Monday, October 31, 2011

I KEEP DOING IT TO MYSELF....

Yes I'm kicking myself!!! I weighed myself this morning.  Ahead of this week's weigh-in and ARGH!!!.  I had it coming.  At least I haven't gained it all back. I'm trying not to feel discouraged that this is my week 6 and there has been little progress...but there has been some.  I should focus on that. Right?

So shortly after weighing myself...what does she doooooo....EATS LEFT OVER BUTTER CHICKEN FOR BREAKFAST!!!!! argh!!!...amazing that the whole time I ate I was thinking..."oh well...love me tomorrow"!!!! argh!!!!

Despite the shortfalls in the eating department...I did as I challenged myself.  My girls asked me to go for a walk.  Despite saying no twice...I remembered that my challenge and off I went.  For a half hour walk with my girls.  Then played volleyball.  Then did a 10 minute aerobic routine.

But I ended the night sharing a meal with family eating steak and casava! Why is it that when we eat with families or friends we feel obligate to share a meal with them while trying to keep to our healthy lifestyle.  I keep thinking that it is my obligations to share meals...that's gotten me to this size!!!  I suppose nobody forced the food down my throat!....so no-one is accountable but me!

Tomorrow is another day, and my husband is going to join me on this journey.  I CAN DO THIS...and I'm NOT GOING TO KEEP DOING THIS TO MYSELF!

Oh..also...bought some pair of harem pants and am happy to say that I have dropped a size :)....BUT I WILL NOT CONTINUE TO SABOTAGE MY MEAL PLANS!!!  xxxxx

I'm loving today's encouragement from "The Word for Today"...teaching me that God will continue to work within me until the day....There is GREATNESS WITHIN ME that I know people can see.  I just need to believe that my outside CAN reflect what is inside!

'...[God] wrestled...with him until...' Genesis 32:24 KJV

 The Bible says, 'Jacob was left alone; and there wrestled a man [the angel of the Lord]...until the breaking of the day.' When God decides to deal with you He will get you alone. Notice, Jacob was 'left'. When surgery is required, nobody else is allowed in the operating room. Something in you must be dealt with or you won't make it.
Notice also, 'There wrestled a man with him until'. Others may give up on you, but not God. '...He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ' (Philippians 1:6 NKJV). 'Until' Jacob becomes Israel, 'until' the deceiver becomes a prince with God, 'until' you begin to walk, talk and live in such a way that everybody around you knows you've been touched by God. God's not going to let you get by with stuff He used to overlook. When you're running out of time He will wrestle with you and show you that you're wasting your life. He will wrestle with you over your careless attitudes, words and actions. He will wrestle with you over your ingratitude and help you see how blessed you are. He will wrestle with you over your double-mindedness and unwillingness to make a commitment. You've changed jobs, changed relationships and changed churches; when are you going to let God plant you permanently somewhere so that you can bear fruit?
There are two 'untils' in this story. First, God wrestled with Jacob until he said yes. Second, Jacob wrestled with God until He blessed him. At that point Jacob's name changed, his past ended, and the future God had in mind for him began.

SoulFood: Deut 18:9-18, Dan 2, Isa 47:5-15, Acts 16:16-34

The Word for Today is authored by Bob and Debby Gass and published under licence from UCB International Copyright 2011alt



Sunday, October 30, 2011

Getting back on track...

After yesterday's session at the gym my muscles are feeling a little sore but I still don't seem to have beaten the habit of eating junk!  I'm still feeling the effects of the cold confusing it with hayfever.  Eye drops are working over time and flooding my eye ducts!

The encouragement today was about "Seek and you shall find".  Hmmm don't think I can find the skinny me anywhere in my room, nor any time soon.  I will find her though :)

Tomorrow is a new day to get back on track with this journey.  I need to organise myself again.  It's amazing what planning and organisation can do.  For someone like me, it's essential to prepare oneself.  And when I don't....argh!...junk food it is!  I read recently that before you do the grocery shopping it's best to have a meal beforehand.  Shopping on an empty stomach enables you to buy things you desire and don't really need... JUNK!  I was doing so well and sticking to that....and now....I'LL START  AGAIN.  Always starting again.  Well I suppose that's better than not starting at all.

