you have all had a great day today.

Day 64 -....Day 1 of reducing pain relief

It was a cold day today in Wellington!  I hate thinking about my girls going to school in the rain.
My parents are not well at the moment but they are doing their best to take care of me and my family.  The dinners have been awesome!!!  Will really miss my mum when she leaves.  I'm sure Dan will too :)  Interesting that she will not share any of her recipes though.  Greedy I think :)  It's funny hearing my parents with my girls.  My dad talks to them exactly how he used to talk to me and my brothers except without the ear-clipping :)  My mum has been great and taught them a new song which Mira has already begun to sing variations of and making us all laugh.

So today is Day 1 of reducing the pain relief.  I'm trying not to worry too much about the pain.  My body is aching and I do feel like I'm coming down with the cold.  My throat was sore yesterday and I have been feeling the hot flushes.  I'm going to have an early night tonight.  My body is aching.

But before I go...I was watching this programme about a couple on deathrow.  They were convicted of abducting and killing 13 girls and their son.  While the FBI were convinced that there were more girls killed they tried to get the locations of those girls out of the husband.  They were also convinced that the wife was the innocent party and believed that she did not kill their son.  The couple were to be electrocuted on the same night, an hour apart.  The husband first and then the wife.  The wife had always known that her son was alive which would prove her innocence and therefore she would not executed.  The FBI felt that she should be saved and therefore sought out her son and found him.  The wife had pleaded that she is at peace with the life that she lead with her husband and that she made the right choice in giving up her son (her husband thought she killed their son - which he wanted.).  She knew that if her son found out who his parents were it would influence his life.  He was adopted into a wealthy family who cared and loved him as their own.  He had won a scholarship and was an accomplished musician.  The FBI gave in to the wife's pleading and did not tell the boy who his mother was.  The wife was then executed with the peace that her son was free from her husband and living a good life.  One which she could not give.

Watching this programme I think about those women who had to give up their children because of whatever reason and how hard that decision would have been.  This happened to a good friend of mine. I felt sad for her when she would tell me how hard it was to give her away when she gave birth.  My friend was barely out of her teens herself but I remember seeing those tears that a mother would only have when they had lost their child.  The right thing to do would have been to reveal the son so that the wife/mother would be set free.  What a difficult decision for the wife/mother to make and for the FBI agent also.

I talk about choices and decision so much because a lot of us do not realise the power we have in making choices/decision in our lives.  We make choices every day.  What tooth paste to use.  Whether to make our bed in the morning.  Whether to have breakfast before we leave home.  No matter how big or small our choices are, these choices mould our character, our person.  For the wife/mother, the decision she made to give away her son so that her husband would not find out, moulded her into a strong woman, one of faith that her son will have a better life than the one that she could give.

I made a choice ten years ago to become a born again christian and my life has never been the same again.  Nor did I expect for my life to ever turn out the way it has thus far.  Illness or no illness I hope that my future will be one that is moulded from the good and Godly choices I make from today onwards and that my children and husband will be proud of.

Day 63 - Good news....

It was hard to believe when the nurse coordinator told me today that this would be my last week with the antibiotic infuser (picc line in my arm).  That would make this week my 6th week with this antibiotics! Wow!  I told the coordinator that the pain relief has worked really well so this week I can start weaning off the pain killers.  I was excited when I told Dan and I followed on with "Yay I can start exercising".  Well that idea was quickly squashed with his "but you still have to take it easy".  Oh poos :).

My girls stayed home today and hung out with my parents.  I slept in, until my nurse arrived.  She made it up my driveway.  Thankfully the driveway was dry so there wasn't going to be any slip 'n slides today!.  Remember those? slip 'n slides? who didn't use a tarpaulin and dish washing liquid?? there were plenty a skid marks during those summers :)  My brothers would know.

Interesting I received a number of calls today from one of the patients I met in hospital.  I must return her call tomorrow.  Also from an old school friend.  It was good to hear from them.  I can't believe that this is the last week of July.  I will be heading back to work soon.

I'm feeling really groggy today.  My throat is aching and I nose is all stuffy.  It felt nice to just sleep the day away while my parents took care of my girls.  They really enjoyed their time together.

I got to spend some time catching up with my mum in the "kitchen".  We talked about what's going on in our lives.  I asked her questions about her past.  It was nice that she quickly shared it with me.  The rest week I'm sure will reveal more about my parents upbringing.  I don't know why I never asked them before.

I've spent a bit of time on facebook today, as we do. :)  It's interesting to see how people use the "what's on your mind" field.  I think it can be used too literally.  It can be a dangerous thing to do so because as we are all unique our words can be interpreted differently.  Someone once said that once it is out there (on the internet), you can never get it back.  I begin to wonder when personal things (our situations) are hung out to dry on facebook or bebo for all to see, it begs the question do people have positive supporters in their lives to vent to? to share their thoughts with? Something to think think about.

