So much for Daily....

My entries have been few and far between!...So we're now in our new place and I love it!  My girls ran through the house screaming on the first day.  No problems so far.  Dan at the moment is trying to set up his entertainment system...sheesh :)  Absolutely love the functionality of the house.  It suits our needs!  We had a lot of help over the weekend which were truly grateful for.  My sister-in-law refused to have me lifting anything.  I am thankful that someone was watching me :)

My body is feeling sore and I'm a little worried which has reminded me that again I have taken for granted the blessings God has given me.  It is true that in our time of need we call on Him.  My immune system is pretty low I feel.  Today I needed to pick up my eldest and a family friend from their school holiday programme and because I had just finished tidying up the garage I was feeling very tired.  I was worried that I would fall asleep on the way to picking them up.  And of course I dangerously did!!!  I had my youngest with me who was a little frightened because I kept telling her to talk to me so that mummy wouldn't sleep.  We stopped off at a gas station to buy some "Red Bull"...goodness it really does give you wings! I was fine after that.  So much for relaxing tonight I nailed a few portraits and artwork up tonight.  Didn't have a hammer around (which I reminded my husband 3 times to collect from the old place and still forgot!), so used a can of spaghetti instead.  Handy it was! :)

Now that I feel settled I need to start reading again especially before my school work kicks in.  But more so I think my spirit needs it.  With my body feeling the way it is at the moment, I think it reflects my spirit feeling in need of some rejuvenating and hopefully then my body will follow.

I've been thinking a lot about how Dan and I have been very busy with settling into the new place and finding tenants for our old place that we have neglected our girls slightly we feel.  It shows in the way they are acting out at the moment.  I spent some time with my youngest colouring in her book which was nice.  I need to do more of it I think.

I look around my new place and feel that I am finally at home.  I dreamt of a home with exposed wood and I have it now.  God is good.  Speaking of dreams.  I had a dream the other night that was very vivid and later shared with Dan.  In my dream Dan and I were approached by a woman (who looked like the real estate agent that sold us our new place) offering us tickets overseas.  We didn't have passports on us but she was insistent that we needed to catch our flights that very minute and that we didn't need passports or any luggage for that matter.  Immediately (with hesitation on my part) we followed this woman to the airport holding onto our boarding passes.  I tried to grab Dan to talk to him about what we were about to do because I felt a weird sinking feeling in my gut that something big was going to happen.  Dan looked scared and certain that boarding the plane is what we needed to do.  I disagreed and could not bring myself to go with him.  In my amazement Dan boarded the plane without me.  We didn't even say goodbye to each other.  Next thing I find myself outside of the airport feeling heart broken that Dan could just leave me.  Snapping out of my misery I realised that people were running in all directions.  Some stood still and look to the skies pointing.  I was too scared to even imagine what they could be looking at.  I turned slowly to see what they were looking at.  My jaw dropped and I froze.  I couldn't hear anything but gaze at seemed to be balls of fire falling from the sky with black smoke trailing behind it and smashing into the ground around us.  On impact the sounds of screaming returned to my ears.  At that point I felt tapping on my shoulder and I turned around to find Dan standing there.  I couldn't believe that he was standing in front of me.  He came back!  We couldn't understand what was going on and then I remembered that someone told me that something big was going to happen on the 12th of this month.  I anxiously asked Dan what the date was and he said it was the 12th.  I told him that we had to get away and that this is the day that it was going to happen....that the world was going to end....

Now I hadn't watched anything of the armageddon nature before I went to bed that night.  But I still have some strong sense that something will happen very soon.  And I think about my life, my family, my illness and wonder whether this is a warning that my time will come soon.  I had this dream last week and then over the weekend the message that was shared at church was about not knowing what the time will be when our Lord returns to take us home.  We will never know what God's plans are but he warns us about always being prepared.  I am a big believer in the dreams that I have and that I think that when God can't reach me during the day, He reaches me in my dreams at night.

I need to be prepared for anything in my life.  I need to be more focussed.  To use my energy to fulfil God's purpose in my life and not waste it on things that are not of His will.

This week my aim is to be ready and focussed!!!

First day in new place.....

Siblings are so awesome....in times like these our siblings have pulled through and helped us out.  I have been told numerous times not to life a thing.  Which I'm thankful for because my body is taking the strain of living between homes and having to find tenants etc.  But God has been and continues to be good to me and my family.  We have found our tenants and they move in next week!  Only with God's grace and love over me and my family can we do anything in this lifetime.

I can't wait for my family to all come down and enjoy this new dwelling with us.  In the little things we Praise the Lord, in the big things we Praise the Lord!!!

15 days since last post!

I have just uploaded a post that I had written back when but hadn't published it.
It has been some time since I've posted anything.

In the past two weeks I have been keeping myself preoccupied with walking interested parties through our rental and packing our house down getting ready for the move.  We are close to finalising a few things with potential tenants so we are very blessed that we have been able to find people before we move into our place.  We still have a bit of work to do on the house before we move out.  Dan has been doing some work around the house which I am really happy about it.  Dan's view in the past was that if something was broken...sell it :P  I'm happy that he sees value in investing some time, sweat and dollars to fixing something up.  A shame that is has come when we are moving out.  But that is okay..we can't ask too much of our men :)

Things at work have been good.  Who would've thought that sitting at a computer all day can be so draining.  I now need to organise meetings with my customers so that it gives my body a break.  In the past week I have learnt that perception plays a big part in our lives whether it be at work, school, home, church.  No matter what your view is in life about caring for others opinions they still have an influence in our lives.  If not ours, that of our close family and friends.  Though we may not agree with those perceptions there is still an element of influence.  Having been sick for some time and will continue to have this for the rest of my life, the perception has been that I "look" well, therefore I must be well.  But the reality is that I know that I cannot work a full week.  My body is so drained.  From time to time I will have some boost of energy and I can be seen bending over cleaning the bottom of the shower, picking up heavy furniture and in those times the perception again can arise that I'm okay.  I have a lot of thoughts going through my mind about what others perceptions of me are when they see me do things or hear that I have done a lot of work.  If it is perceived that I can do this, then I begin to think of other things that I can do and in the end my body pays for it.

