This week I'm thinking about my purpose in this life. There was a time during my illness I thought about the likely consequences and the effects it would bring into my life and that of my family. Only a slight glimpse into my likely future brings a moment of sadness but visions of servitude and happiness is what remains at the forefront of my mind. Of course my life will be limited to a horizon that I see and is settled at the hips of those around me but I think it is the faith in knowing that there is so much more is what will drive me to achieve more.
I whispered to Dan at church yesterday that it had just dawned on me whether this illness has impacted on my chances of being able to carry a baby to full-term. Dan and I would love to have more children but the thought of complications scares me a little. My thoughts then lead onto alternatives if it were the case that I could not carry a baby to term. Adoption? Can I raise a child as my own? Interesting that I would have no trouble in raising a child under different circumstances, a broken home? orphaned at birth? but where the circumstances are because of my own illness...I don't know. Has my unconditional love now come with conditions? or will it?
I have a doctors appointment this week and next so I will raise the question with them then.
We have put our house on the market because we have found another property that we like. It is amazing how God can move in your life. We had our offer accepted for the new house and it has since dropped in price 3 times!!! Our house is now up for rent and we have received interest within 24 hours! You know there are so many things that we want in this life and at times when it is something that we really want we throw punches into the air when we don't get it. I've come to learn (and understanding my purpose in this life) that there is a reason for everything. Our eyes are only limited to what we can see in front of us, but it is in our faith that something is greater is waiting for us is what will drive us to do more, to do better. I am not worried about the new house, or the situation with our current house, because I am leaving it in God's hands. But that doesn't mean that I don't do my part, no. I still have to do some ground work for these houses but my hands are guided by God's Holy Spirit.
My purpose in this life? is to serve God using what I have learnt in this world and to reflect a lifestyle worthy of His Glory. I am not perfect but I can do my best to improve on the way I live my life.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Day 91 & 92: Feeling stronger but still uncomfortable...
So I've completed working a week and I feel okay but later at night I feel exhausted, especially tonight. I had to make a decision to put my studies on hold this semester to focus on returning to work. To add to things we're in the middle of selling our house. I pray that it is God's will to do what we are doing at the moment. Dan and our girls will head off to Aussie soon for 5 days. As much as I will miss them, I am excited because it will give me a chance to do more around the house. She says after explaining that she is especially exhausted tonight!
I have a couple of appointments scheduled for next month. I wonder whether I will have another scan. I do not feel the pain that I had two months ago but I do feel very uncomfortable. Unsettling even. I feel stronger and my body is handling driving about town much better.
My girls are in bed at the moment, and Dan's preparing their lunches while watching his show of the moment "The Big Bang Theory". I just sat through an episode and thought it was absolutely hilarious (I say sarcastically) :P.
I don't know what it is but being apart from my family especially Dan has really made me think about my relationship with them. Perhaps it was the passing of my uncle and seeing my aunty saying her last goodbye made me think about Dan. I can't imagine living my life without him. Our time on this earth is short. We think about 60, 70 years being a long time to live but it isn't really. I am 32 now, it won't be long before I reach 40. My girls will be 16 and 14 by that time. God has given me so much that I never imagined I would or could have and yet in His goodness there are things that I believe I need to make right. Favours that people have done for me in the past. I think about these things, about opportunities to return the favour. It is interesting how different our perspectives are of the relationships that we keep in our lives. One relationship I had with someone I was best friends with in school quickly showed me how people can grow apart. That situation helped me to understand that how I feel about a relationship isn't necessarily how that person feels about it. I hope that an opportunity may come along in this lifetime to repay the favour that others have done for me.
"Quality not quantity" is something that rings true to a lot of things....argh! difficult to write something meaningful when I can hear characters of "The Big Bang Theory" singing a tune to a cat!!!!!!!
:)
I have a couple of appointments scheduled for next month. I wonder whether I will have another scan. I do not feel the pain that I had two months ago but I do feel very uncomfortable. Unsettling even. I feel stronger and my body is handling driving about town much better.
My girls are in bed at the moment, and Dan's preparing their lunches while watching his show of the moment "The Big Bang Theory". I just sat through an episode and thought it was absolutely hilarious (I say sarcastically) :P.
I don't know what it is but being apart from my family especially Dan has really made me think about my relationship with them. Perhaps it was the passing of my uncle and seeing my aunty saying her last goodbye made me think about Dan. I can't imagine living my life without him. Our time on this earth is short. We think about 60, 70 years being a long time to live but it isn't really. I am 32 now, it won't be long before I reach 40. My girls will be 16 and 14 by that time. God has given me so much that I never imagined I would or could have and yet in His goodness there are things that I believe I need to make right. Favours that people have done for me in the past. I think about these things, about opportunities to return the favour. It is interesting how different our perspectives are of the relationships that we keep in our lives. One relationship I had with someone I was best friends with in school quickly showed me how people can grow apart. That situation helped me to understand that how I feel about a relationship isn't necessarily how that person feels about it. I hope that an opportunity may come along in this lifetime to repay the favour that others have done for me.
"Quality not quantity" is something that rings true to a lot of things....argh! difficult to write something meaningful when I can hear characters of "The Big Bang Theory" singing a tune to a cat!!!!!!!
