I slept until my nurse arrived. Usual check was okay. I heard my dad coughing through the night. My parents have been so awesome this week. They are not well themselves and they're doing the best they can to help us. Today I felt tired of sitting around and "resting" so I tidied the rumpus room and our workshop in the garage. I could hear my dad calling out to me between coughs to stop what I was doing and get some rest. But I just felt like getting up and doing something. I knew in the back of my mind that I was going to feel really tired or that the strain on my back would worsen but I just felt like I needed to feel like I've accomplished something.
I am a task-oriented person. I like to make lists and check things off. In the two months I have been at home I have done a number of things to straighten out my house and I feel great. Though it will be another week before I have the energy to do something else. When it comes to reorganising things you ask my little sister, she will tell you that I rearrange the furniture in my house almost every month. I can't help it really. Even my girls notice when they get home. "Whoa mum, our room looks cool. Why did you change it?". Ha! I started writing this at 3pm without a thought in mind coming close to actually rearranging my girls room and what do you know at 8pm Mira said "Whoa mum, our room looks cool!" :) They were so excited sleeping in what they thought was their new room :)
I'm now in bed feeling relaxed because I feel like I've actually achieved something today having reorganised two rooms and started on the third. I shouldn't really do so much but sitting at home is driving me slightly bonkers. I am looking forward to work but am a little apprehensive at the same time. But I am keen to get back to reality.
I feel sorry for my parents doing so much and they are not well. I think I've made them feel bad with doing so much. They both kept telling me to stop cleaning because I may make myself feel worse. They were right but today I just had such determination to get things done. I think I am slowly getting back to my usual busy self. Thinking about it right now, I'm a little worried about how busy I do get. Perhaps I need to prioritise things....I'll start with making a LIST :)
I spent some time with my eldest today to talk about how she feels about things going on in our family. Interesting the sorts of things a child shares with their parents. I pray that the transparency in our relationship continues. I'm glad that she feels that she is happy with how things are going. :)
ha! in saying that when Dan and I get quite heated in our discussion we used to let our emotions take control of the situation. So there were a lot of door slamming and yelling going on. But over time we've learnt to resolve the situation by removing our emotion and communicating things more specifically and most of all having patience and discernment. Life is so much easier when you're able to sort out the arguments that is worth putting energy into etc. I love my husband. He is so good to me. In cleaning the spare room I came across our old year books :) Something for us to reminisce about sometime :)
Today has been a good day. My family are happy. Tonight my girls prayed for protection and for God's healing to cover our family. I pray that you are all in good health also.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Day 65 - Some bad news...
Still feeling pretty groggy I received some bad news today that this week will not be my last week with the picc line in my arm. The nurse advised that they have ordered another week. I have another MRI scan scheduled for next week before I meet with the doctors again to review my programme. It will be interesting to know how much has changed if there are any.
I managed to do some paper work today which was good. Get my brain going. I've decided to have an early night tonight, my body feels cold. I'll be heading to the doctors tomorrow with my dad as he is not feeling well either.
Another night with a great meal and my mum still doesn't want to share her recipes.
Tonight is a short blog because I'm feeling so tired and really worn out but I hope that you have all had a great day today.
I managed to do some paper work today which was good. Get my brain going. I've decided to have an early night tonight, my body feels cold. I'll be heading to the doctors tomorrow with my dad as he is not feeling well either.
Another night with a great meal and my mum still doesn't want to share her recipes.
Tonight is a short blog because I'm feeling so tired and really worn out but I hope that you have all had a great day today.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Day 64 -....Day 1 of reducing pain relief
It was a cold day today in Wellington! I hate thinking about my girls going to school in the rain.
My parents are not well at the moment but they are doing their best to take care of me and my family. The dinners have been awesome!!! Will really miss my mum when she leaves. I'm sure Dan will too :) Interesting that she will not share any of her recipes though. Greedy I think :) It's funny hearing my parents with my girls. My dad talks to them exactly how he used to talk to me and my brothers except without the ear-clipping :) My mum has been great and taught them a new song which Mira has already begun to sing variations of and making us all laugh.
So today is Day 1 of reducing the pain relief. I'm trying not to worry too much about the pain. My body is aching and I do feel like I'm coming down with the cold. My throat was sore yesterday and I have been feeling the hot flushes. I'm going to have an early night tonight. My body is aching.
But before I go...I was watching this programme about a couple on deathrow. They were convicted of abducting and killing 13 girls and their son. While the FBI were convinced that there were more girls killed they tried to get the locations of those girls out of the husband. They were also convinced that the wife was the innocent party and believed that she did not kill their son. The couple were to be electrocuted on the same night, an hour apart. The husband first and then the wife. The wife had always known that her son was alive which would prove her innocence and therefore she would not executed. The FBI felt that she should be saved and therefore sought out her son and found him. The wife had pleaded that she is at peace with the life that she lead with her husband and that she made the right choice in giving up her son (her husband thought she killed their son - which he wanted.). She knew that if her son found out who his parents were it would influence his life. He was adopted into a wealthy family who cared and loved him as their own. He had won a scholarship and was an accomplished musician. The FBI gave in to the wife's pleading and did not tell the boy who his mother was. The wife was then executed with the peace that her son was free from her husband and living a good life. One which she could not give.
Watching this programme I think about those women who had to give up their children because of whatever reason and how hard that decision would have been. This happened to a good friend of mine. I felt sad for her when she would tell me how hard it was to give her away when she gave birth. My friend was barely out of her teens herself but I remember seeing those tears that a mother would only have when they had lost their child. The right thing to do would have been to reveal the son so that the wife/mother would be set free. What a difficult decision for the wife/mother to make and for the FBI agent also.
I talk about choices and decision so much because a lot of us do not realise the power we have in making choices/decision in our lives. We make choices every day. What tooth paste to use. Whether to make our bed in the morning. Whether to have breakfast before we leave home. No matter how big or small our choices are, these choices mould our character, our person. For the wife/mother, the decision she made to give away her son so that her husband would not find out, moulded her into a strong woman, one of faith that her son will have a better life than the one that she could give.
I made a choice ten years ago to become a born again christian and my life has never been the same again. Nor did I expect for my life to ever turn out the way it has thus far. Illness or no illness I hope that my future will be one that is moulded from the good and Godly choices I make from today onwards and that my children and husband will be proud of.
My parents are not well at the moment but they are doing their best to take care of me and my family. The dinners have been awesome!!! Will really miss my mum when she leaves. I'm sure Dan will too :) Interesting that she will not share any of her recipes though. Greedy I think :) It's funny hearing my parents with my girls. My dad talks to them exactly how he used to talk to me and my brothers except without the ear-clipping :) My mum has been great and taught them a new song which Mira has already begun to sing variations of and making us all laugh.
So today is Day 1 of reducing the pain relief. I'm trying not to worry too much about the pain. My body is aching and I do feel like I'm coming down with the cold. My throat was sore yesterday and I have been feeling the hot flushes. I'm going to have an early night tonight. My body is aching.
But before I go...I was watching this programme about a couple on deathrow. They were convicted of abducting and killing 13 girls and their son. While the FBI were convinced that there were more girls killed they tried to get the locations of those girls out of the husband. They were also convinced that the wife was the innocent party and believed that she did not kill their son. The couple were to be electrocuted on the same night, an hour apart. The husband first and then the wife. The wife had always known that her son was alive which would prove her innocence and therefore she would not executed. The FBI felt that she should be saved and therefore sought out her son and found him. The wife had pleaded that she is at peace with the life that she lead with her husband and that she made the right choice in giving up her son (her husband thought she killed their son - which he wanted.). She knew that if her son found out who his parents were it would influence his life. He was adopted into a wealthy family who cared and loved him as their own. He had won a scholarship and was an accomplished musician. The FBI gave in to the wife's pleading and did not tell the boy who his mother was. The wife was then executed with the peace that her son was free from her husband and living a good life. One which she could not give.
Watching this programme I think about those women who had to give up their children because of whatever reason and how hard that decision would have been. This happened to a good friend of mine. I felt sad for her when she would tell me how hard it was to give her away when she gave birth. My friend was barely out of her teens herself but I remember seeing those tears that a mother would only have when they had lost their child. The right thing to do would have been to reveal the son so that the wife/mother would be set free. What a difficult decision for the wife/mother to make and for the FBI agent also.
I talk about choices and decision so much because a lot of us do not realise the power we have in making choices/decision in our lives. We make choices every day. What tooth paste to use. Whether to make our bed in the morning. Whether to have breakfast before we leave home. No matter how big or small our choices are, these choices mould our character, our person. For the wife/mother, the decision she made to give away her son so that her husband would not find out, moulded her into a strong woman, one of faith that her son will have a better life than the one that she could give.
I made a choice ten years ago to become a born again christian and my life has never been the same again. Nor did I expect for my life to ever turn out the way it has thus far. Illness or no illness I hope that my future will be one that is moulded from the good and Godly choices I make from today onwards and that my children and husband will be proud of.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Day 63 - Good news....
It was hard to believe when the nurse coordinator told me today that this would be my last week with the antibiotic infuser (picc line in my arm). That would make this week my 6th week with this antibiotics! Wow! I told the coordinator that the pain relief has worked really well so this week I can start weaning off the pain killers. I was excited when I told Dan and I followed on with "Yay I can start exercising". Well that idea was quickly squashed with his "but you still have to take it easy". Oh poos :).
My girls stayed home today and hung out with my parents. I slept in, until my nurse arrived. She made it up my driveway. Thankfully the driveway was dry so there wasn't going to be any slip 'n slides today!. Remember those? slip 'n slides? who didn't use a tarpaulin and dish washing liquid?? there were plenty a skid marks during those summers :) My brothers would know.
Interesting I received a number of calls today from one of the patients I met in hospital. I must return her call tomorrow. Also from an old school friend. It was good to hear from them. I can't believe that this is the last week of July. I will be heading back to work soon.
I'm feeling really groggy today. My throat is aching and I nose is all stuffy. It felt nice to just sleep the day away while my parents took care of my girls. They really enjoyed their time together.
I got to spend some time catching up with my mum in the "kitchen". We talked about what's going on in our lives. I asked her questions about her past. It was nice that she quickly shared it with me. The rest week I'm sure will reveal more about my parents upbringing. I don't know why I never asked them before.
I've spent a bit of time on facebook today, as we do. :) It's interesting to see how people use the "what's on your mind" field. I think it can be used too literally. It can be a dangerous thing to do so because as we are all unique our words can be interpreted differently. Someone once said that once it is out there (on the internet), you can never get it back. I begin to wonder when personal things (our situations) are hung out to dry on facebook or bebo for all to see, it begs the question do people have positive supporters in their lives to vent to? to share their thoughts with? Something to think think about.
Well today starts my 10pm curfew on the laptop :) so I'm going to do my best to stick to it especially now that things are looking better for me health-wise. Praise God!
Before I sign off, here are some pics of my gorgeous family who have helped out recently....
My girls stayed home today and hung out with my parents. I slept in, until my nurse arrived. She made it up my driveway. Thankfully the driveway was dry so there wasn't going to be any slip 'n slides today!. Remember those? slip 'n slides? who didn't use a tarpaulin and dish washing liquid?? there were plenty a skid marks during those summers :) My brothers would know.
Interesting I received a number of calls today from one of the patients I met in hospital. I must return her call tomorrow. Also from an old school friend. It was good to hear from them. I can't believe that this is the last week of July. I will be heading back to work soon.
I'm feeling really groggy today. My throat is aching and I nose is all stuffy. It felt nice to just sleep the day away while my parents took care of my girls. They really enjoyed their time together.
I got to spend some time catching up with my mum in the "kitchen". We talked about what's going on in our lives. I asked her questions about her past. It was nice that she quickly shared it with me. The rest week I'm sure will reveal more about my parents upbringing. I don't know why I never asked them before.
I've spent a bit of time on facebook today, as we do. :) It's interesting to see how people use the "what's on your mind" field. I think it can be used too literally. It can be a dangerous thing to do so because as we are all unique our words can be interpreted differently. Someone once said that once it is out there (on the internet), you can never get it back. I begin to wonder when personal things (our situations) are hung out to dry on facebook or bebo for all to see, it begs the question do people have positive supporters in their lives to vent to? to share their thoughts with? Something to think think about.
Well today starts my 10pm curfew on the laptop :) so I'm going to do my best to stick to it especially now that things are looking better for me health-wise. Praise God!
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| Aunty playing Blockus with my girls |
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| Story time |
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| Ready to go into the oven |
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| Baking cookies |
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| Uncle Junior working on Project Driveway |
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| Uncle Junior making his famous banana cake |
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| Making cookies with their cousin |
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| With their Uncle Ben |
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| Trip to the laundromat with their Uncle Ben |
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| Eating the dinner Uncle Ben made |
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| Cooking dinner with Uncle Guido |
Day 62 - The Eagles have landed...
My parents arrived safely this morning. It was good to see them. Thankfully the Wellington weather was good today hopefully giving my parents a taste of what the week may be like. They looked really happy to see my girls.
Today my nurse met me at church to do my check-ups and exchange the infuser. Funny that the message at church this morning was about praying. My sister and I talked about how prayer is an important part of our daily lives and connects us to our Father each day. Something that always needs improvement. Over the years that Dan and I have led the youth a common question would come about how one should pray. Jesus gives us a good example of what a prayer should consist of. Basically I think a prayer can be looked at in four parts: Acknowledgement, Forgiveness, Our Needs and Thanks. Often when we think of prayers, we think of formality, something that is said for the sake of saying it, can be without emotion. I've learnt to pray in a way that feels comfortable to me. My prayers are like an open conversation with someone. I like to talk to God about anything and everything that is happening in my life. First I acknowledge that He is an Almighty God and that He makes all things possible in my life. I ask Him to forgive me for the things that I have done wrong. I ask Him for help on specific things in my life. I pray for people in my life. I pray that there are opportunities for me to talk to people about Him. I pray that I am an example of a good person. Lastly I give thanks for everything in my life and for the path that he has laid out before that I am yet to walk down. Our girls are now praying on their own before they sleep, when they wake in the morning and before each meal. We have taught them a standard prayer but we encourage them to say what is in their hearts. So there has been many a morning/night where blankets are prayed for, lip gloss is prayed for, and the socks on their feet is prayed for. As funny and cute as these prayers sound what is most important is that these are spoken from the heart. That is something that God really wants to hear from us in our prayer. Though He knows everything that we think and feel it is by confessing with your mouth that makes your needs real to Him and to yourself. It is the action that follows the thought that it just as important.
This week will be a challenge for me, or perhaps more of an opportunity to rid of old behaviours when I am with my parents. I love my parents dearly for all that they have done for me and my brothers. I've lived away from my family for so long that I have developed a set of skills, a new mindset, new behaviours that only those that surround me at the moment can understand. So by taking my skills/new mindset/new behaviours and using them to communicate with my family can be hard. With my brothers it is easier because they, of course are New Zealand born. So I take on the opportunity to really talk with my parents about my life, their life but mostly to try and communicate to them my appreciation that they did the best they could to raise me and my brothers. Have you ever told your mum or dad that you love them? that you are grateful for what they have done for you and your siblings even though you do not quite understand?
