Reminiscing....

It is a public holiday today for Wellingtonians.  What started off as a grim day turned out to be really nice.  Clear blue sky.  Our church had a bbq and volleyball.  With not feeling well lately, today I could feel something that was making me uncomfortable.  I took some panadol and waited it out.  I was hoping to play some volleyball to get some exercise in today.  Everyone seemed to be having some fun.  But unfortunately it didn't seem to get any better.  So here I am back home and I felt compelled to read over the first few entries of my blog.  It has been 8 months now since I started writing this blog and yet I don't feel like I am completely out of the woods.Which stinks because we have 3 x biggest loser challenges scheduled for this year, and I really wanted to work hard.  I suppose I can still try but do it at a slower pace.

As I read through my blog I am reminded of how hard it was for me to feel ill and not knowing what was going on with my body.  Through my words I could see the impact/effects this illness was having on my family.  I think back to the time I wrote this blog.  I never really understood how it effected people until I received private messages of kind thoughts and tears from my dear friends and family.  It was so heart-warming.  Even today I am reminded to continue writing.

I am blessed that you are still with me on this journey...

Week 3 into 2011...

I was reminded by my sister-in-law to hurry up and add a new post! :) so here I am.

Since December I have been involved in our church's Family Portrait Fundraiser.  We were very successful and gained a lot of interest in Auckland.  So last week saw me and my youngest sister-in-law fly to Auckland for 4 days to hold our fundraiser there.  Wow what a busy weekend.  I was so tired by the time we hit Sunday.  I was trying to get as much rest as I could in between times but I couldn't feel my legs at one point from all the standing!  The fundraiser was a success and we had achieved what we set out to do.  We met a lot of beautiful families and reunited with a few.

It was a great opportunity to work alongside my family who pulled together and did a great job!!!  I felt so blessed.  On Sunday it was my first paid gig as the main photographer for my best friend's older brother's wedding. ha! mouthful.  I was glad that it was an intimate setting.  Such a beautiful couple and very much in love.

Here are a few pics taken from the weekend.

I really do feel the strain on my body when I've done so much.  I feel so motivated to do things as the photography has been a success.  But again my health has been made 3rd, 4th priority.  Now after a week at work I am keen to get back into exercising again.

There are some great things ahead this year for my family.  With Dan returning to contacting it will relieve pressure on me having to go to work.  I can finally finish my studies this year!!!  I look forward to wearing my cap and gown for my family and my girls!!!

Tomorrow I'll be spending some much needed time with my girls.  Just me and my girls.  So tonight I cleaned my house so that tomorrow will be dedicated to them.  As I cleaned bathroom number #3 :), I felt really blessed and found myself worshipping Him even in that moment.  Despite all that I lack in my spiritual life, God continues to bless my family.  Never had we imagined to be living in such a beautiful home that would accommodate our big families and He has answered our prayers!!!

The theme that runs through my mind at the moment is about "preparing my fields".  I see myself as a worker in the fields.  Working to bring people to know about God through my actions, my character, my knowledge of Him.  I need to prepare my fields for the rain.  Our Lord could arrive at any time when we least expect it and I want to be ready!!

Our God is an awesome God and He is so wonderful.  Though my behaviour at times does not reflect that I believe He is wonderful, but in my Heart He will always remain!!

2011.....New start.....

The fourth day of the new year is drawing to a close.  My goals to improve my health is going well having gone for walks.  Today I walked for 1.5 hours.  I managed to get some quiet time with God during a 5 min break.  I was meant to walk with some family members but they hadn't woken up on time so I thought to go ahead.  No more excuses.  Having had only 4 hours sleep and getting up before 7am, I did okay.  I've been feeling so bloated lately.  I won't let that deter me from hitting the pavement.  I've been really motivated by another friend who has already lost 30 kgs.  His faith and action is getting him through the challenges he participates in.    So at this stage I'm positive that I can keep at it.  Work starts next week so I will start hitting the gym again.