:)
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Day 81 - 90: Farewells and Reunions
Following the news of my uncle passing away, I booked my flight to Auckland to be with my family. My uncle was my godfather, so I felt obligated to be with my family and to repay the same love they showed my during my upbringing.
How difficult it was for my cousins and aunty to endure the loss of someone so dear, I don't think I could ever imagine until it was either Dan, my girls or my immediate family. My aunty was so strong. Such a tower of strength. Just as she has always been in that family. I was so blessed for the opportunity to be able to serve them during their time of mourning. My one regret was not bringing one of my girls along with me.
I spent a week with my family. I had not seen my dad's side for so long. Seeing all my cousins working together was such a great thing to see. I felt so relieved to be able to hang out with my cousins and not be hissed at by my father to go inside and do some chores like he did when I was younger. I felt a sense of freedom in this saddened circumstance.
The night my uncle came home to rest I could not bring myself to see him. I didn't think I would react in that way. But just a glimpse of him lying in his coffin, I burst into tears and cried like a baby. But looking at my cousin I had to be strong for her. I quickly wiped my tears and took deep breathes before I could continue with what I was tasked to do.
One night my cousin and I slept with her mum in the lounge next to my uncle. We didn't sleep until 7.30am. I felt for my aunty, who couldn't sleep and would stay awake until her body could no longer hold up against the exhaustion. We laughed and talked about my uncle and our families. Even in her darkest hour, my aunty could still crack a joke or even repeat it so many times. Something that I'm sure I will do as I grow older - repeat myself :).
My uncle's funeral service was beautiful. Short and sweet. I was amazed at the beautiful speech my cousin Joe gave. Joe is the youngest of my uncles three children. He is a couple of years older than me. Joe is someone of only a few words but his actions and loyalty speak volumes. I love Joe like my own brother. His speech about promising his father to take care of the house and their mum was touching. It was amazing that though Joe was put on the spot he could recall special moments about his dad. His advice to everyone in attendance to think about the time we have left with our families and to use that time wisely was good.
The service ended at the burial. My cousin and I watched the boys return to the dirt to my uncle's grave, right up to the last shovel of dirt thrown over the mound. My cousin and I talked about how the burying of her father was a process for us to come to terms with what has happened and to say farewell physically whereas spiritually we know that our uncle's spirit is in a better place. How amazing our God is that we have these rituals/traditions that we go through that take us through the process of saying goodbye to our loved ones.
The remainder of my time with my cousins and aunty was very special to me. I could finally do something for them in which they have done for me growing up. Often I think about how I can repay those who have taken care of me growing up. I am thankful that this opportunity (as sad as it was) came about. The best way I know how to show my love for someone is by serving them humbly.
I hold dear to my heart my time with my family in playing pictionary, ten-pin bowling, singing, watching movies together. I miss my family very much but I was happy to be home with my husband and my girls. I think I may have watched too many chick flicks while away because I asked Dan to rekindle the romantic home dinners we used to have before our girls arrived. We used to take turns organising the night with candles etc despite the dinner being cornbeef and noodles :) which is a delicacy that is very special to us (on our honeymoon all we ate was cornbeef and noodles :P). So at work today I sent Dan an appointment for the 1st of October forgetting that it will be our 10th anniversary since we started dating. ha! Dan knew it was the date....whoever said that men are useless with special dates doesn't really know that they're only pretending ...they know! :) So I have five or so weeks to prepare a lavish dinner (hopefully in our new house :) Godwilling), while Dan organises the set-up and on this special occasion Dan wanted us to exchange gifts...hmmmm....It's good to spice up your marriage/relationship..keep each other on your toes...otherwise one of you will just be upset about not being treated like the main actress in a chick flick :P...
I've decided to put my studies on hold this semester to concentrate on returning to work and bringing my health back to 110%. This has relieved some pressure off of me so I look forward to just being a mummy and wife.
I am so thankful for everything that I have.....I hope that you are happy with where you are in life too :)
How difficult it was for my cousins and aunty to endure the loss of someone so dear, I don't think I could ever imagine until it was either Dan, my girls or my immediate family. My aunty was so strong. Such a tower of strength. Just as she has always been in that family. I was so blessed for the opportunity to be able to serve them during their time of mourning. My one regret was not bringing one of my girls along with me.
I spent a week with my family. I had not seen my dad's side for so long. Seeing all my cousins working together was such a great thing to see. I felt so relieved to be able to hang out with my cousins and not be hissed at by my father to go inside and do some chores like he did when I was younger. I felt a sense of freedom in this saddened circumstance.
The night my uncle came home to rest I could not bring myself to see him. I didn't think I would react in that way. But just a glimpse of him lying in his coffin, I burst into tears and cried like a baby. But looking at my cousin I had to be strong for her. I quickly wiped my tears and took deep breathes before I could continue with what I was tasked to do.
One night my cousin and I slept with her mum in the lounge next to my uncle. We didn't sleep until 7.30am. I felt for my aunty, who couldn't sleep and would stay awake until her body could no longer hold up against the exhaustion. We laughed and talked about my uncle and our families. Even in her darkest hour, my aunty could still crack a joke or even repeat it so many times. Something that I'm sure I will do as I grow older - repeat myself :).