It's a short one tonight...but I'm ready to start again tomorrow!!! Time is drawing near to a close for my 6th week.  I need to love myself enough to keep going!!!! xxx




Saturday, October 29, 2011

I'm saying....YES...

Over the next month I'm going to say YES to anything active...to EXERCISE.  If someone asks me to play touch, play tennis, hit the gym....my answer will be YES.  Keeping myself honest and committing to this journey I am not going to have a second thought about whether to join someone or to get up and do some exercise.  Doing this for 21 days straight will create a habit :)

This morning my husband asked me whether I would need the car to head out and visit my cousin...I said that I would walk.  I got a message from a relative inviting me to join her for the pump class at the local gym.  I said YES.  :)

Pump class was good.  A strain.  But it was good.  I managed to score a free 2 week pass to the gym.  So my aim is to hit the gym for an hour at least...THAT'S AT LEAST 3 times a week.

I'm feeling good at the moment.  It helps to talk to people about my journey as it helps me to stay true to why I'm doing this in the first place.  I was washing the dishes today and thinking that I am thankful for this time as it is the first time in seven years that I can really be a "mum" without other distractions.  I am learning to humble myself especially when it comes to my dealings with my girls.  Communicating effectively and honestly with my girls and my husband is reflecting the person that I really want to be.

Not long ago I thought I was losing that person that was learning to love herself.  But I found her again.  As soon as she stepped out of the door and went for a walk.  I don't need anything when I do so.  I don't need the latest pair of runners, the trendiest of outfits.  Just my MP3.  Music to help keep my feet going.

I've pretty much worked through all the rooms in the house.  Still have more rooms to clean.  Just as I focus on parts of my life.  There is still more to improve on.  Heading into my Father's house tomorrow, I look forward to the encouragement that awaits me tomorrow.

Life is still good to me. xxx

Friday, October 28, 2011

Clean House....Clean Spirit??

So today I was on a mission to clean every closet, draw, shelf in my house.  I'm part way there but I managed to get rid of so much clutter in my wardrobe and my girls alone.  All I had was music playing from my kitchen and some black rubbish bags.  It felt good to re-evaluate myself while I was cleaning.

I don't know how I got to having so many clothes.  I think it was always wanting to get the nicest things that I never could get or afford (not that I still can :P) before.  But now I'm realising through this journey to loving ME, I don't need the latest threads.  I can improvise.  One only really needs a couple of pairs of everything.  Not 15 t-shirts, 3 long sleeve tops, so many dresses etc etc etc.

I feel lighter physically and mentally.  A relative commented positively on how I looked at church tonight.  It was nice to hear such compliments.  I'm really making the change to carry myself better and do the best that I can with what I have.  Though I'm not going to be complacent.  Losing 4 kilos is just the start.  I have so much more to lose, but am gaining so much more in Spirit.

The Word at service tonight was a great reminder to live in harmony amongst your brothers and sisters in Christ.  This extends out to your family, your children, your brothers, sisters, aunties, uncles, cousins etc etc etc.  When we are one in mind and spirit working together can happen so smoothly.  I reflect on a number of times when things aren't quite as harmonious as I would like them to be, but I am thankful that I am able to quickly nip things in the butt before they get out of hand.  It's amazing how two simple words "I'm sorry" can diffuse a situation.

There is still a lot of clutter in my house both inside and out.  And that's the same with my spirit and body.  I have a lot of work to do.  Today I've done a little bit of tidying, as I will do every day.  I need to keep moving to be able to really make any progress.

I'm really blessed in the things that I'm doing right now.  God is blessing me with so many opportunities to really extend myself.  I'm trying to not put myself in a box, that I am only to be a certain way as people perceive me.  No.  I know that God has made me to do so much more with my life.  I accept that I cannot do everything, but through God ....so many great things will come from me and all the glory goes to Him.

So with my house being semi-clean, so is my spirit.  And I'm okay with that, because tomorrow I'm ready to do some more cleaning :) xxxxx

Thursday, October 27, 2011

OKAY I'VE HAD ENOUGH...