My house is now ready for our Auckland guests to arrive tomorrow.  I'm looking forward to spending some time with my cousin and her family.  I've been very fortunate, very blessed that my family over the past 7 months have had the opportunity to come down and visit/support us.  I look forward to many more opportunities God has prepared for us this year.  

The Word over the weekend talked about understanding that we are no longer orphans but we have a Father in Heaven who loves us unconditionally.  A great reminder that even in our loneliest of times, we are not alone.  I love hearing the scripture about Jesus telling Simeon to caste his nets out into the sea.  Through obedience and faith the nets were filled beyond what they could contain.  Like our plans we can never fully understand why God asks us to do things, but it's with faith and action do we see the blessings.  "Faith and Action".  Like James 2:17 NIV says...faith without action is dead.  I can serve as much and as hard as I can but if my faith isn't in its right place then what's the point.  I have just wasted my time.  Even with the exercising I'm reminding myself to use the time to have a conversation with God.  My friend reminded me that by keeping my "temple" in good health, I can live a longer therefore serving Him more.

I don't really feel that I've had a break these Christmas/New Year Holidays.  All the late nights are self-inflicted of course.  My house is in order which is good but I still feel like I need some sort of release.  I'm certain my time will come to download or shout out :).  

I do love my life, my husband and my girls.  I do think I need to work on showing my affection more.  Coming from a staunch family, I do feel awkward at times when showing affection.  I sometimes have the mentally that I don't have time to hug my husband because I have dinner to cook, the laundry to clean.  I always have at the back of my mind, an email that I received about a mother writing a letter to their child apologising for the little time they have together etc.  I do try to give my girls the attention they want/need.  I do see a positive change in their behaviour when I listen to what their needs are.  Often we focus so much more on outside relationships that we overlook the important relationships that are right under our noses.  I ask for God's strength and patience to persevere with the important relationships in my life.

Reflections, Reflections

How quickly has this year gone!!!  January 1st tomorrow!

It's a beautiful day in Wellington today, and I'm sitting up in bed with the curtains drawn.  Girls are in their room watching the Cinderella Story DVD for the upteenth time and Dan is crashed out.

It's amazing how the last day/weeks of the year can bring people to reflect on their lives and make plans to change things for the better in the year to come.  There are so many status changes about reflections in facebook at the moment.

Because I'm a "list" person, my reflections for 2010 are:

• First three months I had set a goal and had lost some weight...
• Passed one paper in the first semester, transferred the other...
• Hitting May, I fell sick...
• out of work for three months!!
• So many family members stayed with us to help...
• Bought new house in July - thank you God!
• Back to work in Aug was hard!
• My God-father passed away... :(
• Moved into our new house in September - thank you God
• Taken on so much and feeling really exhausted
• Projects for church were a success - Movie fundraiser, Volleyball tournament, Photo fundraiser
• Holiday in November with my lil family was AWESOME! and much needed!

Despite the mid year flump with falling sick, it has been a very productive year.  What I could have done better was to spend more "quality" time with my girls and taking care of myself.

Next year will be another full on year with completing my degree (Finally!!!).  Taking care of my health.  Being a better mother to my girls, and loving wife to my husband.  There is potential for there to be a new addition to our household - but let's see what God's plans are :) 

So next year I will...

• strive to be a virtuous woman (Proverbs 31)
• take care of my health
• complete my studies
• more understanding and patient with my family

but most of all having complete faith that God knows what is best for me.  Though I serve Him in "public" activities I need to serve Him more in private.  That means more meaningful prayers, more conversations with God, my character is a reflection of Jesus' character.  If this is done, then all else will fall into place.

Every year we make new year's resolutions but what will set next year's resolutions apart from every previous year?  For me, it's about meaning.  If there is some meaning to my goal, some purpose then I believe I will more likely achieve my goals....

Thank you God for a great year of blessings and tests, I only pray that my service will be taken to the next level next year as my faith will be too!!!