My uncle's funeral service was beautiful. Short and sweet. I was amazed at the beautiful speech my cousin Joe gave. Joe is the youngest of my uncles three children. He is a couple of years older than me. Joe is someone of only a few words but his actions and loyalty speak volumes. I love Joe like my own brother. His speech about promising his father to take care of the house and their mum was touching. It was amazing that though Joe was put on the spot he could recall special moments about his dad. His advice to everyone in attendance to think about the time we have left with our families and to use that time wisely was good.
The service ended at the burial. My cousin and I watched the boys return to the dirt to my uncle's grave, right up to the last shovel of dirt thrown over the mound. My cousin and I talked about how the burying of her father was a process for us to come to terms with what has happened and to say farewell physically whereas spiritually we know that our uncle's spirit is in a better place. How amazing our God is that we have these rituals/traditions that we go through that take us through the process of saying goodbye to our loved ones.
The remainder of my time with my cousins and aunty was very special to me. I could finally do something for them in which they have done for me growing up. Often I think about how I can repay those who have taken care of me growing up. I am thankful that this opportunity (as sad as it was) came about. The best way I know how to show my love for someone is by serving them humbly.
I hold dear to my heart my time with my family in playing pictionary, ten-pin bowling, singing, watching movies together. I miss my family very much but I was happy to be home with my husband and my girls. I think I may have watched too many chick flicks while away because I asked Dan to rekindle the romantic home dinners we used to have before our girls arrived. We used to take turns organising the night with candles etc despite the dinner being cornbeef and noodles :) which is a delicacy that is very special to us (on our honeymoon all we ate was cornbeef and noodles :P). So at work today I sent Dan an appointment for the 1st of October forgetting that it will be our 10th anniversary since we started dating. ha! Dan knew it was the date....whoever said that men are useless with special dates doesn't really know that they're only pretending ...they know! :) So I have five or so weeks to prepare a lavish dinner (hopefully in our new house :) Godwilling), while Dan organises the set-up and on this special occasion Dan wanted us to exchange gifts...hmmmm....It's good to spice up your marriage/relationship..keep each other on your toes...otherwise one of you will just be upset about not being treated like the main actress in a chick flick :P...
I've decided to put my studies on hold this semester to concentrate on returning to work and bringing my health back to 110%. This has relieved some pressure off of me so I look forward to just being a mummy and wife.
I am so thankful for everything that I have.....I hope that you are happy with where you are in life too :)
Friday, August 13, 2010
Day 78, 79, 80 - :'(
I started back at work on Wednesday. It was great to see everyone. Morning tea was great :)
I had a one-on-one with my management and was relieved to know that I would only be working part-time. I thought I would be increasing my hours to full-time. Originally I was working part-time so that I could finish my studies and pick up my girls from school as there was no after school programme. Praise God for He knows our plans before we realise them. The part-time situation works better for my family and thankfully works better at work also!!! :) I was pleased at the end of that day. My day ended at lunchtime. I had come to realise that in my role I do sit alot. I suppose I'll be making a lot of appointments to visit managers to give my back a bit of a break.
Thursday's work followed in the same way. Working the mornings I only had time to clear 2 months worth of emails. I think I killed a few trees in the process having to print off my emails to sort out. I could only work until midday again, I felt so uncomfortable. But my day was good and again great to be at work.
Later in the day I received some bad news that my uncle (my Godfather) passed away. As you do, memories of my uncle came to mind. My cousin (who is the only girl of 3 also) and I would always joke about always knowing where in the house my uncle would be and what he would be doing. Sitting at the table with his little radio, his T.A.B (race-betting) booklet, and back in the day his cigarettes. Growing up, when I would stay over every time the phone would ring my uncle would always call for me to answer the phone. That never failed! Even in my old age, married with children as soon as my uncle knew that I was over and the phone would ring you can guarantee that he would call for me to answer the phone. Like I was some kind of mobile phone operating service :). Oh I love my uncle. He reminds of "The two Ronnies", the shorter one. :)
It is always a sad thing when someone we love leaves us but I am so blessed for the opportunity to know my uncle. Family services and Funerals truly are a celebration of the life our loved ones have led and an opportunity for those to say goodbye. I pray for God's strength to be with us during this time.
Just the thought of losing someone so close reminds me that I need to keep myself in check. We may never know the time that we are called. Each day lived should be better than the last. Have I lived the life that I have been called to live? Have I truly redeemed myself of all the mistakes that I have made?
Taking everything a day at a time is all that we can do and to live those days as though it were our last.
I had a one-on-one with my management and was relieved to know that I would only be working part-time. I thought I would be increasing my hours to full-time. Originally I was working part-time so that I could finish my studies and pick up my girls from school as there was no after school programme. Praise God for He knows our plans before we realise them. The part-time situation works better for my family and thankfully works better at work also!!! :) I was pleased at the end of that day. My day ended at lunchtime. I had come to realise that in my role I do sit alot. I suppose I'll be making a lot of appointments to visit managers to give my back a bit of a break.
