Now I know better to allow any feeling of failure settle into my mind and heart after such an awesome weekend of servitude and blessings! But at the moment the feelings are settling in.
So this weekend past was my first Sunday preaching. Not that it should matter what day of the week you preach, because the day of the week is irrelevant. I preached a message about "Becoming a ChangeThinker" at our first BUILD UP service which our youth group Bless'Em organised. It has been such a full-on week which has definitely led me to over-exert myself. Not because I wouldn't delegate to others and share the load. But because I had a standard, and expectation of how the first service should be and so I did my best to see that through. Evaluating the weeks leading up to the service and the service itself, I think miscalculated the importance of certain things among others.
I am trying to develop a style of preaching that allows me to be frank, honest and relate-able. Developing this new style has helped me to control my emotions when I preach. It's so difficult to do when I talk about how great my God is. What triggers my emotions is the desperation to convince people that a life with God is so good, and that they are really missing out.
I received a lot of positive feedback but I couldn't help but feel surprised because I doubted myself straight away. Now I know that is really stupid and I'm not writing this to get sympathy comments from people. But I am putting it out there and wonder whether other preachers feel the same. The feeling of..."Did I do a good job?".
Now knowing that if this was someone else sharing this with me, I would say to not doubt yourself. If you feel that the message you received is one that you felt God wanted to share then there is no room for doubt. The result was that there were 9 souls saved. Not that it was due solely to the Word, but a collective ministering by the youth....well actually only God will really know what part of the service really touched these 9 souls.
I know I'm being really silly. I did not fail. I set out to do my best. My aim was to set the standard/expectation on organising a service that reflects the perspective of Kingdom residents. I believe I achieved that. My hope is that it really has encouraged our congregation to widen their perspective in serving God with a renewed mind.
My encouragement from last night's service was based on Romans 12:2 NLT. It will take time to come to understand God fully. For some of us it will take a lifetime, for others much sooner. But once we make the decision, once we change our minds to allow Him to make a dramatic change in our lives, we will see in His timing how GOOD and PLEASING and PERFECT our life can be with Him. And it will be so great that we will want to tell others about it.
My life is good right now. It is a journey that I'm taking. And I'm prepared to put in the hard work. I have done what I can in my service. Now it's time to do things for myself, and get my personal goals back into perspective. The next time I preach....I aim to be smaller physically, bigger spiritually and mentally!!!
Be encouraged xxxxx
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