I've had enough of.....staring at pictures of other gorgeous people thinking...it would be nice to be that thin...
I've had enough of...saying I'll start again tomorrow
I've had enough of....blaming others for my lack of motivation
I've had enough of ....saying I'm sick, I'll rest today
I've had enough of ....being too busy
I've had enough of...my lack of organisation
I've had enough of...."thinking" about doing something
I've had enough of.....buying clothes to "hide" my body shape
I've had enough of.....retail therapy
I've had enough of.....COMING UP WITH EXCUSES!!!!!

Time to change!!!!

Time to CARE!!

Time to LOVE ME!!!! BECAUSE I DESERVE IT!!!

Okay now that I've got that out of my system!!!

And just as today's Word of encouragement says....Today is my breakthrough...I'm now hit with the dilemma that I may not complete my qualification because too many times I have allowed myself to focus on other things and not put my own goals first....but that is not going to keep me down! I will find a way to achieve my goals!......The greatest thing about today's encouragement is.....ridding myself of my SELF-DEFEATING MENTALITY!!!  That's right it's my OWN SELF THAT IS DEFEATING ME!!!!!....I've got to Change My Mindset!!!!!

Here goes to a new life!!! xxx


Your Breakthrough!

Thursday, 27 October 2011 00:00
'[The] One who breaks open the way will go up before [you]...' Micah 2:13 NIV


Are you thinking, 'If I don't get a breakthrough, I'm not going to make it?'
Try to understand these two things. First, your problem is just an opportunity for God to work on your behalf. You are positioned to experience the truth of these words: '[The] One who breaks open the way will go up before them; they will break through the gate and go out. Their king will pass through before them, the Lord at their head.' By God's grace you can prevail over your circumstances. You can rise above discouragement and the self-defeating mentality that says: 'Nothing's going to change for the better'. You say, 'But I tried and failed!' Fine, mark that off your list and say, 'Now I know what doesn't work.' Rejoice, God knows the way, and He's going before you!
Second, before you experience a breakthrough there's usually a shake-up. Chuck Yeager , the World War II hero who broke the sound barrier, fractured his ribs in a horse-riding accident the day before he hopped into the cockpit and attempted to do what had never been done with a plane before. His friends said, 'You're in too much pain. Don't do it.' His fears told him, 'Nobody's ever done it before. You won't either.' At 1100 km/hr the plane began to shake violently. Then suddenly he broke through into what he described as 'a great calm'. That's how it is when you're about to experience a breakthrough. When everything around you starts to shake and your fear level skyrockets, you're not about to crash and burn, you're on the threshold of a breakthrough!


SoulFood: Ezra 6-8, John 6:52-71, Ps 114, Pro 24:23-25

The Word for Today is authored by Bob and Debby Gass and published under licence from UCB International Copyright 2011alt

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Committing to my journey...

It's been a pretty full-on day today with sorting out my daughter's uniforms (youngest starts her first day at school tomorrow), bits and pieces for the house, photography props for my gig this weekend and ridding of some old clothes in my daughter's and my closet.

Today was my weigh-in day and I'm not happy that I haven't budged but it is expected.  I really need to get out of this rut of a flu.  When I sit down it really kicks in.  But I'm not letting it slow me down.  I'm really loving the encouragement lately. It's really speaking to my situation right now.  Commitment!  That's what I need to keep doing.  Commit to loving myself enough to make a change.  Week 6 bring it!!!!!!!!!!!!


Commit Yourself!