Dan and I went to a combined church service with other AOG churches in the Wellington region. We enjoyed the service and caught up with many of our friends. We later took the opportunity to spend some quality time together and went out for dinner. (My girls stayed with my parents). It was really nice, and something I think we needed for some time. We reminisced about when we were dating. On the way home I asked Dan how he now feels about my illness. He promptly told me that I could do with more rest and use my time efficiently during the day to study. Well that just put a damper on our date night :) and here I was expecting something along the lines of a lovey-dovey response. After some quick fire exchange we agreed that I will be aiming to go to bed at 10pm each night and Dan will work on his list also. I always try to make an effort to ask Dan how he is feeling because I know that most of the time he tends to keep it to himself because he doesn't want to burden me or perhaps its because he says that I tend to ask him and then interrupt him and talk about something I've done or am feeling. I'm sure it's not the latter :)
I enjoyed my time with Dan tonight. We arrived home to find my parents watching telly, with the lounge heater on full blow and snuggled up with a couple of duvets. My girls had gone to be only half an hour before we arrived. It will be interesting to see whether they will wake up on time for school.
Well it's very late. I am absolutely amazed at the rate this blog is being read by people. 100 hits overnight is amazing! I'm typing away in bed and Dan interrupts me saying that my typing is really loud (everyone is asleep). I replied that I am typing with PURPOSE! :)....and that purpose is to share with you the goodness that God is doing in my life in particular during this time that I am ill.
Today my nurse met me at church to do my check-ups and exchange the infuser. Funny that the message at church this morning was about praying. My sister and I talked about how prayer is an important part of our daily lives and connects us to our Father each day. Something that always needs improvement. Over the years that Dan and I have led the youth a common question would come about how one should pray. Jesus gives us a good example of what a prayer should consist of. Basically I think a prayer can be looked at in four parts: Acknowledgement, Forgiveness, Our Needs and Thanks. Often when we think of prayers, we think of formality, something that is said for the sake of saying it, can be without emotion. I've learnt to pray in a way that feels comfortable to me. My prayers are like an open conversation with someone. I like to talk to God about anything and everything that is happening in my life. First I acknowledge that He is an Almighty God and that He makes all things possible in my life. I ask Him to forgive me for the things that I have done wrong. I ask Him for help on specific things in my life. I pray for people in my life. I pray that there are opportunities for me to talk to people about Him. I pray that I am an example of a good person. Lastly I give thanks for everything in my life and for the path that he has laid out before that I am yet to walk down. Our girls are now praying on their own before they sleep, when they wake in the morning and before each meal. We have taught them a standard prayer but we encourage them to say what is in their hearts. So there has been many a morning/night where blankets are prayed for, lip gloss is prayed for, and the socks on their feet is prayed for. As funny and cute as these prayers sound what is most important is that these are spoken from the heart. That is something that God really wants to hear from us in our prayer. Though He knows everything that we think and feel it is by confessing with your mouth that makes your needs real to Him and to yourself. It is the action that follows the thought that it just as important.
This week will be a challenge for me, or perhaps more of an opportunity to rid of old behaviours when I am with my parents. I love my parents dearly for all that they have done for me and my brothers. I've lived away from my family for so long that I have developed a set of skills, a new mindset, new behaviours that only those that surround me at the moment can understand. So by taking my skills/new mindset/new behaviours and using them to communicate with my family can be hard. With my brothers it is easier because they, of course are New Zealand born. So I take on the opportunity to really talk with my parents about my life, their life but mostly to try and communicate to them my appreciation that they did the best they could to raise me and my brothers. Have you ever told your mum or dad that you love them? that you are grateful for what they have done for you and your siblings even though you do not quite understand?
Dan and I went to a combined church service with other AOG churches in the Wellington region. We enjoyed the service and caught up with many of our friends. We later took the opportunity to spend some quality time together and went out for dinner. (My girls stayed with my parents). It was really nice, and something I think we needed for some time. We reminisced about when we were dating. On the way home I asked Dan how he now feels about my illness. He promptly told me that I could do with more rest and use my time efficiently during the day to study. Well that just put a damper on our date night :) and here I was expecting something along the lines of a lovey-dovey response. After some quick fire exchange we agreed that I will be aiming to go to bed at 10pm each night and Dan will work on his list also. I always try to make an effort to ask Dan how he is feeling because I know that most of the time he tends to keep it to himself because he doesn't want to burden me or perhaps its because he says that I tend to ask him and then interrupt him and talk about something I've done or am feeling. I'm sure it's not the latter :)
I enjoyed my time with Dan tonight. We arrived home to find my parents watching telly, with the lounge heater on full blow and snuggled up with a couple of duvets. My girls had gone to be only half an hour before we arrived. It will be interesting to see whether they will wake up on time for school.
Well it's very late. I am absolutely amazed at the rate this blog is being read by people. 100 hits overnight is amazing! I'm typing away in bed and Dan interrupts me saying that my typing is really loud (everyone is asleep). I replied that I am typing with PURPOSE! :)....and that purpose is to share with you the goodness that God is doing in my life in particular during this time that I am ill.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Day 61 - Great Planning Meeting & Red Nail Polish
Dan had organised a planning day with other youth leaders from our region. The purpose of the day was to develop a plan of activities that will strengthen the youth groups. It was a great meeting, with a good turn out. We were blessed with scrumptious cupcakes with cream topped with strawberries and rice bubble slices courtesy of Mrs Tofae's little helpers :). The meeting started off with a quick ice breaker playing "Bop It". If you haven't played this game yet, then you should run down to your local Warehouse and get it. It's great fun. My girls love playing it. A really good way to exercise your left and right brain :) The rest of the meeting went really well and we came up with some short, medium and long-term activities for our Unified youth groups. Really encouraged by all who attended. I have had in my heart to use my skills and knowledge in Human Resources in particular the area of development, in my service for God and thankfully the opportunity has come along. I put my hand up to design various workshops that will run in the next year or so that will cover a number of areas that the group agreed is a need for our youth. It's such a great feeling to be surrounded by people who support each other and encourage each other to step up to the mark. I really enjoyed today's meeting and truly believe that God will move in our plans.
We then spent a couple of hours with our girls. Dan and I always find it important that as much as we serve in our ministry we always let our girls know what's going. Today they understood that we were in a meeting today for a period of time and that we needed them to be on their best behaviour and then following the meeting we will spend some time together. By letting our girls know what's going on they don't feel any resentment towards us. We show them how we must fulfil our commitments. We always ensure that in our busy day of meetings, we make time with our girls. We have always made the effort to do the best that we can to commit to what we say to our girls and in return they have done the same thing to us.
I spent some time thinking about the relationships I have with my family and friends in my life. I am very fortunate at this age that I have the relationships that I have. I have decided this year to let people know what I think/feel about things but in a way that my message will be received and in an appropriate time. Often we say things at the wrong time and we never achieve what we set out to do. But this year, I have decided that I am not going to withhold my feelings and let it boil inside me to the point where I begin to think the worst of the situation. And to be honest, it is a great feeling to get things off my chest. My relationships with people are a lot better because I have not allowed my feelings to stir within me. I like to check in with people about our relationship and make sure that everything is okay. I don't think this is about worrying too much, I think it's more about caring enough to change my attitude to improve the relationship and if things are still the same then I know that it isn't me that needed to change but at least I have done what I can. I know that I am not perfect but I'd like to think that I am doing my best to improve things that matter to me in my life.
Later in the evening, my in-laws came over to watch some rugby game that was on :). My sister and I were catching up in the kitchen. With my family coming down in these past 3 weeks I haven't had a lot of time with her whereas normally we see each other almost everyday. I love being in the kitchen. Not because I like to cook or bake but I have the fondest memories in the kitchen. During family gatherings and church events I would be in the kitchen helping out which I didn't enjoy but it's the conversations that I had with family and friends that I always remember. We would laugh and joke about things that have happened in our day, share personal secrets, sing random songs and just have fun. So when my sister and I are in the kitchen we talk and laugh about a lot of things. I always say what's said in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen :) A good snap with the towel was always fun too :) When my sister used to complain about doing chores in the kitchen I would tell her about how I felt the same way but then enjoyed it because I had fun being with my cousins and just laughing and sharing things. It definitely made our time in the kitchen go by a lot faster. And now my sister smiles more than she frowns in the kitchen :).
My parents arrive tomorrow. I'm looking forward to having them here and spending time with my girls. I'm going to pitch my idea to my dad about building steps on the margin of our steep driveway. If he agrees, he'll have to work pretty fast 'cause he's not here for very long :) I received a text from my cousin who will be flying down to help out in a couple of weeks. I laughed when she asked in her text whether she had to cook because now she thinks she can't after reading all the good things that I've written about others who have cooked for us. Ha!
I'm looking forward to church service tomorrow. I have ironed my girls clothes and mine. Dan irons his own clothes :) It's going to be a good day tomorrow. I really believe that I am a lot better now, and nothing like I was 60 days ago :) Thank you so much for your prayers and support during this time. I have received a lot of feedback about this blog and am so blessed to hear what people have thought about it and the things that really touched them. I met one of Dan's friends at the mall today who told me that she had just finished ready this blog and she felt inspired. I have had family who I didn't think would be reading this blog that are following this also and just feel really humbled by their comments. To God be all the Glory for the goodness that He has done in my life. Without Him I cannot do anything in my life. I am a living testimony that with Jesus as my Saviour all things are good in my life.
So with preparing my clothes for church tomorrow I have splashed a dark shade of red on my nails for an inexpensive pamper and look forward to the new day that awaits me when the sun rises!!
We then spent a couple of hours with our girls. Dan and I always find it important that as much as we serve in our ministry we always let our girls know what's going. Today they understood that we were in a meeting today for a period of time and that we needed them to be on their best behaviour and then following the meeting we will spend some time together. By letting our girls know what's going on they don't feel any resentment towards us. We show them how we must fulfil our commitments. We always ensure that in our busy day of meetings, we make time with our girls. We have always made the effort to do the best that we can to commit to what we say to our girls and in return they have done the same thing to us.
I spent some time thinking about the relationships I have with my family and friends in my life. I am very fortunate at this age that I have the relationships that I have. I have decided this year to let people know what I think/feel about things but in a way that my message will be received and in an appropriate time. Often we say things at the wrong time and we never achieve what we set out to do. But this year, I have decided that I am not going to withhold my feelings and let it boil inside me to the point where I begin to think the worst of the situation. And to be honest, it is a great feeling to get things off my chest. My relationships with people are a lot better because I have not allowed my feelings to stir within me. I like to check in with people about our relationship and make sure that everything is okay. I don't think this is about worrying too much, I think it's more about caring enough to change my attitude to improve the relationship and if things are still the same then I know that it isn't me that needed to change but at least I have done what I can. I know that I am not perfect but I'd like to think that I am doing my best to improve things that matter to me in my life.
Later in the evening, my in-laws came over to watch some rugby game that was on :). My sister and I were catching up in the kitchen. With my family coming down in these past 3 weeks I haven't had a lot of time with her whereas normally we see each other almost everyday. I love being in the kitchen. Not because I like to cook or bake but I have the fondest memories in the kitchen. During family gatherings and church events I would be in the kitchen helping out which I didn't enjoy but it's the conversations that I had with family and friends that I always remember. We would laugh and joke about things that have happened in our day, share personal secrets, sing random songs and just have fun. So when my sister and I are in the kitchen we talk and laugh about a lot of things. I always say what's said in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen :) A good snap with the towel was always fun too :) When my sister used to complain about doing chores in the kitchen I would tell her about how I felt the same way but then enjoyed it because I had fun being with my cousins and just laughing and sharing things. It definitely made our time in the kitchen go by a lot faster. And now my sister smiles more than she frowns in the kitchen :).
My parents arrive tomorrow. I'm looking forward to having them here and spending time with my girls. I'm going to pitch my idea to my dad about building steps on the margin of our steep driveway. If he agrees, he'll have to work pretty fast 'cause he's not here for very long :) I received a text from my cousin who will be flying down to help out in a couple of weeks. I laughed when she asked in her text whether she had to cook because now she thinks she can't after reading all the good things that I've written about others who have cooked for us. Ha!
I'm looking forward to church service tomorrow. I have ironed my girls clothes and mine. Dan irons his own clothes :) It's going to be a good day tomorrow. I really believe that I am a lot better now, and nothing like I was 60 days ago :) Thank you so much for your prayers and support during this time. I have received a lot of feedback about this blog and am so blessed to hear what people have thought about it and the things that really touched them. I met one of Dan's friends at the mall today who told me that she had just finished ready this blog and she felt inspired. I have had family who I didn't think would be reading this blog that are following this also and just feel really humbled by their comments. To God be all the Glory for the goodness that He has done in my life. Without Him I cannot do anything in my life. I am a living testimony that with Jesus as my Saviour all things are good in my life.
So with preparing my clothes for church tomorrow I have splashed a dark shade of red on my nails for an inexpensive pamper and look forward to the new day that awaits me when the sun rises!!
Friday, July 23, 2010
Day 60 - My parents are coming.... :)
:( My brother returned home with his family today. But I'm thankful for the time we spent together. Spending time with my beautiful niece and handsome nephew was priceless. I'm glad that our children got along given that they rarely spend time together. My gorgeous cousin Guido left this morning. So thankful for the time he spared to help me and my family out. Funny that in the short time he took care of my girls and cooked dinner he appreciated what his mum went through :).
Today was a day of the usual check-up. My regular nurse is on leave for a week and a half and I'm missing her dearly! Interesting that the nurses I have now are asking me where my pulse is normally taken. ??? But everything checked out okay.
I visited my workplace today. It was so good to see my team mates. Really miss working along side them. I am looking forward to returning to work in 3 - 4 weeks time. I am going to have to brush up on my employment knowledge before I return.
My body is feeling okay. I feel ready to do more. My parents arrive this weekend. We are looking forward to having them with us for a while. I think I'll be able to focus more on my study and sleeping earlier with my mum around. Project Driveway is still to be completed, so with my dad in town I'm sure it will be very soon :). The nurses will be pleased.
My days are looking brighter. My spirit feels good and I am thankful for everything that I have in my life.
Today was a day of the usual check-up. My regular nurse is on leave for a week and a half and I'm missing her dearly! Interesting that the nurses I have now are asking me where my pulse is normally taken. ??? But everything checked out okay.
I visited my workplace today. It was so good to see my team mates. Really miss working along side them. I am looking forward to returning to work in 3 - 4 weeks time. I am going to have to brush up on my employment knowledge before I return.
My body is feeling okay. I feel ready to do more. My parents arrive this weekend. We are looking forward to having them with us for a while. I think I'll be able to focus more on my study and sleeping earlier with my mum around. Project Driveway is still to be completed, so with my dad in town I'm sure it will be very soon :). The nurses will be pleased.
My days are looking brighter. My spirit feels good and I am thankful for everything that I have in my life.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Day 59 - More help has arrived :)...
My check up again has gone well, though I am tired of having to travel to the hospital each day because I would rather sleep in. Spent the rest of the afternoon hanging out with my brother which was nice. I'm going to miss him very much. When we arrived home he quickly baked a cake for my in-laws who will babysit my girls tonight. It was great to watch him be so domesticated :).
My cousin arrived today and came over to cook dinner. I quickly bathed the girls, and prepared their lunches and clothes to stay the night at their nana's. That was enough to really knock the energy out of me. So while my cousin prepared our meal and looked after my girls I got some rest. I am so thankful that he has come out to help us. He is only here for a short time but I am happy that he is here.
I loved hearing my girls getting along with their uncle. He did so well to keep their entertained and cook a meal for us. The dinner was delicious and my girls couldn't get enough of it. They were so excited to spend time with their uncle.
I'm feeling pretty good, though still get pretty exhausted quickly. Already there are things that I need to get onto like study. But with my family being in town all I want to do is spend time with them. My parents arrive this weekend which I'm really happy about and looking forward to seeing them.