Happy New Year everyone!

8 days 'til Christmas....

Where has the year gone?? It's crazy how quickly time is going now.  And to think I only really spent 9 months working and the other 3 recuperating.  It's been a crazy last couple of weeks.  At church we've been advertising a family portrait fundraiser.  This time we've decided to take the photos ourselves.  The feedback we've received so far has been really good.  We have taken pictures of at least 25+ families.  What a blessing.  Today was our 2nd day of shooting.  Met some beautiful families today.

I have not been well this past week.  Had taken two days off because I had developed a sty that has taken on a mind of its own.  I hadn't had one in years and then all of a sudden 5 pop up at the same time.  Bad timing with the shoot today.  I was a little worried with the back infection I had earlier so had gone into the hospital to double check that all is okay.  The eye specialist also thought that despite my condition being a normal sty, given my history I had to take precaution.  So back to drinking 6+ pills a day.  Not a great feeling but I will do anything not to fall sick again.  I was beginning to feel a little stressed with pressures and work, church and home (house is a mess!!!).  My husband is doing the best that he can and he is extremely busy himself.  Most of all he is really concerned about my earth and pleading with me to re-think my commitments and reminding me that my body is not what it used to be and that I really need to take care of myself first.

I had been thinking about and at times I do about why I commit myself to so many things.  I find that I have this desire to prove my worth to people especially those I love.  I must've felt growing up that I was worthless and needed to show people that I can be of some use.  And now I am pushing myself to doing so many things.  I have learnt to only take on what I can because I have a family now and whatever time I give to someone else, I give away that time I could have with my girls.  I have dedicated a bit of my time to this fundraiser this last month so I am looking forward to spending some quality time with my girls during this Christmas and New Year break.

My parents are here visiting.  It's great to see that despite my girls hardly seeing my parents (they live in Auckland, NZ) they can get along with them as if they have always lived in the same city.  I love that they have the time to share together.  Funny story, my dad was supposed to arrive to Wellington on Monday night.  My brother had taken my dad to the airport and at the check-in point were told that there were no further flights to Wellington.  My brother had insisted that my dad was meant to be boarding a flight to Wellington that night.  The attendant check the itinerary and pointed out that my dad was meant to board a flight from Wellington to Auckland.  A little embarrassed my brother withdrew apologetically from the counter and hurried my dad into the car.  Then anxiously called me non-stop leaving messages calling me ..something silly...for booking the wrong departure city!  My dad thought it was funny.  I on the other hand was not very pleased and after a few punches in the air I re-booked my dad's flights and so he arrived in Wellington the next day.  I think my dad was more concerned that I have been so busy that I wasn't concentrating properly on what I was doing.  I think he was right too.

So my girls have finished school for the year.  Next year my youngest will be starting primary school too.  I look forward to my girls going to the same school again.

I took photos of my sister-in-law the other night testing our new studio kit.  Really love the pics of her with the black background.  While I was snapping away, I asked her about her relationship with God.  Interesting seeing her expressions as I was shooting.  I found that her expression is very common.  Another reminder that I tend to have my actions in servitude overtake my faith and therefore lack of prayer kicks in.  Is it a bad thing to be focussing all my energies on serving Him with action that it is to serve with prayer?  Perhaps this is really where my desire to prove my worth comes from.  I know that I do not serve Him as well as I should through prayer that I turn to serving Him with action!  Because to me that feels like home.  I often doubt myself and think I'm just doing it to show everyone that I'm doing something.  But it isn't really.  I genuinely feel that I am serving my God.

Here are some pics from that mini-photoshoot:

I sit and look around my house and see that there is so much to do.  What comes to mind was a preaching I heard some years ago about your House being clean.  Not so much literally but your body, your heart, your spirit being clean.  And then I think about the outside reflecting how I feel, think on the inside.  I would say that the state of my physical house is pretty much reflecting the state of my spiritual house...but that will soon change this christmas holidays :)

What is the state of your House this season?