Thursday's work followed in the same way. Working the mornings I only had time to clear 2 months worth of emails. I think I killed a few trees in the process having to print off my emails to sort out. I could only work until midday again, I felt so uncomfortable. But my day was good and again great to be at work.
Later in the day I received some bad news that my uncle (my Godfather) passed away. As you do, memories of my uncle came to mind. My cousin (who is the only girl of 3 also) and I would always joke about always knowing where in the house my uncle would be and what he would be doing. Sitting at the table with his little radio, his T.A.B (race-betting) booklet, and back in the day his cigarettes. Growing up, when I would stay over every time the phone would ring my uncle would always call for me to answer the phone. That never failed! Even in my old age, married with children as soon as my uncle knew that I was over and the phone would ring you can guarantee that he would call for me to answer the phone. Like I was some kind of mobile phone operating service :). Oh I love my uncle. He reminds of "The two Ronnies", the shorter one. :)
It is always a sad thing when someone we love leaves us but I am so blessed for the opportunity to know my uncle. Family services and Funerals truly are a celebration of the life our loved ones have led and an opportunity for those to say goodbye. I pray for God's strength to be with us during this time.
Just the thought of losing someone so close reminds me that I need to keep myself in check. We may never know the time that we are called. Each day lived should be better than the last. Have I lived the life that I have been called to live? Have I truly redeemed myself of all the mistakes that I have made?
Taking everything a day at a time is all that we can do and to live those days as though it were our last.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Day 76 & 77 - Bye Dad :'(
These last couple of days has been a mad rush to get as much done while my Dad was here. :( My body is so strained but now that we have plans for a new place things are getting a little busier. Sheesh :) but exciting! My dad left today. It was sad to see him go. My dad is so old. In his early 60s and he did so much around the house for us. I love sitting up in bed staring at the newly painted walls. My DIY disaster is finally fixed in my girls room and the lounge :) I'll upload some pics soon. My heart is filled with Thanks to my dad for the great work he has done to help us and to my mum that even in their ill-health they sacrificed their time to help me and my family. The love of our parents never fails.
I'll be heading into work for my first day back. Well partial day back. I'm a little nervous. I really can't handle driving long distances now. Not that work is a long trip away but I'm certain it will be a struggle after a long day at work. I'll be staying at work 'til probably around lunch time and then shoot home for some rest and finish my assignment!!! With things getting busier at home I have neglected my school work. No doubt my body will pay for this but there are a few things going on now that life definitely is heading back to normalcy.
Right now I'm propped up in bed about to do some reading but wanted to blog in. My feet and back are aching and our room is a little nippy thanks to our gas heating still out of action but thank goodness for electric blankets and massive power bills! My girls are out for the night all cosy and my sister-in-law is meant to be doing her school but occupying herself with one of our many DVDs. Hmmm school night? maybe not :) Dan has been watching "The Big Bang Theory" episodes lately and I have not heard him laugh so much. Something about the geek speech amuses him. He will be staying home tomorrow to make sure that I'm doing okay for my first morning getting the girls to school and then off to work. Dan's just turned the lights off and I was supposed to do some reading..hellooo :)
My brother and his family head overseas this week for a number of years. Good for them. The hardest thing will be for them to be apart from everyone else. Though in saying that my brother has spent a lot of time away from his family due to his work commitments so this will give him and his family a chance to be together as a family. Messaging with another cousin of mine living in Asia, she described how she misses her family dearly. It's difficult to live apart from those whom we love. There are so many birthdays, anniversaries, dinners, lunches etc that we miss out on living away from home. I have lived away from home for nearly ten years and though I am still in the same country our get togethers are few and far between. Having my family with me these past weeks has made me think more about my girls and husband and their relationships with my family (immediate and wider). I talked about in an earlier blog about one having the responsibility to ensure those relationships between families happen. I have not been encouraging the reunion as much as I should. When my dad left tonight, my girls asked whether they could go to Auckland. I think we will try to make a trip this year to see everyone.
God has never failed me though I have done so, many times. Though He is never far from my mind and my heart. I am thankful for the life that I lead and the life that I am yet to live. Because I know and still believe in that promise I made in July 2001 that if my move away from home was part of His plan then I will promise to serve Him until my last breathe! The life that I live is not mine but His alone.
I'll be heading into work for my first day back. Well partial day back. I'm a little nervous. I really can't handle driving long distances now. Not that work is a long trip away but I'm certain it will be a struggle after a long day at work. I'll be staying at work 'til probably around lunch time and then shoot home for some rest and finish my assignment!!! With things getting busier at home I have neglected my school work. No doubt my body will pay for this but there are a few things going on now that life definitely is heading back to normalcy.
