Must be on the right track....

How great is it to know that when you feel that you are following the right path, and then you hear the messages during church it is exactly in line with how you've been feeling lately.

This morning our church band sang Dan Zeltner's song "Turn to you".  How beautiful it was to be reminded to focus on Jesus.  That has been my prayer every day for the past couple of weeks.  As it will always be for the rest of my life.  With all the busyness I face in my day-to-day life, God will never disappoint me or turn me down.  As the world will continue to set high expectations for me, look down on me, raise its eyebrows to me...I will do as my girls do...."It doesn't bother me"..my focus is on Jesus...

As the song was sung during service, about ten minutes earlier I had just growled off my eldest at the back of the church for misbehaving.  Now standing back in our row, I relaxed into the words of "My soul finds rest in You God alone...My rock of safety, the one I depend on...I won't be shaken, I will stand firm in you" I could hear my Pastor asking everyone to turn to the person next to them and greet them.  At that point I had my arms raised and just meditating on the words and music of this song.  I could feel people tapping my arm but I just couldn't open my eyes.  I was fixing my eyes on Jesus.  I could feel like this bubble of air building up inside of me.  Starting from my chest and it grew and worked it's way through to my throat.  Tears started to well and run down my cheek.  In my mind, I was looking towards heaven with my eyes opened.  Seeing a beautiful bright white light and then I opened my mouth....and I screamed out Jesus' name.  I had not felt that way for a long time.  Crying uncontrollably asking for forgiveness for allowing other things to take my focus off of Him.

The messages today continued from this song and talked more about remaining focussed on what it is that I am trying to achieve.  Finishing the race.  Persevering through hardship.  It felt so right to be hearing these messages and reinforced my decision to live by faith.

Today I had a family portrait session with a young family who in the past year had experienced what most families so young would not have experienced.  I was so blown away by the energy and life in this young mum and her three young boys.  I probably spent most of my time yelling out to the boys and running after them but I had fun.  It was a reminder to me to keep to my regime of getting in shape.  Hearing the inspirational story of this young mum, put a lot of things into perspective for me and again reinforced today's messages about remaining focussed.  Every person has an opportunity that is a result of another.  We can either choose to see them or not.  I believe it is in walking in faith that you will be able to see things a little clearer, a little brighter.  When our opportunities make sense and flow on positively from another, I am certain that we are being watched over.

Right now Dan and I have been working with some boys from our youth, who like to spend a lot of time with us.  We try our best to help them where we can.  The lesson I have learnt in working with them, is not so much about them, but about my own family.  I can only help others when I am able to help my family fist.  Seeing my opportunities arise from working with these boys, I see the opportunities that I am missing from strengthening my relationship with my girls.  As much as Dan and I feel that we are being called to help youth, we are firstly called to be parents.  I feel that I can do a better job at paying attention to the needs of my family.  My girls and I will be in Auckland for ten days, I will take this opportunity to give them the attention I need to as their mum.

Dan, the boys and I are watching "Freedom Writers".  This movie is a must see.  The scene is about an english class of wannabe gangstas turned english enthusiasts listening to a woman who once took care of Anne Frank and her family.  A student stood up and called the woman his hero.  She replied "she is not a hero, but what she did was the right thing to do".....

Too often we try to take on too much and subconsciously try to be the 'hero' and before long we miss the opportunities we should focus our energies on.  Focussing on Jesus is again my aim for this week.  I talked to a young girl, new to our youth group today, about living a Christian life.  I think people avoid because they think you have to be absolutely perfect straight away.  But in reality we are only human, we are built with weaknesses.  It's what we do with those weaknesses that determines our next steps.  Just like walking with Jesus will help us to see things clearly.  We can only try to live a good life and in that we will realise that we need to pass on the good news to others....that is....they can live a good life too.

Focus on Jesus....  xx

Here is the video to the song that touched my heart today...

One year on....

This week marks one year since I fell sick.  I am thankful for the year gone past...

Last Friday I celebrated my birthday.  My day was spent working on my assignment which I have procrastinated in doing and had already worked right up to the last minute on my 2nd extension!  We had youth on Friday which I still went along to.  We taught our youth a new song called "Paradise" by Adeaze.  It had a really strong message about not quitting.  The youth really got into it.  Later that night I returned home and finished my assignment at 4am.  What a burden off my shoulders it was, once I submitted it.  I wouldn't have enjoyed the awesome surprise my husband planned for my birthday otherwise.