Spending time with my brother today we reminisced about our upbringing. We talked about the things that our parents taught us. I told him that I was amazed that the things our dad taught us I do today with my children. An Austrian author once said that "In youth we learn, in age we understand". Growing up I felt that my relationship with my mother would always be troubled but in spending time with my aunty and understanding my mother's upbringing I have come to learn so much more and feel so much more closer to her. I can't wait to see her this weekend. There are opportunities in our life that may never come around twice. I try hard to recognise these opportunities and make the most of it. This year I have decided to not assume the worst in situations, to let people know what I think at the appropriate time and in a way that my thoughts will be received. I have learnt to let go and to move forward. It is very true that our life is short so why worry about the troubles of tomorrow. During my time of healing I have learnt to talk with my brothers and spend this quality time with them to talk about anything and everything. I am so proud of my brothers and to see them become the men they are today. I love their families. They have beautiful children and their wives compliment them. It is great to see that my brothers are blessed with beautiful families. It is one of many worries that parents have to wonder who their children will marry. To have a good relationship with your in-laws is an important thing. I truly believe that it is my responsibility for my family to have a relationship with my parents. It is my responsibility to create opportunities for my husband and children to know their in-laws, grandparents, their uncles and aunties and their cousins. They say that an argument between sets of parents should stay with them and not effect their children's relationship. But that is not true. Children get direction from their parents. If your aunty/uncle is not happy with your mum/dad then it is natural for your cousin to not be happy with you. It is a sad truth that this happens in life. For any disagreement to occur between me and my brothers I make it my responsibility to sort things out with them quickly so as not to affect our children. I think we can get so caught up in our arguments that we do not realise who it affects. I find it sad that parents allow their troubles with others become their children's. The cycle continues when this happens. I am glad that my relationship (and my family's) with my brothers and their families is healthy.
My brother leaves with his family tomorrow. I am sad but I am truly thankful for the opportunity He has given us to be together during this time. I feel truly blessed.
My cousin arrived today and came over to cook dinner. I quickly bathed the girls, and prepared their lunches and clothes to stay the night at their nana's. That was enough to really knock the energy out of me. So while my cousin prepared our meal and looked after my girls I got some rest. I am so thankful that he has come out to help us. He is only here for a short time but I am happy that he is here.
I loved hearing my girls getting along with their uncle. He did so well to keep their entertained and cook a meal for us. The dinner was delicious and my girls couldn't get enough of it. They were so excited to spend time with their uncle.
I'm feeling pretty good, though still get pretty exhausted quickly. Already there are things that I need to get onto like study. But with my family being in town all I want to do is spend time with them. My parents arrive this weekend which I'm really happy about and looking forward to seeing them.
Spending time with my brother today we reminisced about our upbringing. We talked about the things that our parents taught us. I told him that I was amazed that the things our dad taught us I do today with my children. An Austrian author once said that "In youth we learn, in age we understand". Growing up I felt that my relationship with my mother would always be troubled but in spending time with my aunty and understanding my mother's upbringing I have come to learn so much more and feel so much more closer to her. I can't wait to see her this weekend. There are opportunities in our life that may never come around twice. I try hard to recognise these opportunities and make the most of it. This year I have decided to not assume the worst in situations, to let people know what I think at the appropriate time and in a way that my thoughts will be received. I have learnt to let go and to move forward. It is very true that our life is short so why worry about the troubles of tomorrow. During my time of healing I have learnt to talk with my brothers and spend this quality time with them to talk about anything and everything. I am so proud of my brothers and to see them become the men they are today. I love their families. They have beautiful children and their wives compliment them. It is great to see that my brothers are blessed with beautiful families. It is one of many worries that parents have to wonder who their children will marry. To have a good relationship with your in-laws is an important thing. I truly believe that it is my responsibility for my family to have a relationship with my parents. It is my responsibility to create opportunities for my husband and children to know their in-laws, grandparents, their uncles and aunties and their cousins. They say that an argument between sets of parents should stay with them and not effect their children's relationship. But that is not true. Children get direction from their parents. If your aunty/uncle is not happy with your mum/dad then it is natural for your cousin to not be happy with you. It is a sad truth that this happens in life. For any disagreement to occur between me and my brothers I make it my responsibility to sort things out with them quickly so as not to affect our children. I think we can get so caught up in our arguments that we do not realise who it affects. I find it sad that parents allow their troubles with others become their children's. The cycle continues when this happens. I am glad that my relationship (and my family's) with my brothers and their families is healthy.
My brother leaves with his family tomorrow. I am sad but I am truly thankful for the opportunity He has given us to be together during this time. I feel truly blessed.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Day 58 - Project Driveway almost complete
My brother is doing so well. I am definitely getting the most out of my "chauffeur" during this trip. And I have not heard one peep from him but only where I need to go. I love my brother so much and am so thankful for the help he is giving me and my family. Watching him today work our driveway I felt very grateful. I commended my brother on the good work he has done so far and he described it as "your driveway is like a canvas, and the water-blaster is like....the smallest paint brush that you can find. It's pretty hard work" :) always the comedian.
We've just returned from dinner and I made the mistake of ordering extra entrees instead of mains and now I feel icky.
Today has been okay. A little annoyed that I was double booked at the nurse's clinic at the hospital so I had to wait. I talked about one of my preferred love languages being service and that is totally what my brother, my family has done for me and my family during this time. Because my appointment took so long I arrived late to a Pastor's meeting to present a proposal for some development workshops our church is wanting to run some time.
I managed to get a few hours sleep today. I am feeling better but need to catch up on some sleep. I think I can do without the pain relief though the medication still takes a lot out of my body.
Today I thought about how great God is to listen to my needs. I have always wanted more time with my family and he has blessed me these opportunities for my family to be here with me. My body is healing slowly but surely. My family are all well. We have so much to be thankful for and I praise God for this life that I live.
We've just returned from dinner and I made the mistake of ordering extra entrees instead of mains and now I feel icky.
Today has been okay. A little annoyed that I was double booked at the nurse's clinic at the hospital so I had to wait. I talked about one of my preferred love languages being service and that is totally what my brother, my family has done for me and my family during this time. Because my appointment took so long I arrived late to a Pastor's meeting to present a proposal for some development workshops our church is wanting to run some time.
I managed to get a few hours sleep today. I am feeling better but need to catch up on some sleep. I think I can do without the pain relief though the medication still takes a lot out of my body.
Today I thought about how great God is to listen to my needs. I have always wanted more time with my family and he has blessed me these opportunities for my family to be here with me. My body is healing slowly but surely. My family are all well. We have so much to be thankful for and I praise God for this life that I live.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Day 56 & 57 - Project Driveway started....
My other brother arrived yesterday. I am so happy that my family are here with me and mine. He relaxed during his first day here :) ready to get stuck into it today.
My checks have been good so far. What seems to be causing us a bit of grief and the nurses is our driveway. So this week Project Driveway is under way. My brother Junior is now spraying the driveway with some solution to loosen the moss so that it is easier to water blast. But first he had to rid of the weed killer that was in the watering can. It was entertaining to watch him spray not only the weeds but the trees also. Sheesh... :)
He seems to have picked up the roads pretty quickly so he'll be off to pick up my girls from school while I have a nap. I forgot to take my medication this morning so I was a little nervous waiting for him at the mall following my appointment while he was at the gym. I definitely feel exhausted.
I am really keen to get back onto things but my energy levels are a little low. I better not get a head of myself.
For now I have to travel to the hospital to have my checks and medication administered because of the issue with my driveway. Some will be happy to know that we will look into putting up some stairs :) But we'll see how things go.
Okay I'd better nap because I'm falling asleep while I'm typing. So much for napping!!
My brother picked up my girls from school, cooked dinner and made dessert. It was such a blessing to see him cook :) Isn't it great when memories come to mind of when your younger days with your siblings? One of my fondest memories of me and my brothers lying in our beds in each of our rooms listening to Ben telling us his knock knock jokes :) and playing tag indoors with socks and skidding through the house. One time I chased after Junior through the kitchen. As he passed through the doorway, he closed the door and I skidded right into the door. I saw stars for a while. But man that was funny :). My brother is heading overseas with his family for a couple of years. I'm going to miss him and his family so much. We rarely see each other but they are not far from our hearts.
Well I've decided to have an early night tonight. Because I feel that I will be ready to head back to work soon :) so I need to get into the right sleeping patterns. So far my week is going great apart from the driveway dilemma.
Hope you all have a great night tonight.
My checks have been good so far. What seems to be causing us a bit of grief and the nurses is our driveway. So this week Project Driveway is under way. My brother Junior is now spraying the driveway with some solution to loosen the moss so that it is easier to water blast. But first he had to rid of the weed killer that was in the watering can. It was entertaining to watch him spray not only the weeds but the trees also. Sheesh... :)
He seems to have picked up the roads pretty quickly so he'll be off to pick up my girls from school while I have a nap. I forgot to take my medication this morning so I was a little nervous waiting for him at the mall following my appointment while he was at the gym. I definitely feel exhausted.
I am really keen to get back onto things but my energy levels are a little low. I better not get a head of myself.
For now I have to travel to the hospital to have my checks and medication administered because of the issue with my driveway. Some will be happy to know that we will look into putting up some stairs :) But we'll see how things go.
Okay I'd better nap because I'm falling asleep while I'm typing. So much for napping!!
My brother picked up my girls from school, cooked dinner and made dessert. It was such a blessing to see him cook :) Isn't it great when memories come to mind of when your younger days with your siblings? One of my fondest memories of me and my brothers lying in our beds in each of our rooms listening to Ben telling us his knock knock jokes :) and playing tag indoors with socks and skidding through the house. One time I chased after Junior through the kitchen. As he passed through the doorway, he closed the door and I skidded right into the door. I saw stars for a while. But man that was funny :). My brother is heading overseas with his family for a couple of years. I'm going to miss him and his family so much. We rarely see each other but they are not far from our hearts.
Well I've decided to have an early night tonight. Because I feel that I will be ready to head back to work soon :) so I need to get into the right sleeping patterns. So far my week is going great apart from the driveway dilemma.
Hope you all have a great night tonight.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Day 55 - and what a great day it was....
Absolutely enjoyed being in the house of the Lord today!!! Was welcomed with a cup of tea and biscuits and then headed into some great worship and Word. The Parables of the Talents (Matt 25:14 - 30) has got to be one of my favourite parables and on reflection is a theme that is consistent throughout my journey.
Today our worship team sang "I will run" by Freddy Rodriguez and man was I taken to another level. Beautiful chorus:
"So I will run
Forever I will run
Unto you oh God
Now you have my heart
So I will, I will run
Forever I will run
Run to you oh God
Where else can I go
Forever I will run"
This song and worship helped me to feel that nothing else matter but to sing so loud and so hard that my God could hear my love ringing in his ears. I testified about the goodness that God has done for me during this illness. God has been so faithful. I don't think I have ever questioned why this was happening to me but rather seeing this as an opportunity to serve Him.
I absolutely loved being at church today. My spirit was filled with Joy. I once heard another someone talk about Happiness comes from a happening therefore it comes and goes as the moment does but joy comes from within therefore it is everlasting. And today that is how my heart and spirit felt. Joyful.
My girls sang a song with me following my testimony which was there first time singing in front of a crowd and they sang with confidence. How innocent are the hearts of our children.
I absolutely loved today and today is the start of a new journey one that will look for opportunities to use my talents.
Are there opportunities for you to use your talents to help someone? to better your life and your family's?
I hope your day was a good as mine :)
God bless
Today our worship team sang "I will run" by Freddy Rodriguez and man was I taken to another level. Beautiful chorus:
"So I will run
Forever I will run
Unto you oh God
Now you have my heart
So I will, I will run
Forever I will run
Run to you oh God
Where else can I go
Forever I will run"
This song and worship helped me to feel that nothing else matter but to sing so loud and so hard that my God could hear my love ringing in his ears. I testified about the goodness that God has done for me during this illness. God has been so faithful. I don't think I have ever questioned why this was happening to me but rather seeing this as an opportunity to serve Him.
I absolutely loved being at church today. My spirit was filled with Joy. I once heard another someone talk about Happiness comes from a happening therefore it comes and goes as the moment does but joy comes from within therefore it is everlasting. And today that is how my heart and spirit felt. Joyful.
My girls sang a song with me following my testimony which was there first time singing in front of a crowd and they sang with confidence. How innocent are the hearts of our children.
I absolutely loved today and today is the start of a new journey one that will look for opportunities to use my talents.
Are there opportunities for you to use your talents to help someone? to better your life and your family's?
I hope your day was a good as mine :)
God bless
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Day 54 - Just us....
My aunty returned home today :( I feel so relaxed knowing that so much has been done during her stay. But more so the quality time we shared talking about our families and the relationships within our families. This trip has been so special because of the great things she has done for me and my family and for helping me to understand my own mum a little better. I have really enjoyed our time together. It was great to see my girls enjoying their time also with my aunty.
I am feeling a lot better. More so my spirit feels better. My body is tired but I am okay. Tomorrow morning will be the first time I will be at church in 5 weeks. I am looking forward to it.
I started to watch one of the DVD sets of Friends that my husband took our from the library. I started watching the episode about Phoebe being the surrogate mother for her brother's triplets. How hard it must be emotionally and physically to carry a child for someone else. I know what the pregnancy is like, having had two myself but to come to the end of that term and giving the child away is heart breaking. I watched as Phoebe held the triplets and wept as talked herself around to the idea of being the "favourite aunty". I think about those who have found themselves in situations where they have a child at a young age. This happened in my family. Personally, I was happy to hear that my brother and his partner decided to keep their baby at such a young age. They could never have known at that age that they would have an 8 year old son who does extremely well at school, my brother working is 6th year in the police force and his partner, now my sister-in-law is now studying to complete her nursing degree.
We all have difficult decisions to make in life and we cannot forsee the future but it is our faith that gives us the strength that we can and will achieve the best things in life. The outcome of our decisions mould us into the person we are today. The decision Phoebe in FRIENDS made to help out her brother in being their surrogate mother helped with starting a family. A process that would have been more costly and difficult for Phoebe's brother and partner. The decision my brother and his then partner (now wife) made has given them the determine to provide the best for their young family.
Just as my decision was to leave home nearly 10 years ago has moulded me to be a wife and mother with a great life, job, and now FOUR PAPERS to go for my degree!!! When I left home I prayed to God that if my decision to leave was part of God's plan then I will do my best to serve Him! and the rest is History... :)
......God bless
p.s. Go the All Blacks :)
I am feeling a lot better. More so my spirit feels better. My body is tired but I am okay. Tomorrow morning will be the first time I will be at church in 5 weeks. I am looking forward to it.
I started to watch one of the DVD sets of Friends that my husband took our from the library. I started watching the episode about Phoebe being the surrogate mother for her brother's triplets. How hard it must be emotionally and physically to carry a child for someone else. I know what the pregnancy is like, having had two myself but to come to the end of that term and giving the child away is heart breaking. I watched as Phoebe held the triplets and wept as talked herself around to the idea of being the "favourite aunty". I think about those who have found themselves in situations where they have a child at a young age. This happened in my family. Personally, I was happy to hear that my brother and his partner decided to keep their baby at such a young age. They could never have known at that age that they would have an 8 year old son who does extremely well at school, my brother working is 6th year in the police force and his partner, now my sister-in-law is now studying to complete her nursing degree.