Wednesday, 26 October 2011 00:00
'...all forsook me... But the Lord stood with me...' 2 Timothy 4:16-17 NKJV

Read these words slowly and carefully: 'Until I am committed there is a hesitancy, a chance to draw back. But the moment I definitely commit myself, then God moves also and a whole stream of events begin. All manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings, people, and material assistance of which I never dreamed, begin to move towards me.' So commit yourself! When others refuse to go with you, commitment means going on alone. Daniel dined and prayed alone. Elijah sacrificed and witnessed alone. Jeremiah prophesied and wept alone. Paul said, 'No one stood with me, but all forsook me... But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me... and I was delivered out of the mouth of the lion.'
It's at the point of commitment, and not before, that God intervenes on our behalf. When the three Hebrew children made a commitment not to bow to the king's idols, God brought them out of the fiery furnace without even the smell of smoke. Indeed, King Nebuchadnezzar was so impressed that he said, '...there is no other god who is able to deliver in this way' (Daniel 3:29 NAS).
What do you believe God has called you to do with your life? Obey Him. Step out in faith and do it. If you're afraid, read these words: 'I'd rather be ashes than dust. I'd rather my spark burn out than that it should be stifled by dry rot. The proper function of my life is to live, not exist. So I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use every moment.'


SoulFood: Ezra 3-5, John 6:35-51, Ps 127, Pro 24:19-22

The Word for Today is authored by Bob and Debby Gass and published under licence from UCB International Copyright 2011alt

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

I will not cast away my confidence...

I have been feeling a little under the weather lately and I was about to start blogging about how the flu is bringing me down but then I read this awesome encouragement in today's "Word for Today".

Like I blogged yesterday, there is no room in my mind for doubt.  This journey begins with making little changes.    But little changes that will bring about big results.  It's the start of my week 6 tomorrow and I know that I really need to take it to the next level.  My walk yesterday was good.  Today is a day for me.  I managed to put in some sleep during the day.  Oh goodness I feel so lazy.  :)  But it's all good for me.

We received some bad news on the weekend which could mean that I return to work earlier than expected.  I don't know how I feel about it really, but I know that if my family needs it I will go back to work.

My little one starts her first day at school tomorrow.  I'm excited for her but also a little apprehensive because it means that I will definitely fulfil my promise to myself to use those hours my girls are in school to put in some exercise time.

My husband just returned from training and picked up a meal from his parent's place and tempted me into eating some t-bone steak.  My mouth waters just thinking about it.  I am hanging in there.  Some help he is :P

Reading through the encouragement I feel my confidence building up again that I can do this.  I love that God's Word can do that to you.  Remind you that there is something great at work within you.  It takes courage and faith to see what it is that you need to work at.  God does the rest.  I often forget that I only need to be concerned about minor things in my life.  God handles everything else.  I know that I will be okay.  But with faith comes action.  I need to move forward otherwise I will fall back or stand still.

I know there is so much more to my life than what I'm living right now so this time off to take care of ME will help me prepare for that time.....It will be great.... xxx


Are You Just Beginning?

Tuesday, 25 October 2011 00:00
'Who [with reason] despises the day of small things?...' Zechariah 4:10 AMP


Everything big begins with something small, and your attitude in the beginning often determines your success in the end. The Bible says, 'Who [with reason] despises the day of small things?' Delight in what God gives you to start with, because He does! Thank Him for your small beginnings. Before the drought ended and the rains came, Elijah saw a cloud the size of a man's hand (1 Kings 18:44). That's pretty small, but he rejoiced over it because it was a sign of bigger things to come. Don't destroy your seed by doubting its potential. God gives you a seed of hope, something small-but something is better than nothing. Take that seed and plant it, praying over it and believing God for increase.
A lot of us throw our seed away. When we 'despise' something we diminish its potential; we take no notice of it, we don't care for it. When we don't take care of what God gives us, we lose it. And if we lose our seed we never get to enjoy our harvest.
Hebrews 13:5 AMP tells us to be content with what we have, then goes on to say, 'For He [God] Himself has said, "I will not in any way...let [you] down."' That's why you can be content during your small beginnings. You know that what God commences, He completes. So be patient, be expectant, and keep moving forward. 'Do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise' (Hebrews 10:35-36 NKJV).


SoulFood: Ezra 1-2, John 6:25-34, Ps 98, Pro 24:15-18

The Word for Today is authored by Bob and Debby Gass and published under licence from UCB International Copyright 2011alt
 

Monday, October 24, 2011

A Step at a Time...