So the next morning I slept in until 10.30am.  Dan told me to make sure I was ready by 12pm for my driver to pick me up.  I was trying not to think about what Dan had planned and just enjoyed the moment.  So I was almost ready and heard the horn beep.  I looked out the window and was so pleased to see my best friend Eleanore....what a blessing.  I was so glad to see her.  Just the look on her face was making me more excited.  She was telling me that my husband had done well to organise my day.  So off we went towards the Hutt.  We parked by her office and walked to where I would receive my second gift (El being my first ;) ).  Dan had organised for me to receive a full body massage.  I was so happy because after staying up so late to finish my assignment, it was something that I definitely needed.  I lay on the bed feeling relaxed and starting thinking about my husband and how much he has grown in the time we have been together.  I felt so blessed that I started to sniffle.  Only once has Dan really surprised me which was Valentines Day 2001.  I was living back in Auckland and Dan in Wellington.  He arranged with my cousin Anita to organise all these gifts and flowers around my workstation so that when I returned to my desk after a breakfast break with my work mate I walked in to find my desk covered with all the gifts.  I was so surprised I started crying.  Since then as you do his efforts had resorted to last minute jewellery gifts which I remember at one time I asked him to return them as I would much rather do something with him like go on a day trip, then to receive jewellery.  He accepted my request and since then has been trying so hard.  Another time for my birthday he had arranged the day off work and organised for us to travel to Picton on the ferry.  I had never been to the South Island.  It was such a beautiful trip.  I was thankful.

So back to lying on the bed and sniffling.  I reflected on my life and thanked God for the life he has given me.
After the health spa we walked back to her car.  I was then told to wait as our driver would arrive shortly.  When they finally arrived and stepped out of her car to find my family waiting.  My girls were all dressed.  I was so happy because I wanted to share my day with them.  Dan had organised lunch for us in Wellington city at a beautiful Japanese restaurant called Wagamama.  A must dine in place.  I was so thankful that Dan was being conscious of the healthy living I was trying to achieve.  After our late lunch, El took our girls home while Dan and I enjoyed our evening at the movies.  What a beautiful day.  I am truly blessed with what I have.  There is no way I would have achieved everything and enjoy the little luxuries in life without God in my life!  I am so thankful.

Dan's attention to me that day reminded me of a conversation that we had recently... about our relationship and feeling complacent.  I noticed that in my girls behaviour they tend to get quite snappy with each other, and I thought about my relationship with Dan.  I felt at times that our girls were mirroring our behaviour towards each other.  I raised this with Dan, and told him that we need to keep our marriage alive by making time for each other.  Keeping our relationship fresh.  I am so truly thankful for my husband and his heart to serve God.  If God wasn't a big part of his life I think he may have interpreted my concern as a reflection of him not doing what he is supposed to as a husband and father.  I told him that I would no longer wait for him to guess what I'm thinking if I feel that we need to spend time with him.  I feel that would be unfair to him as men and women are built in their own unique way.  Where men are weak in areas, women are stronger and vice versa.  So to be fair to Dan and to avoid any unnecessary angst towards each other, I would let him know what's on my mind and my heart.  I think that is fair....

The Word this weekend and especially this morning talked about changing our mindset to be like Christ and serving like Christ.  God came to earth in human form so that we would come to know him in the flesh.  As Jesus came to earth to serve others, so must we.  I pray with my girls in the morning to thank Jesus for being the example of how we should behave, forgive and care for others.  We go through life looking up to our role models, and when they fall, our hearts fill with sadness or anger that we turn to other things to fill that void in our lives.  We need to remember that even our role models are only human.  Role models make mistakes.  As do we.  We are not perfect.  But why not look to Jesus as our role model.  I am encouraged again this week to take on the mindset of our Christ and to continue to serve others.

In my leadership paper it talks about "Servant Leadership".  Leading others through our faith, through our service.  This is different from general leadership.  Servant Leadership is leading without the intention of becoming a manager or a Chief Executive but having the characteristics, again, of one with faith and humility.