Right now I'm propped up in bed about to do some reading but wanted to blog in. My feet and back are aching and our room is a little nippy thanks to our gas heating still out of action but thank goodness for electric blankets and massive power bills! My girls are out for the night all cosy and my sister-in-law is meant to be doing her school but occupying herself with one of our many DVDs. Hmmm school night? maybe not :) Dan has been watching "The Big Bang Theory" episodes lately and I have not heard him laugh so much. Something about the geek speech amuses him. He will be staying home tomorrow to make sure that I'm doing okay for my first morning getting the girls to school and then off to work. Dan's just turned the lights off and I was supposed to do some reading..hellooo :)
My brother and his family head overseas this week for a number of years. Good for them. The hardest thing will be for them to be apart from everyone else. Though in saying that my brother has spent a lot of time away from his family due to his work commitments so this will give him and his family a chance to be together as a family. Messaging with another cousin of mine living in Asia, she described how she misses her family dearly. It's difficult to live apart from those whom we love. There are so many birthdays, anniversaries, dinners, lunches etc that we miss out on living away from home. I have lived away from home for nearly ten years and though I am still in the same country our get togethers are few and far between. Having my family with me these past weeks has made me think more about my girls and husband and their relationships with my family (immediate and wider). I talked about in an earlier blog about one having the responsibility to ensure those relationships between families happen. I have not been encouraging the reunion as much as I should. When my dad left tonight, my girls asked whether they could go to Auckland. I think we will try to make a trip this year to see everyone.
God has never failed me though I have done so, many times. Though He is never far from my mind and my heart. I am thankful for the life that I lead and the life that I am yet to live. Because I know and still believe in that promise I made in July 2001 that if my move away from home was part of His plan then I will promise to serve Him until my last breathe! The life that I live is not mine but His alone.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Day 73 - 75: So tired...
The last couple of days I haven't taken any pain relief. My doc had forgotten to complete extra paperwork when he had written my prescription for the morphine based medication. I had to go back to the hospital to pick up the extra paperwork. I left before collecting it. Was tired of waiting! So over all the pills! I now have another month of oral meds! I don't feel like I need the stronger meds anymore for the pain which is good. I can now deal with voltaren and panadol.
My gorgeous cousin left yesterday! This trip has helped me so much. Not just around the house but to fill the void of being without my family for so long. The companionship was something I had yearned for for a long time. I am blessed that we were given an opportunity to catch up. My girls have absolutely enjoyed their time with their aunty.
My dad is still here and has been a Superman!!! He has helped us renovate our place while still unwell. With the news of one of my brothers heading overseas with his family my dad will be leaving us soon. It is a cold and windy night in Wellington and our blimmin' gas heater is not working in the lounge. So we have a sickly five-fin oil heater making some attempt to heat up our lounge. Almost feels like the story of the little train that could!
I feel so tired, and now feel a cold coming on. I still have school work to complete! I think I am ready to return to work gradually this week. Everyone seems surprised when I tell them. So maybe I'm thinking too far ahead. My drama yesterday was that I fell asleep on the way home from the airport!!! I was tempted to pulling off the motorway for a snooze but in my mind I wanted to get home because I was with my girls. Five minutes away from home I definitely fell asleep and had drifted into the opposite lane towards oncoming traffic. I managed to swerve and miss a car before readjusting myself. My eldest, poor darling, was talking to me throughout the trip to keep me awake. I had been out for too long to be driving so for now I can only handle short trips.
It's almost mid august and there is still so much to do. I know that I am out of the woods now so need to regain my energy! I have been so blessed and thankful for all of my family and friends for being around to help us. I hope that an opportunity will arise that me and my family can support them all in the same way.
My gorgeous cousin left yesterday! This trip has helped me so much. Not just around the house but to fill the void of being without my family for so long. The companionship was something I had yearned for for a long time. I am blessed that we were given an opportunity to catch up. My girls have absolutely enjoyed their time with their aunty.
My dad is still here and has been a Superman!!! He has helped us renovate our place while still unwell. With the news of one of my brothers heading overseas with his family my dad will be leaving us soon. It is a cold and windy night in Wellington and our blimmin' gas heater is not working in the lounge. So we have a sickly five-fin oil heater making some attempt to heat up our lounge. Almost feels like the story of the little train that could!
I feel so tired, and now feel a cold coming on. I still have school work to complete! I think I am ready to return to work gradually this week. Everyone seems surprised when I tell them. So maybe I'm thinking too far ahead. My drama yesterday was that I fell asleep on the way home from the airport!!! I was tempted to pulling off the motorway for a snooze but in my mind I wanted to get home because I was with my girls. Five minutes away from home I definitely fell asleep and had drifted into the opposite lane towards oncoming traffic. I managed to swerve and miss a car before readjusting myself. My eldest, poor darling, was talking to me throughout the trip to keep me awake. I had been out for too long to be driving so for now I can only handle short trips.
It's almost mid august and there is still so much to do. I know that I am out of the woods now so need to regain my energy! I have been so blessed and thankful for all of my family and friends for being around to help us. I hope that an opportunity will arise that me and my family can support them all in the same way.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Day 71 & 72 - Good news...
I have been so tired these last couple of days and pushing my body to beyond its current limits. My gorgeous cousin is here and has been a huge help! I will miss her dearly!
Yesterday I had my MRI scan which took over an hour. I am glad that I won't have those again for a while! I am feeling okay but am definitely feel strained. My medication had run out so was a little anxious to see my doc at the hospital to get a new prescription.