So today being Labour weekend in New Zealand and after a historical win for the All Blacks in the Rugby World Cup, I slept in.  Another night of hitting the sack very late, like after midnight!  I woke up this morning realising that I only had a couple of hours to prepare for a photography job I had lined up for the day.  Though the job was only a couple of hours, I knew that I would regret staying up so late.

Before I left for the gig, I had organised to have a boxing session with my relative.  When the gig was over, I was dreaded going home.  I was so tired, but knew that I had to go through with it.  If I missed this session, then it would be more than likely I would put off the next session.  Instead we went for an hour walk.  It was nice to be out in Wellington's windy weather.  We walked the streets of my neighbourhood and then made our way to the infamous steps of my town.  The closer we got to the steps I knew I couldn't NOT go through with it.

Though I stopped a number of times walking up the stairs I was glad that I did it.  And now that the first hurdle is over with, I know that I can walk those steps again.  Taking everything one step at a time.  I made the mistake of weighing myself today!! Since I started this journey each time I stepped on the scales my weight dropped, and then today....(blast those carrots and dip I had late at night)...well it put me off.  But I'm glad I went for a walk this afternoon.

I need to remind myself that this journey is not a quick fix but a life long change.  I need to start building a habit of doing some exercise.  I know that my lack of sleep is impacting on any energy to even start some kind of exercise routine.  I had to remind myself today that despite feeling like I wanted to go to sleep I need to remember how it feels after I've done some exercise.  And that is that I feel GREAT.

With everything that I'm going through right now, I need to keep in mind how I will feel at the end of this journey!  I know that it is more than my physical appearance that I enjoy but it is also how I will take on life's challenges.  Through this journey I will build character, I will develop strategies, I will love others as I love myself.

Today's encouragement from "The Word from Today" is great for what I am thinking about.  There is no room in my mind and my life for doubt, for negative thoughts, for complacency, for giving in.....I need to BELIEVE that I am worth it....I can do this....There is a GREATNESS in me that needs to be seen!!! :) xxx


Faith on the Offensive

Monday, 24 October 2011 00:00
'...The just shall live by faith.' Romans 1:17 KJV


God wants you to move from a survival mentality to a position of ruling and reigning; from just getting by, to really believing Him '...to do exceedingly abundantly above all that [you] ask or think...' (Ephesians 3:20 NKJV). You're not told to cope with the devil, you're told to resist him and he will flee from you (James 4:7). The Greek word for flee means 'to run in terror'. Picture yourself waking up in the morning and the devil saying, 'Help, they're up again!' Paul writes, '[Don't] give place to the devil' (Ephesians 4:27 NKJV). Satan has no place in your life unless you give it to him! His goal is to separate you from your faith, because faith is what pleases God (Hebrews 11:6).
Faith makes you an overcomer (1 John 5:4). Faith brings answers to your prayers. '...when you pray, believe that you receive...and you will have them' (Mark 11:24 NKJV). If you really believe that, you'll act on it. The Bible says, 'Fight the good fight of faith...' (1 Timothy 6:12), so there must be enemies of our faith. And one of faith's biggest enemies is your ignorance of God's Word. 'My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. Because you have rejected knowledge, I will also reject you...' (Hosea 4:6 NKJV). Medical science teaches that you can be exposed to a disease and not get it because you've been inoculated against it. Likewise, religiosity can inoculate you against real faith. Negative people can do that too. You say, 'How can I strengthen my faith?'
The Bible says, 'Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God' (Romans 10:17 NKJV). So live in God's Word.

SoulFood: Zeph 1-3, John 6:1-24, Ps 85, Pro 24:11-14

The Word for Today is authored by Bob and Debby Gass and published under licence from UCB International Copyright 2011alt

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Checking in...

Now after 4 weeks has passed I've decided to revisit my goals.  Looking through my goals I haven't achieved any as yet but this week I'm determined to cross off goal 1 off my fitness list, and goal 1 off my feel good list.  The goal is within reach.  I'm remaining positive.  I have received comments from people that I have lost weight.  And knowing that I have only lost 4.2kgs, I think it's more about the way I carry myself.  I am feeling better about myself despite my shell (skin) cracking in some places (!).  I am positive and still loving me :)

It's my first Sunday back in Wellington.  Sunday school went well.  I enjoy teaching my kids.  I've decided that I'm going to make the most of what I teach my class.  My kids aren't going to enjoy class if I don't enjoy delivering what I have prepared.