Humility.  I love that word.  It always makes me feel that there is something greater than me.  That there are others that desire more of my attention my service in my family, my circle of friends, my community.  Humility.  Even to my own children I need to display that.  I am very much the believer of trying to teach my children the basics to living before the world does.  In doing so, humility is very much a big part of that journey.

I will be going home in a couple of weeks to spend time with my family.  I am looking forward to seeing them all.  I only hope that I can continue to be the example to them of how great one's life can be when you believe in something greater than the treasures of this world.  I will continue to train my mind to be Christ-like and every thing else will follow.

I am so blessed and thankful for everything I am given.  The opportunities, the near-opportunities, the experiences.  All of it.  So thankful. xx

Wearing the right shoes....

Interesting how God's message speaks to me through the different things I do each day.

I enjoyed listening (and translating) today's message from Ephesians 5: 14 - 16.  I love to hear messages that remind me to keep checking myself in everything that I do.  I try to make it a point to people that it always pays to keep yourself in check.  We cannot assume that the way we live our lives is the way that it should always remain.  We should evolve just as time in general evolves.

I was translating today's message to a gorgeous young individual who recently joined our youth and the message that I took in was an extension to being careful about how we live our life, not as a fool but as a wise person.  We were encouraged to walk the straight right path while wearing the right shoes.

Walking a straight and righteous path would reflect our purpose, our beliefs in this life.  To do so we would need to equip ourselves with the right tools.  Going for a walk, we wear shoes that are appropriate for our journey.  An example...wearing stilettos all day may look good...but I'm pretty certain your feet would disagree.  In order for us to do what we need to, to fulfil our walk we need to wear the right shoes, otherwise wearing the wrong shoes will see us not completing our walk...(and icing our feet :p).

Wearing the correct shoes may seem insignificant but when you miss those little things while on a journey..(like your toothbrush) it can really throw you off your path.  Like your shoes and your toothbrush, having the right tools, characteristics, skills, personalities, talents to help us on our journey is very important.  Along our way we may not be the best person for a particular job, but may be the exact person that someone needs to help them in their situation.  The "shoes" that we wear can help us at those exact times.

This past week, I have been wearing my "slippers", I have been taking advantage of my time to catch up on sleep, and relaxing.  At the back of my mind, I have assignments due, projects due at work, daily home responsibilities, church responsibilities etc and every second day I put on my runners to do some exercise.  At work I wear the same shoes because they're comfortable and easy to slip on as I head out the door, and  now my beautiful silver ballet slippers are worn out.  Despite the different shoes I wear each day, I am now, having heard this message, more conscious of the shoes I put on for every situation...e.g. work, exercise, home.  When I put my runners on to do an hour of exercise, I feel like I'm taking control.  That I have a purpose to fulfil, that is to be healthy, but applying that to everything else I do in my life I need to complete each task that I'm given.  With all the sweat the drips from my brow when I work out when I try to beat my target distance and calories set, I need to have that same determination when I complete my projects at work, assignments, family and church responsibilities.  I think I will try to wear my "runners" all week :)

What a great message, and reminder to continue to keep myself in check because our days are numbered and there is so much to do on this earth...to LIVE WITH A PURPOSE. xx

Whose life am I changing?

I'm about to watch a DVD with Dan, and the trailer for the "Blindside" came up.  Sandra's family had taken in a homeless african-american kid into their home.  Supported him through school and eventually he made the college football team.  Amazed at the commitment that Sandra's character has made to this kid, her friends comment that she has changed the boy's life, and her response was "No, he's changing mine!".

That alone, made me think....whose life am I changing?  I printed out my blog today, and was surprised that it turned out to be a 120 page book.  Reading through previous posts, I read comments by friends and families.  Their positive comments about how my blog has had some impact on their lives is encouraging to me.

Whose life am I changing? my own? my family's? my friend's?  Am I really making a change?  

I think it's important to question my motives, my intentions to doing anything in this life? If we don't keep checking ourselves how will we ever be aware of the impact (or lack of) that we have.  It isn't a matter of doubting ourselves and our abilities but understanding fully our purpose.  

Just some random thought to share....Whose life am I changing?  