We all have difficult decisions to make in life and we cannot forsee the future but it is our faith that gives us the strength that we can and will achieve the best things in life. The outcome of our decisions mould us into the person we are today. The decision Phoebe in FRIENDS made to help out her brother in being their surrogate mother helped with starting a family. A process that would have been more costly and difficult for Phoebe's brother and partner. The decision my brother and his then partner (now wife) made has given them the determine to provide the best for their young family.
Just as my decision was to leave home nearly 10 years ago has moulded me to be a wife and mother with a great life, job, and now FOUR PAPERS to go for my degree!!! When I left home I prayed to God that if my decision to leave was part of God's plan then I will do my best to serve Him! and the rest is History... :)
......God bless
p.s. Go the All Blacks :)
Friday, July 16, 2010
Day 53 - Another good day....
Woke to yummy pancakes and caramelised bananas :) Oh how I will miss my aunty when she leaves.
My checks with my nurse was fine and I feel on track. I managed to get a nap mid afternoon also. We stayed indoors today. My girls baked cookies with their aunty which they really enjoyed. Dan arrived home early from work today so we watched DVDs for the rest of the night. We stayed in for dinner and watched another DVD. Really enjoyed our last day together with my aunty. Such a blessing to have her around. So much has been done around the house I really feel relaxed.
We just finished watching "Everybody's Fine" featuring Robert De Niro, Kate Beckinsale and Drew Berrymore to name a few. What a great film. A tear-jerker to say the least. A great message about a family who loses their mother through an illness. It's Christmas and the father (De Niro) was expecting his children to come for dinner and all four of them came up with excuses not to come that year. The real reason was that something had happened to the eldest son and they didn't want to break the news to their father and hurt him. Because all the children did not come for Christmas he decided to make a risky trip and surprise all of them by visiting them in their cities, New York, Denver, Chicago, Las Vegas. A risky trip for him as the doctor advised that he needed to relax because of problems with his heart. What a beautiful story that reminded me of how me and my brothers live apart from my parents. We want so much to be independent of our parents and get caught up in our lives that we forget that our parents are getting old and only wish to spend some quality time with us.
That is what this illness has brought me, quality time with my family. I have another brother arriving next week and following that my parents will arrive. I am so blessed in this storm (my illness) that God has heard my cry to see my family with me in my house and spend time with me and my family. He is a great God and He knows what we go through, He knows our situation and He guides our decisions.
For whatever reason, when your parents ask you to come over for a visit.......do you say that your busy?
I know I have....but that's going to change. It may be too late to change what our parents have become but there is still time to change us.
God bless
My checks with my nurse was fine and I feel on track. I managed to get a nap mid afternoon also. We stayed indoors today. My girls baked cookies with their aunty which they really enjoyed. Dan arrived home early from work today so we watched DVDs for the rest of the night. We stayed in for dinner and watched another DVD. Really enjoyed our last day together with my aunty. Such a blessing to have her around. So much has been done around the house I really feel relaxed.
We just finished watching "Everybody's Fine" featuring Robert De Niro, Kate Beckinsale and Drew Berrymore to name a few. What a great film. A tear-jerker to say the least. A great message about a family who loses their mother through an illness. It's Christmas and the father (De Niro) was expecting his children to come for dinner and all four of them came up with excuses not to come that year. The real reason was that something had happened to the eldest son and they didn't want to break the news to their father and hurt him. Because all the children did not come for Christmas he decided to make a risky trip and surprise all of them by visiting them in their cities, New York, Denver, Chicago, Las Vegas. A risky trip for him as the doctor advised that he needed to relax because of problems with his heart. What a beautiful story that reminded me of how me and my brothers live apart from my parents. We want so much to be independent of our parents and get caught up in our lives that we forget that our parents are getting old and only wish to spend some quality time with us.
That is what this illness has brought me, quality time with my family. I have another brother arriving next week and following that my parents will arrive. I am so blessed in this storm (my illness) that God has heard my cry to see my family with me in my house and spend time with me and my family. He is a great God and He knows what we go through, He knows our situation and He guides our decisions.
For whatever reason, when your parents ask you to come over for a visit.......do you say that your busy?
I know I have....but that's going to change. It may be too late to change what our parents have become but there is still time to change us.
God bless
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Day 52 - Feeling really good and sore...
I've had a good day today. Managed to sleep in until my appointment this morning. My girls were scheduled to go on a trip with their nana and lost track of time, so they got moving when their nana appeared and they weren't ready. Great to see my girls get ready in 5 mins :). Wish they could do that for school :)
My aunty and I spent the day walking Jackson Street. In my opinion you haven't been to Lower Hutt unless you have walked through Jackson Street. The boutique stores and cafes are great places to visit. We spent about 3 hours walking through slowly, shopping and stopping for lunch.
I've really enjoyed my aunty's visit. Her help around the house and the home cooked meals have been tilt-your-head-and-roll-your-eyes-back yummy. The quality time has been great and she gives such great advice. It's nice to have someone outside of your immediate family that you can respect, look up to and admire with great love.
Our shopping spree brought us a parking ticket that later flew off our window screen when my aunty tried to use the indicator but used the window wipers instead :)
We arrived home and instead of relaxing I got stuck into cleaning my room. I should've taken it easy but having bought new things I wanted to remake the room. Oh how I have a new love in Vac 'n Pack bags :). My room looks great :) I later regretted it sitting at the kitchen table eating an appetiser of dutch sausages and sweet carrots as my muscles ached reminding me that they were still there.
My girls arrived home from their long day and are now playing games with my aunty. It's late at night but it's a beautiful sight to see.
I am feeling really good and Praise God for His goodness and for your prayers to see me restored to full health. I am on my way and I am feeling better each day. I am reminding myself to take it easy. To God be all the Glory for His Greatness, for His Wonderful love and His Mercy. It is only through Him that I am restored in spirit, mind, and body.
Lord, bless my aunty and all relatives who sacrifice time with their families to care for others. I pray that you continue to fill their hearts with love, strengthen their bodies to continue the good work and protect their families from all that is not of you. Cover them the days of their lives dear Lord and fill their homes with love and joy.
Bless you all.
My aunty and I spent the day walking Jackson Street. In my opinion you haven't been to Lower Hutt unless you have walked through Jackson Street. The boutique stores and cafes are great places to visit. We spent about 3 hours walking through slowly, shopping and stopping for lunch.
I've really enjoyed my aunty's visit. Her help around the house and the home cooked meals have been tilt-your-head-and-roll-your-eyes-back yummy. The quality time has been great and she gives such great advice. It's nice to have someone outside of your immediate family that you can respect, look up to and admire with great love.
Our shopping spree brought us a parking ticket that later flew off our window screen when my aunty tried to use the indicator but used the window wipers instead :)
We arrived home and instead of relaxing I got stuck into cleaning my room. I should've taken it easy but having bought new things I wanted to remake the room. Oh how I have a new love in Vac 'n Pack bags :). My room looks great :) I later regretted it sitting at the kitchen table eating an appetiser of dutch sausages and sweet carrots as my muscles ached reminding me that they were still there.
My girls arrived home from their long day and are now playing games with my aunty. It's late at night but it's a beautiful sight to see.
I am feeling really good and Praise God for His goodness and for your prayers to see me restored to full health. I am on my way and I am feeling better each day. I am reminding myself to take it easy. To God be all the Glory for His Greatness, for His Wonderful love and His Mercy. It is only through Him that I am restored in spirit, mind, and body.
Lord, bless my aunty and all relatives who sacrifice time with their families to care for others. I pray that you continue to fill their hearts with love, strengthen their bodies to continue the good work and protect their families from all that is not of you. Cover them the days of their lives dear Lord and fill their homes with love and joy.
Bless you all.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Day 51 - Some good news...I think
So my appointment today with the Infectious Diseases specialist was interesting. I asked a number of questions about my progress, level of medication, hallucinations etc. Basically the thing that is holding me back from doing the day-to-day (and heading back to work) is the pain. Interesting that I could live normally with the infection in my spine. Dan was a little confused and uncomfortable when I told him what the outcome was.
So what did I walk away with....I'm a little confused but I will get more information from the orthopaedic doctors at next week's appointment. I feel like I can do everything as it were before, but now I am definitely feeling it. I feel as though I have been working out at the gym and all I did today was change sheets and put new covers on a couple of chairs and put some washing away...goodness.
While I was at my appointment, my girls caught a movie with my aunty and then we had lunch with Dan's mum, aunty, sister-in-law Liz, and cousin. It was nice to just be out and about today. My gorgeous aunty allowed me some time to sleep while she folded our washing and hung out with my girls. My girls were so well behaved today. Bought them that "Bop it" game. Great game. My 3 yo is a pro and the age minimum is 8yo+. Great way to improve listening and reflex skills.
Dan returned home from a meeting with regional youth leaders about an upcoming event. He seemed really enthusiastic about the group of leaders. He seemed back to his old self, smiling and with a skip in his step too :). Got me all excited about the upcoming event too. Already he had me set up a page for the regional youth group on facebook :)
Right now I'm lying in bed with my new fresh sheets feeling very cosy and ready for bed. I am well overdue for my medication so I'd better take those very soon. I understand what it is like for a lot of our family and friends in particular elderly relatives who have to take so much medication...boy it ain't easy downing so many pills!
I'm looking forward to seeing my brother tomorrow. They visit from time to time with their families and it's always the case that they check out every room, the electronic gears we have, the equipment gear we have and of course what is in our fridge and pantry :) It's as though they go through some mental checklist of how I'm doing and these items are on their must-have list :) Love them!
I'm signing off now to take my medication with a banana and whittakers peanut and choc cubes. This combination will then keep me up for another 3 hours. :)
So what did I walk away with....I'm a little confused but I will get more information from the orthopaedic doctors at next week's appointment. I feel like I can do everything as it were before, but now I am definitely feeling it. I feel as though I have been working out at the gym and all I did today was change sheets and put new covers on a couple of chairs and put some washing away...goodness.
While I was at my appointment, my girls caught a movie with my aunty and then we had lunch with Dan's mum, aunty, sister-in-law Liz, and cousin. It was nice to just be out and about today. My gorgeous aunty allowed me some time to sleep while she folded our washing and hung out with my girls. My girls were so well behaved today. Bought them that "Bop it" game. Great game. My 3 yo is a pro and the age minimum is 8yo+. Great way to improve listening and reflex skills.
Dan returned home from a meeting with regional youth leaders about an upcoming event. He seemed really enthusiastic about the group of leaders. He seemed back to his old self, smiling and with a skip in his step too :). Got me all excited about the upcoming event too. Already he had me set up a page for the regional youth group on facebook :)
Right now I'm lying in bed with my new fresh sheets feeling very cosy and ready for bed. I am well overdue for my medication so I'd better take those very soon. I understand what it is like for a lot of our family and friends in particular elderly relatives who have to take so much medication...boy it ain't easy downing so many pills!
I'm looking forward to seeing my brother tomorrow. They visit from time to time with their families and it's always the case that they check out every room, the electronic gears we have, the equipment gear we have and of course what is in our fridge and pantry :) It's as though they go through some mental checklist of how I'm doing and these items are on their must-have list :) Love them!
I'm signing off now to take my medication with a banana and whittakers peanut and choc cubes. This combination will then keep me up for another 3 hours. :)
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Day 50 - Whoa! Day 50!!!
I never would've thought that this illness would have gone beyond 3 days..but wow Day 50?!
I had a few questions for my nurse this morning. Mostly about the hallucinations I've been having. She was a little concerned about my last episode and called my doctor. I'm advised to ease off on the pain relief tonight and see how that goes and to raise it with the infectious diseases doctors tomorrow. I had a few more questions about how much longer the recovery would be?, what happens when I run out of medications? etc. Apparently all my questions can be answered tomorrow.
So tomorrow I am scheduled to have another chest x-ray to check for fluid in my lungs as I am coughing up a little phlegm. Following that I will meet with the infectious diseases team and then my nurse to change the antibiotics infuser. It would be interesting to hear what their thoughts are about my illness in terms of my progress.
I am not getting enough sleep. I am still in the pattern of sleeping very late. We're talking about 'til the early hours of the morning. No wonder I am hallucinating. My girls are home tonight. It would be great to spend some time with them tomorrow. I caught a glimpse of Dr. Phil's show today about newlyweds feeling they may have made a mistake in marrying their partners. One couple were having trouble about having differing beliefs. While dating both partners had the same or similar christian beliefs. Once they were married the husband began to question their beliefs and yearned for more evidence. He claims that he never really understood the christian faith and went along with it.
I've come across a number of couples that have faced similar challenges. It may even be different faith. I am raised a Catholic and my husband is raised Assembly of God. I have always believed in God and what he has done for me in my life but there was something in the Catholic Christian faith I did not quite understand. I remember challenging my teacher/priest about a few things but wasn't quite satisfied with the answer I was given. So I guess at that point there was a seed already planted in my heart to find what it really means to live for Christ. Then I met my husband and before we even started going out, we were in the early stages of getting to know each other and he said to me, "Do you know whether you are going to make it to Heaven?". Now for someone who felt that her faith was strong though her life reflected slightly otherwise, I was deeply offended and responded quite negatively. But that question never really left my heart. Dan and I dated for over a year before we married and we talked thoroughly about our faith and how we would raise our children. We believe that it is important to talk about this and other things before you get married because you don't want to find out afterwards that your perspectives are different as these couples on the Dr Phil show realised. On October 29th 2000 I accepted Jesus as my Saviour and on October 30th, 2000 Dan and I were an official couple. :) Long before we had children we agreed on how we would raise our children in the faith and so far we have seen the fruits of our labour.
I had hoped tonight that I would have an early night but after having an awesome meal that my aunty made for us but more so for Dan's birthday I'm finding it hard to nod off.
Before I sign off perhaps this is something for you to think about too....
"Do you know whether you are going to make it to Heaven?"
I had a few questions for my nurse this morning. Mostly about the hallucinations I've been having. She was a little concerned about my last episode and called my doctor. I'm advised to ease off on the pain relief tonight and see how that goes and to raise it with the infectious diseases doctors tomorrow. I had a few more questions about how much longer the recovery would be?, what happens when I run out of medications? etc. Apparently all my questions can be answered tomorrow.
So tomorrow I am scheduled to have another chest x-ray to check for fluid in my lungs as I am coughing up a little phlegm. Following that I will meet with the infectious diseases team and then my nurse to change the antibiotics infuser. It would be interesting to hear what their thoughts are about my illness in terms of my progress.
I am not getting enough sleep. I am still in the pattern of sleeping very late. We're talking about 'til the early hours of the morning. No wonder I am hallucinating. My girls are home tonight. It would be great to spend some time with them tomorrow. I caught a glimpse of Dr. Phil's show today about newlyweds feeling they may have made a mistake in marrying their partners. One couple were having trouble about having differing beliefs. While dating both partners had the same or similar christian beliefs. Once they were married the husband began to question their beliefs and yearned for more evidence. He claims that he never really understood the christian faith and went along with it.
I've come across a number of couples that have faced similar challenges. It may even be different faith. I am raised a Catholic and my husband is raised Assembly of God. I have always believed in God and what he has done for me in my life but there was something in the Catholic Christian faith I did not quite understand. I remember challenging my teacher/priest about a few things but wasn't quite satisfied with the answer I was given. So I guess at that point there was a seed already planted in my heart to find what it really means to live for Christ. Then I met my husband and before we even started going out, we were in the early stages of getting to know each other and he said to me, "Do you know whether you are going to make it to Heaven?". Now for someone who felt that her faith was strong though her life reflected slightly otherwise, I was deeply offended and responded quite negatively. But that question never really left my heart. Dan and I dated for over a year before we married and we talked thoroughly about our faith and how we would raise our children. We believe that it is important to talk about this and other things before you get married because you don't want to find out afterwards that your perspectives are different as these couples on the Dr Phil show realised. On October 29th 2000 I accepted Jesus as my Saviour and on October 30th, 2000 Dan and I were an official couple. :) Long before we had children we agreed on how we would raise our children in the faith and so far we have seen the fruits of our labour.