My appointment with my doctor went well today. I had my picc line taken out! Hallelujah I am no longer carrying my 80s bum bag! I now have another month of oral medication as well as the pain relief. The doc says that I am okay to return to work (and the gym!) gradually. Just feeling the strain on my body with the little medication I have had these last couple of days I believe it when he says to take it easy! The doc reviewed my scan and is happy that there have been positive changes. Two bones in my spine where the infection is has fused together which was expected but overall it is good news. I am happy with that! God is so good to me!!!! I feel happy and relieved. It felt like such a milestone to see the picc line out. My life is about to head back on track!!!
We've been making some changes to our house lately, and with my dad in town my DIY attempts are finally getting fixed/tidied up! My dad and I have had many heated arguments in the aisles of the Warehouse and Bunnings :P I am so grateful for what he is doing! One of my DIY blunders has finally been fixed after two years! :) All it needs now is a lick of fresh paint and we're good to go. We've had one of the boys from youth help my dad out. Such a blessing he is. He is young and getting his life straight. To distract him from doing things/hanging with those that will get him into trouble he has offered to help out my dad and has been enjoying it. This kid has a good head on his shoulders and I believe that God has a great plan for him because he is making the right choices to set his path straight!
My beautiful cousin has done so much with taking care of me and my family. Right now she is reading a bedtime story to my girls. She has also baked us an apple pie and tonight a lemon meringue pie (with some direction of course). So great to have my "sister" in town.
I always knew that I will be healed, this was definitely a journey for me to slow down and consider things that really matter in my life. With heading back to work possibly next week I also have my school work to complete. First assignment is due this week. I will be working very hard over the weekend. Oh joy :).
Through this experience I have felt and still feel so blessed that God has given me and my family an opportunity to spend time with my family in particular. My girls have had a good dose of my family these past 5 - 6 weeks. One of my aunty's suggested I move back home with my family :). It's very difficult to be away from one's family. I'm glad that Dan understands how difficult it is for me. I have accepted that we live apart but can feel sad on special occasions. I am so grateful for the time I have had with my family. For this I know that God understands my needs and will provide in His time!
Thank you God for healing me!
Yesterday I had my MRI scan which took over an hour. I am glad that I won't have those again for a while! I am feeling okay but am definitely feel strained. My medication had run out so was a little anxious to see my doc at the hospital to get a new prescription.
My appointment with my doctor went well today. I had my picc line taken out! Hallelujah I am no longer carrying my 80s bum bag! I now have another month of oral medication as well as the pain relief. The doc says that I am okay to return to work (and the gym!) gradually. Just feeling the strain on my body with the little medication I have had these last couple of days I believe it when he says to take it easy! The doc reviewed my scan and is happy that there have been positive changes. Two bones in my spine where the infection is has fused together which was expected but overall it is good news. I am happy with that! God is so good to me!!!! I feel happy and relieved. It felt like such a milestone to see the picc line out. My life is about to head back on track!!!
We've been making some changes to our house lately, and with my dad in town my DIY attempts are finally getting fixed/tidied up! My dad and I have had many heated arguments in the aisles of the Warehouse and Bunnings :P I am so grateful for what he is doing! One of my DIY blunders has finally been fixed after two years! :) All it needs now is a lick of fresh paint and we're good to go. We've had one of the boys from youth help my dad out. Such a blessing he is. He is young and getting his life straight. To distract him from doing things/hanging with those that will get him into trouble he has offered to help out my dad and has been enjoying it. This kid has a good head on his shoulders and I believe that God has a great plan for him because he is making the right choices to set his path straight!
My beautiful cousin has done so much with taking care of me and my family. Right now she is reading a bedtime story to my girls. She has also baked us an apple pie and tonight a lemon meringue pie (with some direction of course). So great to have my "sister" in town.
I always knew that I will be healed, this was definitely a journey for me to slow down and consider things that really matter in my life. With heading back to work possibly next week I also have my school work to complete. First assignment is due this week. I will be working very hard over the weekend. Oh joy :).
Through this experience I have felt and still feel so blessed that God has given me and my family an opportunity to spend time with my family in particular. My girls have had a good dose of my family these past 5 - 6 weeks. One of my aunty's suggested I move back home with my family :). It's very difficult to be away from one's family. I'm glad that Dan understands how difficult it is for me. I have accepted that we live apart but can feel sad on special occasions. I am so grateful for the time I have had with my family. For this I know that God understands my needs and will provide in His time!
Thank you God for healing me!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Day 70 - I am on the road again....
I drove today for the first time since I fell ill. I did okay. I also hadn't taken my medication this morning. My body was really tired today. I really need to ease back into things. I almost feel panicky that I will be starting work soon and that my routine will kick into hectic mode.
My check up today was fine. I can't wait to get this picc line out of my arm! I feel like my movements are restricted like an elderly person with a walking stick! Right now I'm propped up in bed with my antibiotics strapped to my abdomen. When I go to sleep at night I unstrap my 80s bum bag so that I can sleep comfortably. But when the ladies room calls in the middle of the night, half asleep I get up from bed and the bottle (of antibiotics) drops to the floor almost ripping the line off my up that is taped to my arm. Hair being ripped off my bare shoulder I manage to make it to the ladies room.
I"m looking forward to seeing my cousin tomorrow. It will be nice to have her around. I have been very blessed to have support from family and friends during this time and that their support has seen me return to reality. After having done practically nothing these past 2 months, I'm a little overwhelmed at how busy my life actually is. As a family we already have a lot to do in the next couple of weeks. I am looking forward to our holiday at the end of the year already :).