I know that God has been speaking to me this week about the little things that I need to be faithful about.  I have important things that I need to get on with but I am procrastinating.  As much as I try to multi-task, there is really only a few things that I can do at the one time.  I spread myself so thin, that I end up giving 40% to everything that I do, rather than 100% to a few things, completing those tasks then moving onto the next.

How is it that I am concerned with what I am doing to change someone else' life when I haven't fully accomplished my own.  Now this is a dangerous thought to have, as it is thoughts like these that can prevent us from ever stepping forward to doing things for people.  I don't think we were made to live only for ourselves and for those close to us.  We were made for much greater things.  

In thinking about my life as a Christian I often think about times where I return home to Auckland and being surrounded by my family and friends.  It's interesting that when you return to your roots, your behaviour changes becomes more relaxed.  Though I'm visiting family for a holiday, at times it also feels like a holiday from living as a Christian.  I've found that when we return to a place where we feel comfortable and are surrounded by people who knew our past or understood our journey we tend to slip back into old habits and yet when we fall we are with the very people that we are trying to encourage to live such an amazing life with God...Whose life am I changing?

I was talking with a colleague this morning on the way into work and our conversation lead into talking about "bucket lists".  A list of things to do before you "kick the bucket" ...before you leave this earth.  She talked about all the things that she wanted to do, and one of them being her trip to Greece next week.  Greece is definitely on my bucket list too.  I'm sure everyone has a list of the many places they'd like to see, the life-threatening activities they want to do, and yet these all reflect little pieces of happiness that would last for a moment.  I agree that when these are accomplished, it is a great feeling. But what an even greater feeling it would be to know that you have changed a life other than your own or that of your immediate family.

hmmm....amazing how from a 3 second snippet from a movie trailer has inspired this post....

Each day this week I will be asking myself..."Whose life am I changing?" xx

What is more important ..to be their friend? or their mother?

With Mother's Day drawing near I'd thought I would write a blog about my experience of being a mum to my two gorgeous girls.

Often, I find myself struggling with walking the very fine line between being a "friend" to my girls, or being their mother.  Especially when it comes to situations where I clearly need to be their mother.  My girls are only 6 and 4 at the moment, and we have had many a heated conversation where I end up saying clearly that "I am not your friend, I am your mother".  As funny as that may sound when I reflect on the situations where I have had to say it to them, it is a really hard thing to say.  Of course every parent wants to get along with their children, but there will be a time where we need to show authority in our household and that authority should sit with the parents, not their children.  This doesn't mean that my girls do not have a voice (which they sure do! *remembers their shouting sessions in their bathroom*).

I try to keep my relationship with my girls very open and transparent.  As much as I want to give them what I thought was missing in my relationship with my own mum (and I say that lightly because perception can be a dangerous thing), I'm finding that I am a lot like my mum (and my dad).  There are a lot of life lessons that my mum has taught me that I am so appreciative now that I am older with my own family.  There was some sense in all the discipline and the loud (yellling) conversations that my mum and I shared.  I am forever grateful.

Growing up I used to envy the relationships that some of my friends had with their mothers (or my cousins with their mums).  Even now in my adulthood I see the same relationships around me, but with a different generation.  I see examples of mums being best friends, having the kind of relationship that provides little boundaries with their children.  Knowing everything and anything about what goes on in their lives but from the perspective of being their friend.  And then you have on the extreme end some who are the utmost disciplinarian, where there is total control over what their children do and who they hang out with, and yet they know nothing about what goes on in their children's lives.

There is a balance between being their friend and their mum.  But most importantly, I need to find what works for me and my girls.    We seem to be doing okay so far :).  There are times where I feel disconnected when I think about running the household, going to work, studying, serving at church.  With everything on, meeting my girls' emotional needs is probably one of the last things on my list.  I say emotional needs, because often we tend to think that by taking care of their wellbeing etc we think that everything is okay.  But I am thankful that my girls are strong and confident enough to let me and Dan know that at times all they need from us is to sit down and talk about our day etc.

Teaching our girls about consequences has been quite hard at this age, and yet it really isn't any different from when we talk with our youth.  The difference between the two is that our girls have not quite developed the habits the teenagers do which makes it harder for them to change.  I constantly have to tell myself that I need to keep repeating myself so that my girls hear what I am saying, and then as they grow the repetitiveness will (hoping) reduce :).