I had hoped tonight that I would have an early night but after having an awesome meal that my aunty made for us but more so for Dan's birthday I'm finding it hard to nod off.
Before I sign off perhaps this is something for you to think about too....
"Do you know whether you are going to make it to Heaven?"
Monday, July 12, 2010
Day 49 - Am I seeing things???
I woke last night to an image of a woman in my room. She was standing over my bed with something in her hand that looked like a basket. She walked over to my side of the bed and then I screamed and called out for Dan I started kicking the woman away from me. I sat up and started crying. I wasn't dreaming....it took me a while to settle down and eventually fall back to sleep with the lights on.
About 12 hours earlier, while catching up with my friend we talked about one of the side effects of the medication that we were taking, one of them being hallucinations. I had noticed over the past week some black blurry images on the corner of my eye but last night was something of a nightmare. It didn't feel positive that's for sure. Back to present day I raised possible side effects with my nurse and was told to bring this up with the doctors. Because the medication I am on is morphine based and is a high dosage it's worth talking about.
On a more positive note....
My day today has been okay. I feel a little clearer about things. I can see that Dan's patience is starting to wear a little thin and of course it would. It's not easy for a husband/father to take on the mother role as well. Though I appreciate that this is an opportunity for Dan to understand what things are like for me as the mother/wife of our family, I know how pushed outside of his limits he feels right now. This is a season for both me and Dan to learn more about patience. Patience with each other. Which we can never get enough practice of I think.
I'm feeling mentally ready to start my school work. Semester 2 starts today. My body has been okay it's starting to hurt a little which has been a very long time since it felt as though the pain relief has worn off. Before I fell sick I was starting to take good care of myself having lost 8kgs since the start of the year. Exercising and eating well. I've been out of it since the end of May. My cross-trainer is staring me in the face but I can't use it and run the risk of doing something worse with my back. This week I'll start with water. I have been drinking juice so much from visitors bringing me bottles of juice I've just gotten use to it. I've been reading comments about a relative of mine completing another 12 week biggest loser challenge. She has done so well. To even consider another 12 week challenge is crazy but it's so motivating. To be around a group of motivated family and friends who support each other to finish the challenge is great. I have a goal to get down to a healthy size by the time I graduate which I am hoping to be May next year. That will be 7 or 8 years of study! Yes it is a long-time but visualising myself walking down the aisle and seeing big smiles on the faces of my family will be worth it.
I just got a call from my aunty while writing this blog. She is so great. Because I got my wires crossed as to which week my other brother is coming down. She is going to look into coming down tomorrow. What a blessing!!!
Tonight Dan and I will spend some quality time together to talk about ourselves and not this illness. I think it is important for a married couple to get in touch with each other about how things are going when going through something as serious as this for the period of time we are going through this illness. I look forward to spending some time with him tonight.
It's a short message today because I am tired and need to catch up on some sleep.
So early night tonight.
I hope you have all had a good day today, this is me signing out....
About 12 hours earlier, while catching up with my friend we talked about one of the side effects of the medication that we were taking, one of them being hallucinations. I had noticed over the past week some black blurry images on the corner of my eye but last night was something of a nightmare. It didn't feel positive that's for sure. Back to present day I raised possible side effects with my nurse and was told to bring this up with the doctors. Because the medication I am on is morphine based and is a high dosage it's worth talking about.
On a more positive note....
My day today has been okay. I feel a little clearer about things. I can see that Dan's patience is starting to wear a little thin and of course it would. It's not easy for a husband/father to take on the mother role as well. Though I appreciate that this is an opportunity for Dan to understand what things are like for me as the mother/wife of our family, I know how pushed outside of his limits he feels right now. This is a season for both me and Dan to learn more about patience. Patience with each other. Which we can never get enough practice of I think.
I'm feeling mentally ready to start my school work. Semester 2 starts today. My body has been okay it's starting to hurt a little which has been a very long time since it felt as though the pain relief has worn off. Before I fell sick I was starting to take good care of myself having lost 8kgs since the start of the year. Exercising and eating well. I've been out of it since the end of May. My cross-trainer is staring me in the face but I can't use it and run the risk of doing something worse with my back. This week I'll start with water. I have been drinking juice so much from visitors bringing me bottles of juice I've just gotten use to it. I've been reading comments about a relative of mine completing another 12 week biggest loser challenge. She has done so well. To even consider another 12 week challenge is crazy but it's so motivating. To be around a group of motivated family and friends who support each other to finish the challenge is great. I have a goal to get down to a healthy size by the time I graduate which I am hoping to be May next year. That will be 7 or 8 years of study! Yes it is a long-time but visualising myself walking down the aisle and seeing big smiles on the faces of my family will be worth it.
I just got a call from my aunty while writing this blog. She is so great. Because I got my wires crossed as to which week my other brother is coming down. She is going to look into coming down tomorrow. What a blessing!!!
Tonight Dan and I will spend some quality time together to talk about ourselves and not this illness. I think it is important for a married couple to get in touch with each other about how things are going when going through something as serious as this for the period of time we are going through this illness. I look forward to spending some time with him tonight.
It's a short message today because I am tired and need to catch up on some sleep.
So early night tonight.
I hope you have all had a good day today, this is me signing out....
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Day 48 - I made it back into His house!...
The highlight of my day today came at around 4ish when I had awoken from a very deep nap for 3 hours. My sister-in-law had just called me to check if I was up to coming along to evening service. At the time I said no I didn't feel up to it, and then my eyes wouldn't close again. I lay in bed thinking about whether or not I should go. I did want to go to service because I missed the fellowship. I heard that everything is going really well in our congregation. Dan has been returning home lately feeling like he's on a real high because of how great the services have been. Now for a minute I allowed a stupid thought come into my head "maybe services are going well because I'm not there!" but my spirit is better than that and I knew that our congregation is where it should be so it is definitely NOT because I am not there. :) So lying in bed I thought well I'll get dressed anyway and if I'm feeling good about what I'm wearing and feel comfortable and warm then I'll go.
So I did. Got dressed. Called Del to pick me up and off I was heading to church. It has been over a month since I was last at church. Walking into service was great. Now to be honest the church wasn't pumping or anything but I felt at peace to walk back into my Father's house. I was really cold so I was glad that I wore so many layers. It was nice to sit in the usual spot that me and my family sit in. My girls were happy to see me at church as was everyone in my congregation. Tonight we had a combined service with other like churches in my region to listen to a speaker from out of town. I listened to a number of youth items. One was a remake of "Hold On" by Sounds of Blackness. A nice old school song helped me to relax and think about the message...."Hold On, Change is coming, Hold On, Everything's gonna be alright, Hold on, You can make it".
The message tonight was simple, found in Exodus 13: 17 - 18. I related this message to what I'm going through and basically it was telling me that there are always short-cuts. But short-cuts may lead you into a battlefield that you may lose and that may take you back to the place you are trying to leave. But when you have faith and take the long route you will find yourself reaching your destination wiser and stronger. A simple message that encouraged me to believe that though the path I am going down is long it will be worth it!!
I caught up with a lot of people I hadn't seen in a while. One good friend had gone through quite an ordeal herself. Amazing tower of strength she is. We talked about going through similar things in our treatment. It was nice to share with someone who understood. She looks great and I am glad that she is in the last stages of her treatment.
It was great to see everyone especially those in my congregation because I know they have been praying very hard for me and family. It was hard for me to give them an answer that they were not expecting to hear. They ask me how I am and instead of saying "I'm great thanks", I tell them "Um, I'm still the same and it will be some time before I come right" and then I see their faces drop. I felt for them because ...what can you say to someone who is ill and you don't quite understand it and you cannot do much to help them. But what is helping me is knowing that they are praying for me. Prayer is a powerful thing and I am definitely feeling their prayers covering me and my family. This burden is definitely shared among everyone that is praying for me and helping me and my family. That is one of the greatest things about this experience. I do not feel entirely alone on this journey.
Today I am happy that I made it back into my Father's house and Tomorrow I will start to make it back to His house again.
I have stayed home with this illness for nearly 6 weeks and though my blog may give you the perception of someone with huge faith making it on her own at home, my faith still needs to be guided by my church. Just like everything else in life, we can learn to do things for ourselves but there will come a day when you will need some help. If you are someone who has been thinking about attending a church, why not look for one that will suit you and your family. Start with looking at local churches or talk to others that you know who attend a church. Give it a go....
God bless
So I did. Got dressed. Called Del to pick me up and off I was heading to church. It has been over a month since I was last at church. Walking into service was great. Now to be honest the church wasn't pumping or anything but I felt at peace to walk back into my Father's house. I was really cold so I was glad that I wore so many layers. It was nice to sit in the usual spot that me and my family sit in. My girls were happy to see me at church as was everyone in my congregation. Tonight we had a combined service with other like churches in my region to listen to a speaker from out of town. I listened to a number of youth items. One was a remake of "Hold On" by Sounds of Blackness. A nice old school song helped me to relax and think about the message...."Hold On, Change is coming, Hold On, Everything's gonna be alright, Hold on, You can make it".
The message tonight was simple, found in Exodus 13: 17 - 18. I related this message to what I'm going through and basically it was telling me that there are always short-cuts. But short-cuts may lead you into a battlefield that you may lose and that may take you back to the place you are trying to leave. But when you have faith and take the long route you will find yourself reaching your destination wiser and stronger. A simple message that encouraged me to believe that though the path I am going down is long it will be worth it!!
I caught up with a lot of people I hadn't seen in a while. One good friend had gone through quite an ordeal herself. Amazing tower of strength she is. We talked about going through similar things in our treatment. It was nice to share with someone who understood. She looks great and I am glad that she is in the last stages of her treatment.
It was great to see everyone especially those in my congregation because I know they have been praying very hard for me and family. It was hard for me to give them an answer that they were not expecting to hear. They ask me how I am and instead of saying "I'm great thanks", I tell them "Um, I'm still the same and it will be some time before I come right" and then I see their faces drop. I felt for them because ...what can you say to someone who is ill and you don't quite understand it and you cannot do much to help them. But what is helping me is knowing that they are praying for me. Prayer is a powerful thing and I am definitely feeling their prayers covering me and my family. This burden is definitely shared among everyone that is praying for me and helping me and my family. That is one of the greatest things about this experience. I do not feel entirely alone on this journey.
Today I am happy that I made it back into my Father's house and Tomorrow I will start to make it back to His house again.
I have stayed home with this illness for nearly 6 weeks and though my blog may give you the perception of someone with huge faith making it on her own at home, my faith still needs to be guided by my church. Just like everything else in life, we can learn to do things for ourselves but there will come a day when you will need some help. If you are someone who has been thinking about attending a church, why not look for one that will suit you and your family. Start with looking at local churches or talk to others that you know who attend a church. Give it a go....
God bless
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Day 47 - Watching our behaviour...
Managed to sleep in until my nurse was due to arrive. I've taken my daily morning dose of pills (7 pills) and now I am very very drowsy and just want to go back to bed. My darling husband has prepared breakfast for me, toast, eggs and hot chocolate.
The nurse arrived and went through the daily check. Once again my blood pressure is low so I need to increase my fluids. I used to drink more than 2L a day and now struggle to drink 1L. Another 24 hours with my infused medication. Same routine tomorrow.
My sister-in-law dropped my girls off home not long after my appointment. We decided to head out to the mall to buy a few things for my niece and nephew heading down next week. Before leaving my youngest and I talked about their night with their aunty and uncle. She started to talk about how she and her sister misbehaved. I called Bethany into the room to get her side of the story. It's always difficult to work out whether the whole story is being told. So the art of questioning is something that will come with practice. After further interrogation we found out what had happened. After a few more questions, tilted heads from my girls, hands on hips from myself and raised eyebrows, Dan and I decided that they would not stay with their aunties and uncles for a while until they can prove to us that they can behave. Does this seem harsh? our girls seem to take it well. Our girls generally are well behaved and of course our family will say that they were good when they probably weren't in some situations. I can understand, that nobody wants to play the 'snitch' and admit to saying "Yeah your kids were really naughty!" however, I'd prefer that we were just told the truth. I mean, how can we as parents teach our children about our expected behaviours when they begin to develop perceptions that mummy and daddy don't have to know about how they have misbehaved at their cousins place and can get away with it. This perception can lead onto other things and giving them the confidence to try hiding other things behind mummy and daddy's back. After telling both girls that we will let them know when they can stay at their cousin's place again, we thanked them for being honest with us and encouraged them to continue telling us the truth. I think it is important to acknowledge the good things that your children have done even if their behaviour has been bad. In this situation Zemira felt comfortable with telling me about how they behaved. She had told me that they apologised to their aunty which was good also. It is very important to me and Dan that our girls are open and that they feel they can talk to us about anything and everything. I think EVERYTHING is just as important. If your child can tell you everything that happens in their day it gives them the attitude of "well why not tell mum and dad?". I pray that this is something that continues on as they grow.
Tonight Dan will be hanging out with his brothers and cousin, which I am glad about. Gives him a break from everything and a change to be with the boys. My girlfriends will be over to be with me and my girls.
I'm feeling really tired. Because we went to the mall I took extra pain relief to make up for the increase in activity today. It's amazing that only a little bit of increased activity can really take a lot out of me. The number of pills I take a day also contributes to my low energy levels.
I hope everyone has enjoyed their day so far....
9.43pm
Tried a number of times to skype my family back in Aux who are having a farewell poker night for my brother at my one of my cousin's place. Sad that I couldn't be there with them and now that my brother is heading overseas it will be a while before we get together again. :(
My girls are both in bed after unsuccessful trying to talk with my cousins on skype. Mira must have snuck away with too many of aunty El's cheese and crackers to keep still during the video call! Bethany got her hair curled by her aunty El and then proceeded to flick her hair without pause during the video call too! Goodness!
I have a couple of my girlfriends here with me while Dan is spending some guy time out with his brother and cousin. I popped in before they headed out and had this huge grin on his face. It was nice to see. I seemed really happy about spending some Dan-time with his boys. Good for him.
I will see tonight out with my girlfriends enjoying a chick flick, some cheese 'n crackers and some good 'ol female companionship.
Hope your night sees you relaxed and ready for a good night's sleep.
The nurse arrived and went through the daily check. Once again my blood pressure is low so I need to increase my fluids. I used to drink more than 2L a day and now struggle to drink 1L. Another 24 hours with my infused medication. Same routine tomorrow.