Well today starts my 10pm curfew on the laptop :) so I'm going to do my best to stick to it especially now that things are looking better for me health-wise.  Praise God!

Aunty playing Blockus with my girls

Before I sign off, here are some pics of my gorgeous family who have helped out recently....

Story time

Ready to go into the oven

Baking cookies

Uncle Junior working on Project Driveway

Uncle Junior making his famous banana cake

Making cookies with their cousin

With their Uncle Ben

Trip to the laundromat with their Uncle Ben

Eating the dinner Uncle Ben made

Cooking dinner with Uncle Guido

Day 62 - The Eagles have landed...

My parents arrived safely this morning.  It was good to see them.  Thankfully the Wellington weather was good today hopefully giving my parents a taste of what the week may be like.  They looked really happy to see my girls.

Today my nurse met me at church to do my check-ups and exchange the infuser.  Funny that the message at church this morning was about praying.  My sister and I talked about how prayer is an important part of our daily lives and connects us to our Father each day.  Something that always needs improvement.  Over the years that Dan and I have led the youth a common question would come about how one should pray.  Jesus gives us a good example of what a prayer should consist of.  Basically I think a prayer can be looked at in four parts: Acknowledgement, Forgiveness, Our Needs and Thanks.  Often when we think of prayers, we think of formality, something that is said for the sake of saying it, can be without emotion.  I've learnt to pray in a way that feels comfortable to me.  My prayers are like an open conversation with someone.  I like to talk to God about anything and everything that is happening in my life.  First I acknowledge that He is an Almighty God and that He makes all things possible in my life.  I ask Him to forgive me for the things that I have done wrong.  I ask Him for help on specific things in my life.  I pray for people in my life.  I pray that there are opportunities for me to talk to people about Him.  I pray that I am an example of a good person.  Lastly I give thanks for everything in my life and for the path that he has laid out before that I am yet to walk down.  Our girls are now praying on their own before they sleep, when they wake in the morning and before each meal.  We have taught them a standard prayer but we encourage them to say what is in their hearts.  So there has been many a morning/night where blankets are prayed for, lip gloss is prayed for, and the socks on their feet is prayed for.  As funny and cute as these prayers sound what is most important is that these are spoken from the heart.  That is something that God really wants to hear from us in our prayer.  Though He knows everything that we think and feel it is by confessing with your mouth that makes your needs real to Him and to yourself.  It is the action that follows the thought that it just as important.

This week will be a challenge for me, or perhaps more of an opportunity to rid of old behaviours when I am with my parents.  I love my parents dearly for all that they have done for me and my brothers.  I've lived away from my family for so long that I have developed a set of skills, a new mindset, new behaviours that only those that surround me at the moment can understand.  So by taking my skills/new mindset/new behaviours and using them to communicate with my family can be hard.  With my brothers it is easier because they, of course are New Zealand born.  So I take on the opportunity to really talk with my parents about my life, their life but mostly to try and communicate to them my appreciation that they did the best they could to raise me and my brothers.  Have you ever told your mum or dad that you love them? that you are grateful for what they have done for you and your siblings even though you do not quite understand?

Dan and I went to a combined church service with other AOG churches in the Wellington region.  We enjoyed the service and caught up with many of our friends.  We later took the opportunity to spend some quality time together and went out for dinner. (My girls stayed with my parents).  It was really nice, and something I think we needed for some time.  We reminisced about when we were dating.  On the way home I asked Dan how he now feels about my illness.  He promptly told me that I could do with more rest and use my time efficiently during the day to study.  Well that just put a damper on our date night :) and here I was expecting something along the lines of a lovey-dovey response.  After some quick fire exchange we agreed that I will be aiming to go to bed at 10pm each night and Dan will work on his list also.  I always try to make an effort to ask Dan how he is feeling because I know that most of the time he tends to keep it to himself because he doesn't want to burden me or perhaps its because he says that I tend to ask him and then interrupt him and talk about something I've done or am feeling.  I'm sure it's not the latter :)

I enjoyed my time with Dan tonight.  We arrived home to find my parents watching telly, with the lounge heater on full blow and snuggled up with a couple of duvets.  My girls had gone to be only half an hour before we arrived.  It will be interesting to see whether they will wake up on time for school.

Well it's very late.  I am absolutely amazed at the rate this blog is being read by people.  100 hits overnight is amazing!  I'm typing away in bed and Dan interrupts me saying that my typing is really loud (everyone is asleep).  I replied that I am typing with PURPOSE! :)....and that purpose is to share with you the goodness that God is doing in my life in particular during this time that I am ill.