At my last appointment when the doctor told me that I am very fortunate and that others (patients) have not made it, it scares me a little.  I know that in beating this infection that God has such a great purpose for my life, but now I'm trying to regain strength to live out my purpose.  But other things get put on the back burner i.e. my school work.  It was my plan to graduate in May next year, but because this illness has taken a large chunk of my study time I have had to put off study this semester and focus on returning to work.  I have only just completed my first full week (4 days part-time) back at work.

In terms of my fitness, I'm wanting to do more but am afraid that I may damage my back.  Though there is no second thoughts about moving bookshelves around a room!  Images of the softened bone in my spine snapping comes to mind when I want to do some exercise.  Hopefully when the dust settles when we move into our new place and all is sorted with our rental I can concentrate on getting into shape.

I think about what will happen down the track as this infection will stay with me.  It is scary to know that others have died from this condition.  I still believe that will not be the case for me but it will mean for me to be extra careful throughout my life.  Trying to live a healthy lifestyle has never felt more real to me.

My girls understand that I need to take things a little easier and are always reminding me to have some rest and rubbing my back.  So loving.

This week will be our last week in our home before we move in to what will be our last home for the rest of our lives!!!! :)  After what has been a crazy year thus far it would be good to feel as though I am starting fresh again.....

I'll post some pics of our new place when we move in :)

Day 102 - 106 No family around...

My last appointment with my orthopaedic surgeon is on Monday.  It will be such a milestone!

Lately I haven't been feeling that way, unrelated to my back.  We're in the middle of moving house and with all the dust etc doesn't help how I feel.  I went to the doctor's yesterday and thankfully it was the same doctor that took care of me when I first had the back pains so she was very concerned about my current condition and prescribed antibiotics etc so to avoid any further infection growing again in my back.  Was so thankful.  I'm feeling better already.

So my family are in Melbourne for my husband's cousin's wedding.  Both my girls are in the line as flower girls.  My youngest says she's embarrassed and nervous.  Whereas the eldest is a pro, this being her fourth wedding now as a flower girl and has given her little sister a few words of encouragement.  I'm glad they could get some time away even if it is for five days.

This past week has been interesting, as I was cleaning out some things for our move I came across the diary that Dan and I kept when were dating.  Because we lived in different cities we had this thing that we would write about our day and when we would meet we would handover the diary for the other to write in.  I had started reading through the entries.  My hat goes off to those having long distance relationships...it's not easy!  I forgot how hard it was to be apart from Dan.  Amazingly God had blessed us with opportunities to see each other which worked out to be every month that we were apart.  In the same token there were a lot of dark entries of my last weeks at home.  The decisions we make in our lives determine the next steps down particular paths.  I'm fortunate enough that my decisions have led me to be happily married with two gorgeous girls, a great job, and surrounded by loving families.

Day 97 - 101 - WHOA!!! over 100 days...

Day 101 Whoa!!! Amazing!!!  God has been so good to me on this journey.  I am much stronger than I was on Day 1 but I know that there is still a bit more to walk on this path of healing!!!

So I had an appointment with the docs last week at the Wellington Hospital.  It was my first time there.  Beautiful hospital, so many different waiting rooms and coloured seats for specific doctors. sheesh.
My appointment was short and quick.  Basically the doctor felt that there wasn't a need to see him in the future.  I asked about the impact on my spine through carrying a child to full-term during pregnancy.  It is a low risk for me.  Thank goodness! I felt relieved.  Our plans to have more children will go ahead :)

These past week has been filled with stressors, truths, realities but overall love that our family will pull through this mini-storm we are going through.  Our God is a great God and I believe that He knows what is right for us.  We have plans to move into our new place very soon but need tenants or buyers for our current home.  I do love this place because it's nice and has been our home for almost five years but like my eldest sang today "You can't always get what you want!" (a cover from the hit show Glee).

We celebrated Father's day today.  I am so thankful for the loving husband that I have and the love he has for our children.  He leads this family with a strong belief that walking down God's path will see us prosper!  I miss my dad though.  My dad is in his 60s and he has done so much for me and my family these past couple of years.  He is so strong.  When we think about our parents growing old and becoming fragile we assume that they no longer have plans of their own and begin to make plans for them.  I've come to realise that there are stages in our lives that we plan for; making a commitment to someone, starting a family, seeing our children grow up and leave us, and then retirement.  I've tried hard since I left home to prove to myself and my family that I can make something of myself and in return support them.  I have worked so hard and gone full steam ahead and have forgotten to take my family (parents and brothers) along with me.  Growing up I never thought that I would have learnt anything from my dad but I now believe that I have.  I see it in the way that I raise my girls, in my relationship with my husband.  I can definitely see that I have taken the good from my upbringing and applied it to my own little family.  I am so thankful for my dad.  I don't think I let him know enough though.  At times it is hard to bring to the surface how we really feel about our parents and family.  The last time my dad was with us I couldn't even bring myself to say thank you to him as he boarded his plane.  I felt this emotion build up in my throat to the built that it took my voice away.  Didn't stop the tears from falling though.

This message is dedicated to all our fathers.  Though we as your children may not show it, we really are listening with a loving heart :)