My sister-in-law dropped my girls off home not long after my appointment. We decided to head out to the mall to buy a few things for my niece and nephew heading down next week. Before leaving my youngest and I talked about their night with their aunty and uncle. She started to talk about how she and her sister misbehaved. I called Bethany into the room to get her side of the story. It's always difficult to work out whether the whole story is being told. So the art of questioning is something that will come with practice. After further interrogation we found out what had happened. After a few more questions, tilted heads from my girls, hands on hips from myself and raised eyebrows, Dan and I decided that they would not stay with their aunties and uncles for a while until they can prove to us that they can behave. Does this seem harsh? our girls seem to take it well. Our girls generally are well behaved and of course our family will say that they were good when they probably weren't in some situations. I can understand, that nobody wants to play the 'snitch' and admit to saying "Yeah your kids were really naughty!" however, I'd prefer that we were just told the truth. I mean, how can we as parents teach our children about our expected behaviours when they begin to develop perceptions that mummy and daddy don't have to know about how they have misbehaved at their cousins place and can get away with it. This perception can lead onto other things and giving them the confidence to try hiding other things behind mummy and daddy's back. After telling both girls that we will let them know when they can stay at their cousin's place again, we thanked them for being honest with us and encouraged them to continue telling us the truth. I think it is important to acknowledge the good things that your children have done even if their behaviour has been bad. In this situation Zemira felt comfortable with telling me about how they behaved. She had told me that they apologised to their aunty which was good also. It is very important to me and Dan that our girls are open and that they feel they can talk to us about anything and everything. I think EVERYTHING is just as important. If your child can tell you everything that happens in their day it gives them the attitude of "well why not tell mum and dad?". I pray that this is something that continues on as they grow.
Tonight Dan will be hanging out with his brothers and cousin, which I am glad about. Gives him a break from everything and a change to be with the boys. My girlfriends will be over to be with me and my girls.
I'm feeling really tired. Because we went to the mall I took extra pain relief to make up for the increase in activity today. It's amazing that only a little bit of increased activity can really take a lot out of me. The number of pills I take a day also contributes to my low energy levels.
I hope everyone has enjoyed their day so far....
9.43pm
Tried a number of times to skype my family back in Aux who are having a farewell poker night for my brother at my one of my cousin's place. Sad that I couldn't be there with them and now that my brother is heading overseas it will be a while before we get together again. :(
My girls are both in bed after unsuccessful trying to talk with my cousins on skype. Mira must have snuck away with too many of aunty El's cheese and crackers to keep still during the video call! Bethany got her hair curled by her aunty El and then proceeded to flick her hair without pause during the video call too! Goodness!
I have a couple of my girlfriends here with me while Dan is spending some guy time out with his brother and cousin. I popped in before they headed out and had this huge grin on his face. It was nice to see. I seemed really happy about spending some Dan-time with his boys. Good for him.
I will see tonight out with my girlfriends enjoying a chick flick, some cheese 'n crackers and some good 'ol female companionship.
Hope your night sees you relaxed and ready for a good night's sleep.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Day 46 - At least the weather is improving... :)
Wellington weather doesn't seem to bad this morning. But then again I haven't stepped outside yet.
I managed to sleep right through the night. Just woke a short while ago. So Mrs Doubtfire returned to her family this morning. Am going to miss her :). Love you Ben. My girls didn't want their uncle to leave. Today it's just me and Mrs Doubtfire's apprentice..Bethany :). I told her that once she got out of bed this morning she is to make the bed and her response was "Yes Mummy. Yes Mummy I will do whatever you want me to do" aha! that's how we like it :) nice prompt clear and submissive responses :).
It was a full-on day for me yesterday and I thank God that my sleep wasn't disturbed by any jolts of pain. Thank you everyone for your prayers. I am just going to rest and relax and later in the afternoon make a start on my studies for this semester.
I was browsing through my library of diaries. Well not really a library more like a singular bookshelf of books :) Most of which are notebooks of sermons I had heard over the years. I came across something I wrote, on 22 January 2004. It says: "Its been a while since I've read my book "Becoming a Woman of Passion". Just read a perspective on Peter walking on the water. How he stayed focused on Jesus, but as soon as he looked at the surging waves he began to sink. We need to take our focus off ourselves and our circumstances and stay focussed on the Lord. 1 Thessalonians 5: 16 - 18 "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." Keep an ongoing conversation with God."
A simple message about staying focussed on Him and you will stay above the surging waters. Nothing complicated about that really. We tend to think that God's Word is complex. But we make it complex. At times I would say to my girls "You make it harder for yourself." And we do the same with God's Word. Why? So it is easier for us not to try? But trying always brings a closer to God. We don't move anywhere when we don't try. A thought for you and me...
Well, Mrs Doubtfire's apprentice just walked into the room with her breakfast, jam toast, milk with a banana flavoured sippah straw and coloured popcorn. :) She is sitting across the table from me eating the breakfast that she made. Amazing how quickly your child can feel they want to be independent by doing things for themselves. Bethany is only 6 years old and she can already do most things for herself. Her sister is quickly following behind her on the independence scale. The joys of parenthood.
Again I came across a few people over the last couple of days who asked me about my illness. Seeing me standing in front of them it appears that there is nothing wrong with me. So you can imagine how difficult it is for me to describe my condition, while standing in front of them looking there is nothing wrong with my body. When this situation happens, Thomas one of Jesus' disciples pops into my head. After Jesus died he reappeared to his disciples and all but one, Thomas, believed that Jesus returned. Thomas declared to the other disciples that only when he touches Jesus' wounds will he believe. Jesus reappeared and told Thomas to touch his wounds. Thomas fell to his knees and believed that Jesus had returned. In this experience I think about how difficult it is for us to describe a God who is very much alive to us but is unseen and convince others how great He is in our lives. I feel a little disheartened when I describe my illness to people and their facial expressions tell me they still don't quite understand. People are that way when we describe our God to them. But the nurses and doctors then reassured me as they did yesterday that there is nothing wrong with me and that I am completely sane. Praise God for the experiences he takes us through to show us that it is not easy but we can pull through and find ways to talk about His goodness.
In sharing my story with you, it helps me to come to terms with my illness and helps me to positively bounce back when I receive messages from you all. My story is to show you that even in your lowest times there is someone greater than us that is looking over you and your family and is waiting for that time to talk with you.
God bless everyone...and I hope you have an awesome day today. Mine is starting out to be a good one!!
p.s. It's my brother and sister-in-law, Junior and Angela's wedding anniversary today. Happy anniversary guys love you greatly!
6.31pm
I'm really tired. Had like a 45 mins nap before my mother-in-law arrived and took Bethany away for a couple of hours so that Bethany can spend some time with her sister at their nana's house.
My girls will once again spend the night at their Uncle Veta's house. I'll miss them tonight. Nothing much more to share tonight. All I feel like doing is hopping back into bed.
I hope that you and your families enjoy the start of your weekend. Be safe and stay warm.
God bless
I managed to sleep right through the night. Just woke a short while ago. So Mrs Doubtfire returned to her family this morning. Am going to miss her :). Love you Ben. My girls didn't want their uncle to leave. Today it's just me and Mrs Doubtfire's apprentice..Bethany :). I told her that once she got out of bed this morning she is to make the bed and her response was "Yes Mummy. Yes Mummy I will do whatever you want me to do" aha! that's how we like it :) nice prompt clear and submissive responses :).
It was a full-on day for me yesterday and I thank God that my sleep wasn't disturbed by any jolts of pain. Thank you everyone for your prayers. I am just going to rest and relax and later in the afternoon make a start on my studies for this semester.
I was browsing through my library of diaries. Well not really a library more like a singular bookshelf of books :) Most of which are notebooks of sermons I had heard over the years. I came across something I wrote, on 22 January 2004. It says: "Its been a while since I've read my book "Becoming a Woman of Passion". Just read a perspective on Peter walking on the water. How he stayed focused on Jesus, but as soon as he looked at the surging waves he began to sink. We need to take our focus off ourselves and our circumstances and stay focussed on the Lord. 1 Thessalonians 5: 16 - 18 "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." Keep an ongoing conversation with God."
A simple message about staying focussed on Him and you will stay above the surging waters. Nothing complicated about that really. We tend to think that God's Word is complex. But we make it complex. At times I would say to my girls "You make it harder for yourself." And we do the same with God's Word. Why? So it is easier for us not to try? But trying always brings a closer to God. We don't move anywhere when we don't try. A thought for you and me...
Well, Mrs Doubtfire's apprentice just walked into the room with her breakfast, jam toast, milk with a banana flavoured sippah straw and coloured popcorn. :) She is sitting across the table from me eating the breakfast that she made. Amazing how quickly your child can feel they want to be independent by doing things for themselves. Bethany is only 6 years old and she can already do most things for herself. Her sister is quickly following behind her on the independence scale. The joys of parenthood.
Again I came across a few people over the last couple of days who asked me about my illness. Seeing me standing in front of them it appears that there is nothing wrong with me. So you can imagine how difficult it is for me to describe my condition, while standing in front of them looking there is nothing wrong with my body. When this situation happens, Thomas one of Jesus' disciples pops into my head. After Jesus died he reappeared to his disciples and all but one, Thomas, believed that Jesus returned. Thomas declared to the other disciples that only when he touches Jesus' wounds will he believe. Jesus reappeared and told Thomas to touch his wounds. Thomas fell to his knees and believed that Jesus had returned. In this experience I think about how difficult it is for us to describe a God who is very much alive to us but is unseen and convince others how great He is in our lives. I feel a little disheartened when I describe my illness to people and their facial expressions tell me they still don't quite understand. People are that way when we describe our God to them. But the nurses and doctors then reassured me as they did yesterday that there is nothing wrong with me and that I am completely sane. Praise God for the experiences he takes us through to show us that it is not easy but we can pull through and find ways to talk about His goodness.
In sharing my story with you, it helps me to come to terms with my illness and helps me to positively bounce back when I receive messages from you all. My story is to show you that even in your lowest times there is someone greater than us that is looking over you and your family and is waiting for that time to talk with you.
God bless everyone...and I hope you have an awesome day today. Mine is starting out to be a good one!!
p.s. It's my brother and sister-in-law, Junior and Angela's wedding anniversary today. Happy anniversary guys love you greatly!
6.31pm
I'm really tired. Had like a 45 mins nap before my mother-in-law arrived and took Bethany away for a couple of hours so that Bethany can spend some time with her sister at their nana's house.
My girls will once again spend the night at their Uncle Veta's house. I'll miss them tonight. Nothing much more to share tonight. All I feel like doing is hopping back into bed.
I hope that you and your families enjoy the start of your weekend. Be safe and stay warm.
God bless
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Day 45 - Results.....
I'm feeling good this morning. Woke up to find my girls were already dressed and its 8.30am! Lately they have just been getting up. It's great having a relative visiting because it gets my girls excited they want to get up straight away :). I'm about to get ready for my appointment later this morning.
Of course I will blog later today to share whatever news God wants me to hear today.
God bless everyone!
5.02pm
Well I feel like I can do somersaults and flips because of all the pain relief I have taken to be able to do more activity than the usual resting at home. I am dreading going to be tonight because that is when the pain hits me most...when I am at rest.
This morning, Ben (my brother) and I dropped Mira to school and Nia to her holiday school programme (Kids on F.O.O.T - awesome programme!). We went to the mall to hang out for a bit until my appointment. We had breakfast at a cafe and just talked about life, pastimes and family. I'm going to miss Ben very much :( The whole time we were walking around the mall I was very aware of how my body was feeling so had packed enough pain relief into my bag to last me through the day.
So we went to my doctor's appointment. I asked Ben if he could come in with me. I was happy that he said yes. The doctor showed me the recent scan and compared it to one I had two weeks ago. It was amazing to see how defined the infection was. There was no doubt about it, there was definitely a bump in my spine. It was on the verge of pushing onto my spinal cord. I was amazed at how huge it was. As we could see there was no change compared to the previous scan. I didn't know what to say. I was neither happy nor sad about it. Speechless actually. I tried to hold back the tears because I was beginning to think "you mean to say that after two weeks of medication, the infection hasn't reduced in size?". Before I could let any more unsettling thoughts enter my mind I quickly changed the subject to "what next?". The doctor said that what I had was rare and they have two cases in the hospital at the moment and they couldn't work out where its come from. The doctor reassured me that things are okay because it is static and that I needed to schedule another scan/appointment in a couple of weeks. More appointments. *sigh*.
I was then taken to another room to have my bloods taken for further investigation. Waiting alone in the room with my brother I began to cry. I just felt that surely, by now something should be working. I had conflicting thoughts begin to form in my mind about doubt and faith. A quiet voice was saying "Have faith. Have faith". And then Ben thoughtfully reassured me that the positive thing about this was that it was not growing. Yes, I should be grateful, I should give God all the glory that this infection has not worsened. That quickly snapped the doubt out of my mind! With every excuse I almost confirmed with my mouth I quickly replaced it with a "No, I am happy the result. I happy it was not bad news". So with that I will carry on, I will persevere until there is a change that will see things improve! I have accepted the result and I will pick up my torch and carry on with the race!
My nurse came into the room to change my antibiotics. She also reminded me that I am not going crazy. I am not making it up. I am normal. And she is right. I wrote earlier about beginning to think that I was making this all up. But I am not. I am not going to go down thinking this is all in my mind. Through this illness my spirit has renewed, my mind has followed and body will too!
So there it is, I am going to continue with the same medication and let the doctors and nurses know of any new sensation that I feel. With your prayers and support I will carry on! Thank you so much for your love!
The rest of the day I spent with my brother. Shopping for a few things that I needed. We almost caught a movie but couldn't bring ourselves to stand in the queue with all the excited tweenies and their parents waiting to see Twilight. My thought was that it was amazing that I hadn't been out for the past nearly 6 weeks so I took advantage of the opportunity all the while regularly taking pain relief to keep the pain at bay . I had a wonderful time just talking with my brother about a lot of things. We picked up my girls and came home and now we are just relaxing until the man of the house returns from work. Tonight is my brother's last night with us before he heads home to his beautiful family. My girl's have enjoyed spending time with their Uncle Ben. We will never forget this trip! Love you Ben, Linder and Lijah.
My Prayer
Thank you God for giving Ben the opportunity to come down and help us. I ask that you bless his family abundantly for sacrifice their time, love and support to help me and my family. I ask that you bless all my friends and family for their prayers, for their kind thoughts, for the support. May you hear their prayers and bless them with all that you believe to be the best for their family and their situation. I thank dear Lord for today's results. It was not what I was expecting but then only you know what is right for me. I put my trust in you dear Lord and there is nothing that will stop me from seeking you in every situation in my life. Forgive Father for your goodness that I cannot see nor hear I pray that my spirit may open further to accept the path that you have prepared for me. I pray that this blog dear Lord continues to touch every person who lays their eyes on these words. May these words touch them in a way that will open their hearts to receiving what is right for them and their families. This is all to glorify you my Father because I am nothing without you!
In Jesus name
Amen!
Of course I will blog later today to share whatever news God wants me to hear today.
God bless everyone!
5.02pm
Well I feel like I can do somersaults and flips because of all the pain relief I have taken to be able to do more activity than the usual resting at home. I am dreading going to be tonight because that is when the pain hits me most...when I am at rest.
This morning, Ben (my brother) and I dropped Mira to school and Nia to her holiday school programme (Kids on F.O.O.T - awesome programme!). We went to the mall to hang out for a bit until my appointment. We had breakfast at a cafe and just talked about life, pastimes and family. I'm going to miss Ben very much :( The whole time we were walking around the mall I was very aware of how my body was feeling so had packed enough pain relief into my bag to last me through the day.
So we went to my doctor's appointment. I asked Ben if he could come in with me. I was happy that he said yes. The doctor showed me the recent scan and compared it to one I had two weeks ago. It was amazing to see how defined the infection was. There was no doubt about it, there was definitely a bump in my spine. It was on the verge of pushing onto my spinal cord. I was amazed at how huge it was. As we could see there was no change compared to the previous scan. I didn't know what to say. I was neither happy nor sad about it. Speechless actually. I tried to hold back the tears because I was beginning to think "you mean to say that after two weeks of medication, the infection hasn't reduced in size?". Before I could let any more unsettling thoughts enter my mind I quickly changed the subject to "what next?". The doctor said that what I had was rare and they have two cases in the hospital at the moment and they couldn't work out where its come from. The doctor reassured me that things are okay because it is static and that I needed to schedule another scan/appointment in a couple of weeks. More appointments. *sigh*.