I am looking forward to getting on with life but I think most importantly I need to take my focus off "reality" and focus on God. I talk about my faith bringing me through this illness. I am not out of the woods yet. I need to keep believing and climb my "sycamore tree" to see the blessings that will come.
My check up today was fine. I can't wait to get this picc line out of my arm! I feel like my movements are restricted like an elderly person with a walking stick! Right now I'm propped up in bed with my antibiotics strapped to my abdomen. When I go to sleep at night I unstrap my 80s bum bag so that I can sleep comfortably. But when the ladies room calls in the middle of the night, half asleep I get up from bed and the bottle (of antibiotics) drops to the floor almost ripping the line off my up that is taped to my arm. Hair being ripped off my bare shoulder I manage to make it to the ladies room.
I"m looking forward to seeing my cousin tomorrow. It will be nice to have her around. I have been very blessed to have support from family and friends during this time and that their support has seen me return to reality. After having done practically nothing these past 2 months, I'm a little overwhelmed at how busy my life actually is. As a family we already have a lot to do in the next couple of weeks. I am looking forward to our holiday at the end of the year already :).
I am looking forward to getting on with life but I think most importantly I need to take my focus off "reality" and focus on God. I talk about my faith bringing me through this illness. I am not out of the woods yet. I need to keep believing and climb my "sycamore tree" to see the blessings that will come.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Day 69 - Exciting things ahead....
Today has been a good day despite the weather. The body was feeling okay today and lasted as long as it could but now it's starting to take its toll. I think I'd better have an early night. This week will be busy with assignments and appointments. I think I will be okay to drive this week. I will give it a go this Tuesday.
I will be heading to work in a couple of weeks. I feel as though reality is reaching me pretty quickly, which is probably why I'm doing so much more around the house. Or at least trying to. My body does ache but I think it's more that I am starting to wean off the medication and now I am starting to feel things.
The messages today at church were great and spoke to me about the greatness of our God. This morning the message was about God's ways are not our ways. Our thoughts are not His thoughts, which is like the distance of heaven from earth. This, to me, describes how BIG our God is. The message also talked about our priorities and where God fits into them. I know personally that by putting God first all things will happen and with reality kicking in soon I need to revisit my priorities again. Checking off another list of mine. The message from the evening service talks about the story of Zacchaeus and how he climbed the sycamore tree to see Jesus walking through the crowd. What spoke to me in this scripture is that like Zacchaeus we want to see Jesus but at times we need to climb above our crowds so we can see clearly, think clearly, pray clearly. I need to move, I need to climb before I can get closer to Jesus in my life.
Powerful messages that will help me face this week's challenges. My dad has not been well and I feel for him because he wants to do more and is very frustrated. I walked in after the evening service to find my dad on the couch and a quick glimpse of him made me realise how old he really is. :(
I think tonight I will try to have an early night. I hope that everyone is all nice and snug and ready for a new week ahead.
I will be heading to work in a couple of weeks. I feel as though reality is reaching me pretty quickly, which is probably why I'm doing so much more around the house. Or at least trying to. My body does ache but I think it's more that I am starting to wean off the medication and now I am starting to feel things.
The messages today at church were great and spoke to me about the greatness of our God. This morning the message was about God's ways are not our ways. Our thoughts are not His thoughts, which is like the distance of heaven from earth. This, to me, describes how BIG our God is. The message also talked about our priorities and where God fits into them. I know personally that by putting God first all things will happen and with reality kicking in soon I need to revisit my priorities again. Checking off another list of mine. The message from the evening service talks about the story of Zacchaeus and how he climbed the sycamore tree to see Jesus walking through the crowd. What spoke to me in this scripture is that like Zacchaeus we want to see Jesus but at times we need to climb above our crowds so we can see clearly, think clearly, pray clearly. I need to move, I need to climb before I can get closer to Jesus in my life.
Powerful messages that will help me face this week's challenges. My dad has not been well and I feel for him because he wants to do more and is very frustrated. I walked in after the evening service to find my dad on the couch and a quick glimpse of him made me realise how old he really is. :(
I think tonight I will try to have an early night. I hope that everyone is all nice and snug and ready for a new week ahead.
Day 67 & 68 - Busy busy & Date night
I have been very naughty these last couple of days. Really putting a strain on my body! We've been doing a really good clean up of the house. Well I started cleaning our rumpus room and went to grab something from the workshop and ended up cleaning that too! Argh! For the past two days my name has been changed to "Monica". I even rearranged my girls room in half an hour! I'm on a roll but at the moment I just can't seem to keep still.
My mum has been awesome doing so much for us this past week. Dan will most definitely miss her cooking and my girls will miss her a lot. I will just miss my mum. Though I may not have shown it, I really do appreciate all that she has done for me and my family even though her body is not in its best form. She still gave us 110% every day. Bless my mum for her heart of service!!! Never fails to give me household tips in between doing everything :) so now it's just my dad :) He's not too well either and I'm sure he feels bad when I'm doing a lot more than I should. But it's not to give him hints that I want him to do things, I just can't keep still and I need to change things. You'd think I'd spend my time working on my assignment due next week!! My dad has spent most of his time telling me to stop what I'm doing and rest. We've done so much that I feel now I can relax. Yeah well we'll see for how long.