Today's message talked about Jesus washing the feet of the disciples before he was captured.  The key messages in this passage talks about humility, His love and His example

1) Demonstrating humility
We often get so caught up in our own lives that we do not see the opportunities to demonstrate how we can be humble.  I can think of the many times my husband and I have disagreed and waiting on him to apologise or coming from a time when I would never approach others but wait on them to approach me.  Never making the first move.  But that often is what being humble is about.  Being the first to apologise, the first to say hello, the first show humility.  In my experience I've found that being humble brings about peace in any situation.  It can be difficult to put oneself aside and think about the other person in heated situations.  Especially when we want so much to be proven right.  There are so many great things that stem from humility.  Here are a few clips of some wonderful people who have put themselves aside to help humanity.

CNN Heroes - Narayanan Krishnan

CNN Heroes - Anuradha Koirala

Watching these videos put things into perspective for me.

2)  True Unconditional Love
In the passage in John it talks about Jesus loving even those in the world as well as His disciples.  One Love. True Love.  I have been a born again christian now for 11 years and one of the hardest things I endure is demonstrating unconditional love.  I have to keep reminding myself that those (people) that hurt me are the exact people that need to know God through me.  Having a mind and spirit that is aware of my situations is a blessing.  I have my own internal "checkpoint" :).  I used to think that saying "I love you" was difficult and not a term you want to throw around.  I felt that loving someone had a deeper meaning that could only be shared with those you really care about.  Walking with God and understanding his presence in my life I've come to the conclusion that my love is not meant for certain people in my life.  Jesus didn't reserve His love for only those close to him.  He loved everyone.  Of course, I am nothing compared to Jesus but He is the example I follow.  To show others how much I love my God, I need to reflect that love to everyone in my life.  Who am I to say only some deserve my love, when it is not my (completely) love to begin with. My love comes from God.  So it is destined to be shared.

3)  By Example
Lastly the passage talks about Jesus' example in washing the feet of His disciples.  How humble it is to witness and understand that as their (the disciples) teacher, He bows down and cleans their feet.  I think no matter how much we try to deny it, everything we do is an example to someone.  We are all built to search for answers.  We are made to find that certain thing that fills any void in our lives.  So we look to others in our lives, to our families, to our friends, to celebrities.  I had an interesting conversation with my girls the other day about one of the celebrities they like who revealed that she steals clothing from the set that she works on.  At the end of that conversation my girls understood that despite what celebrities do they don't have to copy them just because they like them.  I believe it is naive to think that we can go through life not thinking we have an influence on someone.  Why not follow the example of those who add positive values to their own lives.  We get so fixated on what society want us to do and to believe that we don't see how it impacts on our lives.  Another checking point for me is to take a step back from my own life and see how my life influences others, especially my family.

This week I continue week 5 of my journey.  I'm looking forward to ticking things off my to do lists....yes plural :).  My mum (in-law) asked me how my studies were going, and I sensed a slight disappointment (what I perceived) in her voice when I told her that I was having a break this semester.  I dreaded the moment that I would have to tell my mum of my plans given she is such a great example of persistence and perseverance having just completed her Masters.  But I need to be honest with myself by being honest with others if I am to commit to my plans.

I'm still loving life, and loving ME (even with my sore throat).  :)


_________________________________

Fitness list

  1. Walking up my street (very very steep hill)
  2. Walking up the Stokes Valley stairs non-stop
  3. After losing 15kg - walk up Wainuiomata Hill
  4. After losing 30kg - walk up mount in Porirua
  5. Rock climbing
  6. Join a touch team in the summer
  7. Join a basketball team