I was then taken to another room to have my bloods taken for further investigation. Waiting alone in the room with my brother I began to cry. I just felt that surely, by now something should be working. I had conflicting thoughts begin to form in my mind about doubt and faith. A quiet voice was saying "Have faith. Have faith". And then Ben thoughtfully reassured me that the positive thing about this was that it was not growing. Yes, I should be grateful, I should give God all the glory that this infection has not worsened. That quickly snapped the doubt out of my mind! With every excuse I almost confirmed with my mouth I quickly replaced it with a "No, I am happy the result. I happy it was not bad news". So with that I will carry on, I will persevere until there is a change that will see things improve! I have accepted the result and I will pick up my torch and carry on with the race!
My nurse came into the room to change my antibiotics. She also reminded me that I am not going crazy. I am not making it up. I am normal. And she is right. I wrote earlier about beginning to think that I was making this all up. But I am not. I am not going to go down thinking this is all in my mind. Through this illness my spirit has renewed, my mind has followed and body will too!
So there it is, I am going to continue with the same medication and let the doctors and nurses know of any new sensation that I feel. With your prayers and support I will carry on! Thank you so much for your love!
The rest of the day I spent with my brother. Shopping for a few things that I needed. We almost caught a movie but couldn't bring ourselves to stand in the queue with all the excited tweenies and their parents waiting to see Twilight. My thought was that it was amazing that I hadn't been out for the past nearly 6 weeks so I took advantage of the opportunity all the while regularly taking pain relief to keep the pain at bay . I had a wonderful time just talking with my brother about a lot of things. We picked up my girls and came home and now we are just relaxing until the man of the house returns from work. Tonight is my brother's last night with us before he heads home to his beautiful family. My girl's have enjoyed spending time with their Uncle Ben. We will never forget this trip! Love you Ben, Linder and Lijah.
My Prayer
Thank you God for giving Ben the opportunity to come down and help us. I ask that you bless his family abundantly for sacrifice their time, love and support to help me and my family. I ask that you bless all my friends and family for their prayers, for their kind thoughts, for the support. May you hear their prayers and bless them with all that you believe to be the best for their family and their situation. I thank dear Lord for today's results. It was not what I was expecting but then only you know what is right for me. I put my trust in you dear Lord and there is nothing that will stop me from seeking you in every situation in my life. Forgive Father for your goodness that I cannot see nor hear I pray that my spirit may open further to accept the path that you have prepared for me. I pray that this blog dear Lord continues to touch every person who lays their eyes on these words. May these words touch them in a way that will open their hearts to receiving what is right for them and their families. This is all to glorify you my Father because I am nothing without you!
In Jesus name
Amen!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Day 44 - Mrs Doubtfire is in town!
I woke this morning feeling the pain in my back. I tried to handle it as much as I could 'til I was due my next dosage. I could hear my brother cleaning the house. I organised for the girls to be dropped off home so that my brother could spend some time with them. I started to get a little emotional which amplified the pain I was feeling. It took me a while to calm down before I could even talk. By the time the nurse arrived I was breathing sharply and pacing around to distract me from the pain.
My nurse was concerned that perhaps the pain relief was not working for the length of time I have been on this medication. There was the possibility that I may need to go back into the hospital. With my brother being here I don't really want to go in. I managed to calm down. My checks were okay.
My girls are having a lot of fun with their uncle. They're outside at the moment cleaning our driveway :). My manager just called. It's such a blessing that I have someone who is understanding and patient as my manager. Again I am blessed in my workplace.
As I do I'm feeling really tired now (after taking my dosage). I can't believe it is almost 1pm. The time is flown by quickly. Having had all this time off I'm losing track of the days in a week. It's Wednesday today. Wow my brother and my girls are heading back into the house. His cleaning of the driveway only took 10 mins. Goodness!.
I'm trying not to think about my appointment tomorrow and just leaving it to God. For now I'll just enjoy listening to the joyful laughter my brother is making with my girls.
I hope you are all having a great day today.
God bless
6.01pm
I've just woken from my nap and found my girls having snacks in the lounge, my brother sitting next to two loads of washing he has folded. Wow! Mrs Doubtfire alright :) I was trying to figure out what to title this blog this morning until my other brother Junior texted asking me how Mrs Doubtfire is doing :).
Since this morning my youngest brother Ben has been absolutely awesome! He has:
- cleaned the house
- washed the dishes
- made breakfast for me and my girls
- taken all the washing to the laundromat (because we have the smallest washing machine and it would've taken days to get through)
- done the shopping
- taken the girls to the library
- looked after our girls the whole day.
Awesome! I feel really blessed! Ha! there's the five love languages coming out! I feel loved because my brother has done these chores showing me he loves me. Oh goodness. Dan has just arrived home from work and feels really cold. Now can my brother put the icing on the cake and make us some dinner? :) we shall see.
Just got a call from a dear aunty of mine, checking in on me. Some of you who live a part from your family understand that it is difficult to make it on your own. But at times like chronic illnesses and more positively special occasions you sometimes wish your own family were with you also.
I made the decision ten years ago to move away from my family and start my own family in a different city. Every special occasion that comes around brings both joy and sadness for me because it reminds me that my family are not here to celebrate with us. It is very hard as I am sure most of you realise. Dan's family have been awesome and I am so blessed to be married into a family that treats me as one of their own! I have very blessed to have the relationship that I do with my parent-in-laws. But on most days I really miss my parents. I really miss my brothers. I really miss my extended family. The dollar can only stretch so far nowadays.
Each time I go back home I feel like I need to catch up on the time that was lost since I was last there. Despite the circumstances I am glad that my family will make it down to be with me and my family.
Tonight, me and my family will sit and enjoy Mrs Doubtfire's corned beef, noodles, veges and rice and talk about our day. I hope you will and have found the time to enjoy a meal together as a family.
Take care
My nurse was concerned that perhaps the pain relief was not working for the length of time I have been on this medication. There was the possibility that I may need to go back into the hospital. With my brother being here I don't really want to go in. I managed to calm down. My checks were okay.
My girls are having a lot of fun with their uncle. They're outside at the moment cleaning our driveway :). My manager just called. It's such a blessing that I have someone who is understanding and patient as my manager. Again I am blessed in my workplace.
As I do I'm feeling really tired now (after taking my dosage). I can't believe it is almost 1pm. The time is flown by quickly. Having had all this time off I'm losing track of the days in a week. It's Wednesday today. Wow my brother and my girls are heading back into the house. His cleaning of the driveway only took 10 mins. Goodness!.
I'm trying not to think about my appointment tomorrow and just leaving it to God. For now I'll just enjoy listening to the joyful laughter my brother is making with my girls.
I hope you are all having a great day today.
God bless
6.01pm
I've just woken from my nap and found my girls having snacks in the lounge, my brother sitting next to two loads of washing he has folded. Wow! Mrs Doubtfire alright :) I was trying to figure out what to title this blog this morning until my other brother Junior texted asking me how Mrs Doubtfire is doing :).
Since this morning my youngest brother Ben has been absolutely awesome! He has:
- cleaned the house
- washed the dishes
- made breakfast for me and my girls
- taken all the washing to the laundromat (because we have the smallest washing machine and it would've taken days to get through)
- done the shopping
- taken the girls to the library
- looked after our girls the whole day.
Awesome! I feel really blessed! Ha! there's the five love languages coming out! I feel loved because my brother has done these chores showing me he loves me. Oh goodness. Dan has just arrived home from work and feels really cold. Now can my brother put the icing on the cake and make us some dinner? :) we shall see.
Just got a call from a dear aunty of mine, checking in on me. Some of you who live a part from your family understand that it is difficult to make it on your own. But at times like chronic illnesses and more positively special occasions you sometimes wish your own family were with you also.
I made the decision ten years ago to move away from my family and start my own family in a different city. Every special occasion that comes around brings both joy and sadness for me because it reminds me that my family are not here to celebrate with us. It is very hard as I am sure most of you realise. Dan's family have been awesome and I am so blessed to be married into a family that treats me as one of their own! I have very blessed to have the relationship that I do with my parent-in-laws. But on most days I really miss my parents. I really miss my brothers. I really miss my extended family. The dollar can only stretch so far nowadays.
Each time I go back home I feel like I need to catch up on the time that was lost since I was last there. Despite the circumstances I am glad that my family will make it down to be with me and my family.
Tonight, me and my family will sit and enjoy Mrs Doubtfire's corned beef, noodles, veges and rice and talk about our day. I hope you will and have found the time to enjoy a meal together as a family.
Take care
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Day 43 - Scan #3
I wasn't feeling too great last night before I hopped into bed. Luckily that quickly changed once my body warmed up. I thought I was going to be hit with the fever again. I took some panadol this morning because my back started to throb and then fell back to sleep.
My sister-in-law will be over soon to take me to my appointment. MRI scan #3. This scan will indicate whether or not the medication is working. I'm a little nervous but I'm okay. Just tired. My back is throbbing at the moment. In reference to my pain the nurses/doctors always ask me on a scale from 0 to 10, 0 being no pain, and 10 being extreme what do you rate your pain right. At this moment I'm about a 1 - 2. In the first four weeks of my illness the pain was hovering around 9 - 10. I am not due my medication until 10am.
My scan is at 12pm. Last time I waited until 1.30pm to have and didn't leave until 3pm all the while having a really bad headache and feeling nauseous. I really don't want to be that sick again while waiting.
Thank you everyone for all your kind words, support, encouragement, love and being with me on this journey. It really is encouraging to me and I hope that you continue to be this supportive with others as you have doing for me.
Here is my prayer for this morning...
"Dear Lord,
I thank you for your love and your protection over me. I worship you because you are a big God. You created me in my mothers womb. You know me completely. You know every single nerve, muscle, bone in my body. I ask Father God that today your Holy Spirit be with me while I take my MRI scan. I ask for peace so that I don't freak out while I'm in the scanner. I ask that your healing hand is placed on the very part that is causing me pain. I am tired of being ill. This is going on too long. I ask that you take this cup away from me and Heal me so that I can serve you fully and be the wife, the mother, the sister and daughter that I believe that I was born to be! I give you all the power dear God, I no longer will try to take control and do things my way. Whatever is your will dear Father I will accept with a humble heart because you have blessed me with so much in my life, far beyond what I could ever comprehend and there is nothing in my life that has made me doubt you! I praise you Almighty Father God, and to Jesus for being the example of humbleness and accepting your Father's calling in your life. Holy Spirit my friend I know that you will be with me today as you have always been. Thank you.
I worship you and give you all the praise and the glory.
Through your son Jesus Christ my Saviour
Amen
8.49pm
I survived yet another scan. Thankfully it ended before the closed space became too much. I tried to force myself to sleep during the process but as my body relaxed it would rub against the walls of the scanner and then I would quickly try to fall asleep again. If you have never experienced going through an MRI scan before let me tell you what it is like. First you complete a questionnaire about previous surgeries involving metal plates etc. You are then asked to undress and wear a hospital gown. The scanner is magnetic hence the reason to remove any metal objects from your body. You then lay on a narrow bed. Your head is strapped to the bed to ensure stability during the process. They place a cloth or blanket over you so that your skin does not rub against the walls of the scanner. They give you a buzzer in case you feel uncomfortable and want to come out. They place head phones over your ears and play music of your choice. It gets very noisy inside so it helps to choose the right music to distract you from the noise. The bed is then raised and then reversed back into the scanner where a small opening filled with light welcomes you into space. You are then left alone in the room. For the next 40 mins, light and loud noises will be heard as the scanner takes a picture of whatever part of your body is under investigation. You will feel a light breeze because it gets quite hot inside the scanner, as if you are sitting in a room wearing 5 layers and the heaters are on. You will feel the walls rub against your skin as you lay within the scanner. If you can imagine as a young child playing hide-and-seek with your siblings and you found the smallest place you could hide and you squeeze your tiny body into that place and wait. That is what it feels like to be in the scanner. It took a lot for me not lose it, as I'm not very good in small places. Obviously if you are claustrophobic, this is not for you. So you can imagine my relief when they brought me out.
The results of this scan will tell me whether or not the medication is working. My appointment is set for Thursday. My youngest brother has arrived and it pleases me that he is here as it will when the rest of my family arrive over the coming weeks. So he will be with me at my appointment.
So today has been a good day for me. I received a beautiful gift yesterday, a book called "Rain on Me". A devotional book to encourage me through this hard time. I open the book to the first chapter, Day One "It's Okay to Not Be Okay", and immediately I smile because yesterday I felt that I was not sick at all and I need to snap out of it and get on with things. The chapter talks about feeling alone and not realising that there are others but through my illness so many of you have shared kind words with me and have shared some of your own experiences with me. I realise that in your sharing that I am not alone in this you are all with me as God is with me in this journey.
My sister-in-law will be over soon to take me to my appointment. MRI scan #3. This scan will indicate whether or not the medication is working. I'm a little nervous but I'm okay. Just tired. My back is throbbing at the moment. In reference to my pain the nurses/doctors always ask me on a scale from 0 to 10, 0 being no pain, and 10 being extreme what do you rate your pain right. At this moment I'm about a 1 - 2. In the first four weeks of my illness the pain was hovering around 9 - 10. I am not due my medication until 10am.
My scan is at 12pm. Last time I waited until 1.30pm to have and didn't leave until 3pm all the while having a really bad headache and feeling nauseous. I really don't want to be that sick again while waiting.
Thank you everyone for all your kind words, support, encouragement, love and being with me on this journey. It really is encouraging to me and I hope that you continue to be this supportive with others as you have doing for me.
Here is my prayer for this morning...
"Dear Lord,
I thank you for your love and your protection over me. I worship you because you are a big God. You created me in my mothers womb. You know me completely. You know every single nerve, muscle, bone in my body. I ask Father God that today your Holy Spirit be with me while I take my MRI scan. I ask for peace so that I don't freak out while I'm in the scanner. I ask that your healing hand is placed on the very part that is causing me pain. I am tired of being ill. This is going on too long. I ask that you take this cup away from me and Heal me so that I can serve you fully and be the wife, the mother, the sister and daughter that I believe that I was born to be! I give you all the power dear God, I no longer will try to take control and do things my way. Whatever is your will dear Father I will accept with a humble heart because you have blessed me with so much in my life, far beyond what I could ever comprehend and there is nothing in my life that has made me doubt you! I praise you Almighty Father God, and to Jesus for being the example of humbleness and accepting your Father's calling in your life. Holy Spirit my friend I know that you will be with me today as you have always been. Thank you.
I worship you and give you all the praise and the glory.