I'm looking forward to my cousin coming down. It's been some time since I last saw her but I'm so thankful that she is sacrificing her time to help me and my family out. She is such a blessing and is one of those people in your life that despite not having seen each other or talked to each other for a long time, when you do meet it's as though you were never apart. :)
Dan and I managed to get some time together. We reminisced about our first date. We can still remember the restaurant, the movie, what we had for dessert :) We laughed about the things we would do to impress each other. It's amazing how blind your love is when you are dating. Being married definitely takes your relationship to the next level. It's interesting when a couple dating for so many years think they could know so much about each other and think that marriage would not be any different. I think this is true to an extent. Calling something "mine" for so long and then changing it to "ours" requires some preparation on a psychological level, I think. A marriage bears all flaws. In a courtship there is always a risk that someone would leave the relationship. I suppose that is also true about marriages but if marriages are believed to be forever then there would be no risk. Sometimes I think that for a marriage to work you would need endurance and commitment. I can drop so many things that are very important in a marriage but there is no one way of making things work. What may work for one couple may not necessarily work for another. In a couple of years Dan and I will have been married for ten years. It's amazing how far we have come. God has definitely been the centre of this marriage and I am so thankful for the life I have lead and will continue to live in this marriage.
Tonight was our date night. I sometimes think it's funny that for a married couple a date night is sometimes a movie, dinner, or hanging out with friends. Sometimes our date nights are restricted to a small window of time before the children start to miss you or that you need an early night because you have to get ready for work and the kids for school. When Dan and I have date night, it's hard to think of things to do outside of the dinner or a movie. Before we had our girls, we used to take turns coming up with something to do. On some nights we would play board games. I think that's when our we started our collection of board games. Other nights would be a DVD, or we'd play a sport together. Most of these date nights were done at home. But now that we have children, we'd prefer our date nights to be away from home :). That is, if we had the energy after being with our girls to go out. I hope for those of you who have children, that you really get some time to be with your partner. Because we need a bit of attention ourselves, just as our children demand it of us. Being a parent is such a selfless thing and it is amazing that from the moment you realise that you are becoming a parent, how quickly your world becomes theirs.
My mum has been awesome doing so much for us this past week. Dan will most definitely miss her cooking and my girls will miss her a lot. I will just miss my mum. Though I may not have shown it, I really do appreciate all that she has done for me and my family even though her body is not in its best form. She still gave us 110% every day. Bless my mum for her heart of service!!! Never fails to give me household tips in between doing everything :) so now it's just my dad :) He's not too well either and I'm sure he feels bad when I'm doing a lot more than I should. But it's not to give him hints that I want him to do things, I just can't keep still and I need to change things. You'd think I'd spend my time working on my assignment due next week!! My dad has spent most of his time telling me to stop what I'm doing and rest. We've done so much that I feel now I can relax. Yeah well we'll see for how long.
I'm looking forward to my cousin coming down. It's been some time since I last saw her but I'm so thankful that she is sacrificing her time to help me and my family out. She is such a blessing and is one of those people in your life that despite not having seen each other or talked to each other for a long time, when you do meet it's as though you were never apart. :)
Dan and I managed to get some time together. We reminisced about our first date. We can still remember the restaurant, the movie, what we had for dessert :) We laughed about the things we would do to impress each other. It's amazing how blind your love is when you are dating. Being married definitely takes your relationship to the next level. It's interesting when a couple dating for so many years think they could know so much about each other and think that marriage would not be any different. I think this is true to an extent. Calling something "mine" for so long and then changing it to "ours" requires some preparation on a psychological level, I think. A marriage bears all flaws. In a courtship there is always a risk that someone would leave the relationship. I suppose that is also true about marriages but if marriages are believed to be forever then there would be no risk. Sometimes I think that for a marriage to work you would need endurance and commitment. I can drop so many things that are very important in a marriage but there is no one way of making things work. What may work for one couple may not necessarily work for another. In a couple of years Dan and I will have been married for ten years. It's amazing how far we have come. God has definitely been the centre of this marriage and I am so thankful for the life I have lead and will continue to live in this marriage.
Tonight was our date night. I sometimes think it's funny that for a married couple a date night is sometimes a movie, dinner, or hanging out with friends. Sometimes our date nights are restricted to a small window of time before the children start to miss you or that you need an early night because you have to get ready for work and the kids for school. When Dan and I have date night, it's hard to think of things to do outside of the dinner or a movie. Before we had our girls, we used to take turns coming up with something to do. On some nights we would play board games. I think that's when our we started our collection of board games. Other nights would be a DVD, or we'd play a sport together. Most of these date nights were done at home. But now that we have children, we'd prefer our date nights to be away from home :). That is, if we had the energy after being with our girls to go out. I hope for those of you who have children, that you really get some time to be with your partner. Because we need a bit of attention ourselves, just as our children demand it of us. Being a parent is such a selfless thing and it is amazing that from the moment you realise that you are becoming a parent, how quickly your world becomes theirs.
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