Day 61 - Great Planning Meeting & Red Nail Polish

Dan had organised a planning day with other youth leaders from our region.  The purpose of the day was to develop a plan of activities that will strengthen the youth groups.  It was a great meeting, with a good turn out.  We were blessed with scrumptious cupcakes with cream topped with strawberries and rice bubble slices courtesy of Mrs Tofae's little helpers :).  The meeting started off with a quick ice breaker playing "Bop It".  If you haven't played this game yet, then you should run down to your local Warehouse and get it.  It's great fun. My girls love playing it.  A really good way to exercise your left and right brain :)  The rest of the meeting went really well and we came up with some short, medium and long-term activities for our Unified youth groups.  Really encouraged by all who attended.  I have had in my heart to use my skills and knowledge in Human Resources in particular the area of development, in my service for God and thankfully the opportunity has come along.  I put my hand up to design various workshops that will run in the next year or so that will cover a number of areas that the group agreed is a need for our youth.  It's such a great feeling to be surrounded by people who support each other and encourage each other to step up to the mark.  I really enjoyed today's meeting and truly believe that God will move in our plans.

We then spent a couple of hours with our girls.  Dan and I always find it important that as much as we serve in our ministry we always let our girls know what's going.  Today they understood that we were in a meeting today for a period of time and that we needed them to be on their best behaviour and then following the meeting we will spend some time together.  By letting our girls know what's going on they don't feel any resentment towards us.  We show them how we must fulfil our commitments.  We always ensure that in our busy day of meetings, we make time with our girls.  We have always made the effort to do the best that we can to commit to what we say to our girls and in return they have done the same thing to us.

I spent some time thinking about the relationships I have with my family and friends in my life.  I am very fortunate at this age that I have the relationships that I have.  I have decided this year to let people know what I think/feel about things but in a way that my message will be received and in an appropriate time.  Often we say things at the wrong time and we never achieve what we set out to do.  But this year, I have decided that I am not going to withhold my feelings and let it boil inside me to the point where I begin to think the worst of the situation.  And to be honest, it is a great feeling to get things off my chest.  My relationships with people are a lot better because I have not allowed my feelings to stir within me.  I like to check in with people about our relationship and make sure that everything is okay.  I don't think this is about worrying too much, I think it's more about caring enough to change my attitude to improve the relationship and if things are still the same then I know that it isn't me that needed to change but at least I have done what I can.  I know that I am not perfect but I'd like to think that I am doing my best to improve things that matter to me in my life.

Later in the evening, my in-laws came over to watch some rugby game that was on :).  My sister and I were catching up in the kitchen.  With my family coming down in these past 3 weeks I haven't had a lot of time with her whereas normally we see each other almost everyday.  I love being in the kitchen.  Not because I like to cook or bake but I have the fondest memories in the kitchen. During family gatherings and church events I would be in the kitchen helping out which I didn't enjoy but it's the conversations that I had with family and friends that I always remember.  We would laugh and joke about things that have happened in our day, share personal secrets, sing random songs and just have fun.  So when my sister and I are in the kitchen we talk and laugh about a lot of things.  I always say what's said in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen :) A good snap with the towel was always fun too :)  When my sister used to complain about doing chores in the kitchen I would tell her about how I felt the same way but then enjoyed it because I had fun being with my cousins and just laughing and sharing things.  It definitely made our time in the kitchen go by a lot faster.  And now my sister smiles more than she frowns in the kitchen :).

My parents arrive tomorrow.  I'm looking forward to having them here and spending time with my girls.  I'm going to pitch my idea to my dad about building steps on the margin of our steep driveway.  If he agrees, he'll have to work pretty fast 'cause he's not here for very long :)  I received a text from my cousin who will be flying down to help out in a couple of weeks.  I laughed when she asked in her text whether she had to cook because now she thinks she can't after reading all the good things that I've written about others who have cooked for us.  Ha!

I'm looking forward to church service tomorrow.  I have ironed my girls clothes and mine.  Dan irons his own clothes :)  It's going to be a good day tomorrow.  I really believe that I am a lot better now, and nothing like I was 60 days ago :)  Thank you so much for your prayers and support during this time.    I have received a lot of feedback about this blog and am so blessed to hear what people have thought about it and the things that really touched them.  I met one of Dan's friends at the mall today who told me that she had just finished ready this blog and she felt inspired.  I have had family who I didn't think would be reading this blog that are following this also and just feel really humbled by their comments.  To God be all the Glory for the goodness that He has done in my life.  Without Him I cannot do anything in my life.  I am a living testimony that with Jesus as my Saviour all things are good in my life.

So with preparing my clothes for church tomorrow I have splashed a dark shade of red on my nails for an inexpensive pamper and look forward to the new day that awaits me when the sun rises!!