I liken my role as a mother to that of being a leader to our youth.  Not so much as being a mother to these youth, because they already have a great mum.  But it is similar in sharing that fine line between being their "friend" and being a figure that provides leadership/direction.  As often as we do spend time with our youth, there are situations where we need to wear our youth leaders' hat.  There have been times where it has been difficult for me as a female being excluded from discussion among the girls, but at the same time I need to put on my leaders hat as there are situations that they seek advice/guidance.  In my years of sharing the leadership role with my husband, we have worked with a diverse group of youth.  It is interesting to see so many similarities and yet huge differences between all the youth we have taken care of.  As challenging as it has been to lead youth, it is largely rewarding.  I suppose reflecting on Jesus' time and the challenges he faced in delivering his message.  He was liked by the masses of people, and hated by only a few.  But those few people never stopped him from doing what he needed to do and that was to share the great news that our God is an Almighty God!

I am looking forward to our Mother's Day service tomorrow.  It may be a wet day, but it will be raining blessings over our service tomorrow!!  I am going to really seek for some guidance on how I can improve myself as a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a Leader!

I pray that all mother's feel loved and appreciated this weekend...xx

Staying by the Shore...or Heading out into the Deep...

Well my morning started off waking up 45 mins before I was due at church.  Waking up 5 girls and my husband took a couple of rounds before they finally staggered out of bed and into their bathrooms.  It was interesting seeing 5 girls between the ages of 4 to 18 running around.  Hmmm....what an experience it will be for Dan in particular, to live with 6 females :)  So my morning kicked off pretty slow, having had no breakfast, so my expectations to receive something from God at that time seemed very low on an empty stomach.

I found it so hard to concentrate this morning at church.  Allowing myself to be distracted was preventing me to really get into church.  I spent most of the morning taking care of my niece during service.  But I tried to get as much as I could from the Worship alone.  Then it came to the Word.  Today's message came from Luke 5, where Jesus had asked Simeon to take his boat out into the deep water.  Jesus preached to those on the boat, and then had asked Simeon to caste his nets out into the water.  It seemed that Simeon was reluctant at first because he had just been fishing and had caught nothing.  However he was obedient and caste his nets into the lake.  And to everyone's amazement on the boat, the nets could not contain the amount of fish they collected.  They had to call for a second boat to come out into the deep to help with the fish.  At first when the Word was shared this morning, the perspective was about Simeon's obedience had brought him blessings.

But with what I was feeling earlier that morning, about the distractions that was deterring my mind from listening to anything during that service.  The message revealed that I was the boat.  When Jesus comes into my heart, my life I often don't want to leave the shore.  Because on the shore are the people that I love, the people that I admire, certain things that distract me, temptations, situations that do not add any value to my life.  So many times I do not want to put my boat (myself) out into the deep because I do not have enough faith to see beyond what God asks me to do as Jesus did to these men on the boat.  I know in my heart that when Jesus steps onto my boat (into my life), and that I set my boat to sail into the deep seas, only good can come of this journey.  Blessings will be caught up in the net that I will not be able to contain it.  These blessings will need to be shared with another boat, just as Simeon did.  I was so blessed with this perspective, that I felt really good leaving service today.  We cannot see beyond our own plans, unless we completely remove our boats from the shore and sail on faith with our Lord!! This was such a great encouragement to be able to visually see myself sail away from my distractions at the shore.  On this note...this week I will head out into the deep on complete faith!!!

I am encouraged this week to continue to focus on what is at hand.  As we draw near to Mother's day this weekend, I remember the life lessons my mothers (Mum and Mum-in-law) have taught in my young life :).  I reflect on all the situations where my mums have said to me "you will understand when you go through it".  A statement that will forever ring true to a situation no matter what it is.  I think for every single daughter in this world, we try to run away from the unfriendly parts/voices of our mums but all we do is run straight into them because we grow into being exactly like our mums.  But it isn't a curse as some may take it, I've grown to love all the advice that has been forcibly and freely given :)  I love my mum's so much, as their advice has helped me so much with raising my little family.

And just as my mum's have said....you truly will not understand until you go through it yourself :)