When my situation challenges my perceptions of myself...

Since the life-threatening illness I had last year which I have since been cleared of in March, when I fall sick with something as simple as the flu...I fall hard!

I'm now into my first day staying home (but 2/3rd day feeling sick) and the left side of my face is swollen.  It is weighing heavily on my mind that I have had to cancel on a few things this weekend.  I hate disappointing people and not fulfilling what I set out to do for others.  But I sit here with my temperature going up and down all day.  Feeling cold, feeling hot, feeling drowsy. With a sore throat and red swollen face.  What will it take for me to slow down?! What will it take for me to re-prioritise my life?!  My health was priority for sometime last year, and how quickly it was for everything else to be placed above it as soon as I could start moving around and doing things again.

I love everything that I do in my life but it is so hard to pick and choose the things that I will need to give up either permanently or temporarily for the sake of my health!  I have some big decisions to make, and though I have the support of my family it really is me that is holding me back!  I need to lean more on my faith in that God will provide for me and my family!

I think my concern with leaving my career to be a stay-at-home mum is the thought of perhaps losing who I am.  As working has been a big part of my life in supporting my parents back home and now my family.  I know no other way than to contribute financially to family.  I feel that motherhood comes naturally and is not a contribution but something that I just do.  Now this is my own perspective and have total respect for those of my family and friends who are stay-at-home mothers.  But I often think that it is something that I don't think I can do.  Perhaps because I am thinking about how to juggle everything with work in my life.  My loving husband has complete faith and confidence that we will be okay, but I don't seem to share the same vision..yet.

I googled some articles/blogs on the topic of career vs staying at home for christian mums.  I love reading about how they rely so much on their faith.  Now just having a conversation with my husband he has convinced me of the benefits for our family.  So I am feeling better about what may lie ahead for me.  We will sit down as a family and decide what the future will bring.  God has done so much for me and I think it is time to start a new chapter in my life.  My parents have always told me that they would never worry about me because they knew I would be okay.  ....and I think I will be... :)

xx