Through your son Jesus Christ my Saviour
Amen
8.49pm
I survived yet another scan. Thankfully it ended before the closed space became too much. I tried to force myself to sleep during the process but as my body relaxed it would rub against the walls of the scanner and then I would quickly try to fall asleep again. If you have never experienced going through an MRI scan before let me tell you what it is like. First you complete a questionnaire about previous surgeries involving metal plates etc. You are then asked to undress and wear a hospital gown. The scanner is magnetic hence the reason to remove any metal objects from your body. You then lay on a narrow bed. Your head is strapped to the bed to ensure stability during the process. They place a cloth or blanket over you so that your skin does not rub against the walls of the scanner. They give you a buzzer in case you feel uncomfortable and want to come out. They place head phones over your ears and play music of your choice. It gets very noisy inside so it helps to choose the right music to distract you from the noise. The bed is then raised and then reversed back into the scanner where a small opening filled with light welcomes you into space. You are then left alone in the room. For the next 40 mins, light and loud noises will be heard as the scanner takes a picture of whatever part of your body is under investigation. You will feel a light breeze because it gets quite hot inside the scanner, as if you are sitting in a room wearing 5 layers and the heaters are on. You will feel the walls rub against your skin as you lay within the scanner. If you can imagine as a young child playing hide-and-seek with your siblings and you found the smallest place you could hide and you squeeze your tiny body into that place and wait. That is what it feels like to be in the scanner. It took a lot for me not lose it, as I'm not very good in small places. Obviously if you are claustrophobic, this is not for you. So you can imagine my relief when they brought me out.
The results of this scan will tell me whether or not the medication is working. My appointment is set for Thursday. My youngest brother has arrived and it pleases me that he is here as it will when the rest of my family arrive over the coming weeks. So he will be with me at my appointment.
So today has been a good day for me. I received a beautiful gift yesterday, a book called "Rain on Me". A devotional book to encourage me through this hard time. I open the book to the first chapter, Day One "It's Okay to Not Be Okay", and immediately I smile because yesterday I felt that I was not sick at all and I need to snap out of it and get on with things. The chapter talks about feeling alone and not realising that there are others but through my illness so many of you have shared kind words with me and have shared some of your own experiences with me. I realise that in your sharing that I am not alone in this you are all with me as God is with me in this journey.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Day 42 cont...- Living and Walking in the Spirit
Something came to mind this afternoon that had me thinking. How am I portraying my illness to people? What do they imagine when they read my words? Am I being true or am I making this illness out to be something like I am on my death bed? I mentioned earlier that I had begun to think that my illness was some kind of phantom pain that I was feeling.
Thoughts of doubt crept into my mind, laughing off the reality that I am really sick and it isn't an illness that will require a special pill for it to disappear overnight. These thoughts settled into my subconscious and brought me to believe that I was strong enough to get Mira's clothes ready for school tomorrow, prepare part of her lunch and prepare dinner for my girls. All the bending and twisting that my nurses warned me about that it would aggravate my back was happening while I was getting things ready. I tried to get as much as I could done before the pain started creep into my back and gradually throb in my chest. I took some pain relief and sat down and started to sob kicking myself for doubting how ill I am and trying to push my body beyond its current abilities. Do I really need to have external wounds to match the description I give people to be believed? If you are like me there are times where I can feel so confident about something and be so sure of myself that when something is said to me from some trusted source then slowly things begin to go out the window and then I push myself to prove that I can still be a SUPERWOMAN!! Argh! It must be that time of the month for me to feel like I've been hit in a number of directions that have a negative impact on my progress mentally and spiritually.
I think I set expectations too high for people only to have them disappoint me. It's like teaching someone to do something and you only half teach them the lesson and then expect them to complete it! I am just setting myself up! It is one of my faults to do this, to set high expectations that is. I'm grateful that I can recognise my faults before any damage can be done. It's just something that I know I have to work on. I hope that you know yourself well enough to recognise your faults.
I received some bad news today (not to do with my illness) that has left me quite emotional. I started to break down and my eldest Bethany walked towards me and was rubbing my back telling me that everything's okay. She then reached for a gift that one of Dan's cousins bought for me. A devotional calendar. And Dan helped her find today's devotional. It says "If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit". Galatians 5:25 Hearing my daughter read that to me and telling me "Mummy if you ever feel sad just grab this and read it" helped to wipe the tears off my face. My sister-in-law Liz (Dan's sister) who I love dearly encouraged me not to let go of the strength I have so far and believe that I am not well but I will get through it. Do not let any doubt come into your mind and enter your heart!. My sister-in-law is 15yo.
Having reflected on these words of encouragement and contemplated on what sparked me to once again step out in Super Woman's ensemble I leave you with this:
God bless
Thoughts of doubt crept into my mind, laughing off the reality that I am really sick and it isn't an illness that will require a special pill for it to disappear overnight. These thoughts settled into my subconscious and brought me to believe that I was strong enough to get Mira's clothes ready for school tomorrow, prepare part of her lunch and prepare dinner for my girls. All the bending and twisting that my nurses warned me about that it would aggravate my back was happening while I was getting things ready. I tried to get as much as I could done before the pain started creep into my back and gradually throb in my chest. I took some pain relief and sat down and started to sob kicking myself for doubting how ill I am and trying to push my body beyond its current abilities. Do I really need to have external wounds to match the description I give people to be believed? If you are like me there are times where I can feel so confident about something and be so sure of myself that when something is said to me from some trusted source then slowly things begin to go out the window and then I push myself to prove that I can still be a SUPERWOMAN!! Argh! It must be that time of the month for me to feel like I've been hit in a number of directions that have a negative impact on my progress mentally and spiritually.
I think I set expectations too high for people only to have them disappoint me. It's like teaching someone to do something and you only half teach them the lesson and then expect them to complete it! I am just setting myself up! It is one of my faults to do this, to set high expectations that is. I'm grateful that I can recognise my faults before any damage can be done. It's just something that I know I have to work on. I hope that you know yourself well enough to recognise your faults.
I received some bad news today (not to do with my illness) that has left me quite emotional. I started to break down and my eldest Bethany walked towards me and was rubbing my back telling me that everything's okay. She then reached for a gift that one of Dan's cousins bought for me. A devotional calendar. And Dan helped her find today's devotional. It says "If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit". Galatians 5:25 Hearing my daughter read that to me and telling me "Mummy if you ever feel sad just grab this and read it" helped to wipe the tears off my face. My sister-in-law Liz (Dan's sister) who I love dearly encouraged me not to let go of the strength I have so far and believe that I am not well but I will get through it. Do not let any doubt come into your mind and enter your heart!. My sister-in-law is 15yo.
Having reflected on these words of encouragement and contemplated on what sparked me to once again step out in Super Woman's ensemble I leave you with this:
There is NO PLACE for Doubt in your heart and your mind
when your heart and mind is filled with LOVE, FAITH AND STRENGTH!
Day 42 - I was feeling good until...
I didn't need any medication through the night which is an improvement and I'm happy about that. Hopefully that will continue. Am almost over taking these pills. Dan reminds me lovingly why I need to take them. Even this morning just the sight of them put me off. At the moment a full glass of juice seems to help down the the white, brown and blue pills.
So I was getting ready for the nurse to arrive and I checked my picc line. I described earlier that the line is used to feed the antibiotics direct into the blood stream at the top of my heart. Somehow, the line was bent causing the antibiotics to be blocked off, meaning that the medication wasn't fed through for 24 hours. I'm really annoyed because like any medication you need to take it consecutively for the meds to be effective. I'll have to wait until the nurse comes and discuss this with her. Darnit! I had a gut feeling last night to check it. I had only checked the bottle but not the line! Always go by your instinct! Here are some shots of my picc line:
I took my pills and prepared breakfast. My nurse arrived. We started with the usual checks. My blood pressure has been low for the past three days which is an indication of dehydration, so I really need to drink alot. I decided to set my phone alarm to drink two glasses of water every hour for 8 hours. That should get the habit going. I used my phone alarm for taking my meds and now when my alarm goes off my youngest Zemira says "Mummy I can hear your phone you need to take your medicine now". :) So cute. With feeling quite sick on Saturday the nurse had to call the consultants at the hospital and thankfully I didn't need to go back in. I have appointments this week for another MRI scan and to meet with the consultants about my progress. I have to be really pedantic and let the nurses know about every feeling that I have but most importantly how my legs feel. Before she leaves the nurse reminds me again to take it easy.
Take it easy *sigh*. I can't believe I sat for 6 hours yesterday on the same couch. I am never one to sit in front of the tv or stay indoors all day. My dad had always told me and my brothers to go outside and play some sport or do something active outdoors. Backyard cricket seemed to always be our favourite pastime. Memories of playing tipiny with my brothers was always so much fun. For some reason we would always laugh at when one of us would smack the ball as far as they could over the fence. But the laughing would stop when we realised we didn't have another ball to play with. That's when the chasing would begin. The last time I played backyard cricket was a couple of years ago when I dared Ben to grab Dad's oranges from his tree and bowl them to me and Smack! orange debris splattered everywhere. The fun lasted for only a short while. Dad started picking up oranges and throwing them at us. :)
I'm looking forward to having my youngest brother Ben spend the rest of the week with us to lend a hand. He will be our designated driver throughout the week. But first task will be to do something about our driveway. I just read through my medical notes and glimpsed over something that I had signed where I would ensure the entrance to my house would be safe for the nurses when they arrive for my appointment. Oops! will get onto that.
My husband told me yesterday that he is asked about how I'm doing by our family and friends and he doesn't know how to answer because he doesn't really know himself. I wish I knew what to say too. I take pain relief which only keeps the pain at bay so you can imagine that if I stop taking the pain relief the pain would come back just the same as before. We would only know if there were any progress with the infection after I have had scans done. One is due tomorrow. So it's difficult for us to tell people about how I am doing. All I can say is that I am in good spirits and am just taking it a day at a time. This blog has helped be stay positive and receiving comments from everyone is definitely distracting me from what's happening with my body. Thank you.
My husband shared with me how he has been feeling. This has made me feel happy that he is sharing how he truly feels, sad that he feels that way, strong and more love for him for having the courage to risk that I would feel worse for him to tell me something. I talked about when a couple finally become one they feel everything that the other feels. It will always be heartbreaking to hear, see or feel what your partner is going through but that is how things are meant to be. When one falls the other is there to pick you up again. That is how we are made. We always try to be strong for each other which most of the time works but other times, to see the emotion is all that we need to feel strong again. I find that at times when I feel down, Dan will try to be strong for me and my girls. I would then plead for him to share with me how he really feels and the moment he lets his guard down and shares, then I begin to feel stronger for him. It's just the way it works and I am thankful that our relationship works that way. It would be very difficult to move on in life if we were both to feel down we would turn elsewhere for a kind of support to lift us up again and in more times than one it is not always good for us if it is to lead us away from positive people/things in our lives.
I also talked about interviews that Oprah had with sexual offenders/ child molesters and just the same as a child feeling neglected by their parents and begins to look for love elsewhere is the same as feeling neglected by your partner. It may not be obvious that your partner would look to someone else for that affection but material things, time with friends, time on network sites etc are just the same. Dan and I try very hard to limit our time on such things and that our time with each other, our girls and family and our own time is more important. We've been married for 8 years now and we have made so many changes and found strategies that work for us. Just as I'm sure you have tried also. Communication is very important and sometimes you would expect the other to read your mind about these things but assumptions never work.
The email from my husband this morning sparked these thoughts/feelings about sharing and communication etc, and I'm glad he did share his with me and the food channel was making me feel nauseous. :)
I'm feeling tired and hungry now...so I'll blog later today. I hope your day is going well so far.
So I was getting ready for the nurse to arrive and I checked my picc line. I described earlier that the line is used to feed the antibiotics direct into the blood stream at the top of my heart. Somehow, the line was bent causing the antibiotics to be blocked off, meaning that the medication wasn't fed through for 24 hours. I'm really annoyed because like any medication you need to take it consecutively for the meds to be effective. I'll have to wait until the nurse comes and discuss this with her. Darnit! I had a gut feeling last night to check it. I had only checked the bottle but not the line! Always go by your instinct! Here are some shots of my picc line:
I took my pills and prepared breakfast. My nurse arrived. We started with the usual checks. My blood pressure has been low for the past three days which is an indication of dehydration, so I really need to drink alot. I decided to set my phone alarm to drink two glasses of water every hour for 8 hours. That should get the habit going. I used my phone alarm for taking my meds and now when my alarm goes off my youngest Zemira says "Mummy I can hear your phone you need to take your medicine now". :) So cute. With feeling quite sick on Saturday the nurse had to call the consultants at the hospital and thankfully I didn't need to go back in. I have appointments this week for another MRI scan and to meet with the consultants about my progress. I have to be really pedantic and let the nurses know about every feeling that I have but most importantly how my legs feel. Before she leaves the nurse reminds me again to take it easy.
Take it easy *sigh*. I can't believe I sat for 6 hours yesterday on the same couch. I am never one to sit in front of the tv or stay indoors all day. My dad had always told me and my brothers to go outside and play some sport or do something active outdoors. Backyard cricket seemed to always be our favourite pastime. Memories of playing tipiny with my brothers was always so much fun. For some reason we would always laugh at when one of us would smack the ball as far as they could over the fence. But the laughing would stop when we realised we didn't have another ball to play with. That's when the chasing would begin. The last time I played backyard cricket was a couple of years ago when I dared Ben to grab Dad's oranges from his tree and bowl them to me and Smack! orange debris splattered everywhere. The fun lasted for only a short while. Dad started picking up oranges and throwing them at us. :)
I'm looking forward to having my youngest brother Ben spend the rest of the week with us to lend a hand. He will be our designated driver throughout the week. But first task will be to do something about our driveway. I just read through my medical notes and glimpsed over something that I had signed where I would ensure the entrance to my house would be safe for the nurses when they arrive for my appointment. Oops! will get onto that.
My husband told me yesterday that he is asked about how I'm doing by our family and friends and he doesn't know how to answer because he doesn't really know himself. I wish I knew what to say too. I take pain relief which only keeps the pain at bay so you can imagine that if I stop taking the pain relief the pain would come back just the same as before. We would only know if there were any progress with the infection after I have had scans done. One is due tomorrow. So it's difficult for us to tell people about how I am doing. All I can say is that I am in good spirits and am just taking it a day at a time. This blog has helped be stay positive and receiving comments from everyone is definitely distracting me from what's happening with my body. Thank you.
My husband shared with me how he has been feeling. This has made me feel happy that he is sharing how he truly feels, sad that he feels that way, strong and more love for him for having the courage to risk that I would feel worse for him to tell me something. I talked about when a couple finally become one they feel everything that the other feels. It will always be heartbreaking to hear, see or feel what your partner is going through but that is how things are meant to be. When one falls the other is there to pick you up again. That is how we are made. We always try to be strong for each other which most of the time works but other times, to see the emotion is all that we need to feel strong again. I find that at times when I feel down, Dan will try to be strong for me and my girls. I would then plead for him to share with me how he really feels and the moment he lets his guard down and shares, then I begin to feel stronger for him. It's just the way it works and I am thankful that our relationship works that way. It would be very difficult to move on in life if we were both to feel down we would turn elsewhere for a kind of support to lift us up again and in more times than one it is not always good for us if it is to lead us away from positive people/things in our lives.
I also talked about interviews that Oprah had with sexual offenders/ child molesters and just the same as a child feeling neglected by their parents and begins to look for love elsewhere is the same as feeling neglected by your partner. It may not be obvious that your partner would look to someone else for that affection but material things, time with friends, time on network sites etc are just the same. Dan and I try very hard to limit our time on such things and that our time with each other, our girls and family and our own time is more important. We've been married for 8 years now and we have made so many changes and found strategies that work for us. Just as I'm sure you have tried also. Communication is very important and sometimes you would expect the other to read your mind about these things but assumptions never work.
The email from my husband this morning sparked these thoughts/feelings about sharing and communication etc, and I'm glad he did share his with me and the food channel was making me feel nauseous. :)
I'm feeling tired and hungry now...so I'll blog later today. I hope your day is going well so far.
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