Feel good list

  1. 5kg loss reward - Go to a Hot Spa :)
  2. 10kg loss reward - Go to a Hot Spa again :)
  3. 15kg loss reward - New shoes
  4. 20kg loss reward - Full body massage
  5. 25kg loss reward - New clothes ;)
  6. 30kg loss reward - 
  7. 35kg loss reward - Weekend away with my family
  8. 40kg loss reward - Girls night...Time to cleanse the spirit :)
  9. 45kg loss reward - Fit into my new size 16 summer dress
  10. 50kg loss reward - New Graduation outfit
  11. 55kg loss reward -  Fit into my size 14 summer top I bought years ago when I did Weight Watchers but gave up just before I could fit into it.
  12. 60kg loss reward - Make over and "first date" with my handsome husband....who will surprise me with a trip to the Greek Islands (I hope he reads this lol)

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Honesty really is the Best Policy...

I'm now into my 5th week of making REAL changes in my life and I'm feeling really good about myself.
I've just returned from an awesome two week holiday in Auckland with my family.  Having my girls get to know my family has been a real blessing.  My father and mother's side came together for family lunch.  I can't remember the last time they were altogether :)

I headed this post as such because I'm reminding myself to be completely honest with what it is I'm going through.  The journey I'm on right now goes deeper than the kg's I need to lose.  I posted some time ago that I feel like I'm finally giving myself a chance to make a change.  Loving myself to give it a try.  My mind is still focussed on that.  I just had a conversation with my husband about my progress.  Despite the kg's lost not being as much as I would've liked, it doesn't matter.  Losing weight is one part of this journey.  I've made real progress in other areas such as my relationship with my girls and changes with the INNER ME.  So I am happy :)

Tonight's bible study talked about hypocrisy (Luke 12: 1 - 13).  This prompted tonight's post.  I am thankful that with all that I do I am trying my best to be completely honest with myself and with others.  My intent is always to improve relationships and accepting where through my honesty some relationships may run its course.  There have been situations where I find myself confiding in someone or someone confiding in me that I am fully aware that whatever I say I need to be prepared to say publicly (if and when appropriate).  As the scripture says "What you have said in the dark, will be heard in the daylight" NIV.  Now that would be one of the worst feelings to have to confront or be confronted publicly about something you've said to be caught out.  Honesty is the best policy.

The scripture goes on further to encourage you not to be afraid of what people will do to your body but to fear God for what He can do is throw you into hell.  I reflected on this and was reminded that spiritual death is far worse than physical death.  As humans we are very visual.  To see someone lose a limb or lose their lives is absolutely devastating to us but then it is only temporary.  Our time here on earth is temporary.  Our "temples" are a temporary house for the GREATNESS that lies within you.  That is the Spirit of God that dwells within your heart.  Living a life that you are not called to live brings about consequences not only physically but spiritually.  I was reminded that my body can die but my spirit remains ALIVE.  When my spirit dies, my body will too.

Keeping myself honest in this journey helps my spirit to remain filled with joy, faith and in love with myself, my husband and my family.

It's good to be home.... :) xxx

Blank...

Here is a post that I had prepared last Friday but couldn't get access to the net to post it online.
Before I get into it though, I wanted to keep myself honest in revealing how my healthy goals are going....

So after four weeks of making changes I have lost 4.2 kgs.  Though I am a little disappointed in not achieving bigger results in these last two weeks.  I know where my faults were.  But at the same time...a loss is a loss.  :)....xxx
------------------------
I’ve been trying to think of what to write and my mind draws a blank.  Following on from yesterday about boredom and finding rest in that boredom, today I have nothing….or do I?

Am I not purpose driven?  Am I becoming complacent?  Actually I think stagnant is the better word.  I’m not quite moving forward right now, but I know I’m NOT moving back either.  I think there are often moments when we feel ….we are neither here or there.  It’s not that I’ve lost the drive to do anything. I know for certain that my lack of sleep is having an effect but I think I’m just enjoying the NOW.  There is going to be a time when I will need to revisit my goals again to get myself motivated and moving forward.  I’m not completely off track just not moving anywhere.

I think I need to set new physical goals.  My brother gave me an exercise programme to try.  I know this will kick in once my little one starts school next term.  I will try to stick to a routine for 21 days straight.  I’ve read that sticking to something for 3 weeks forms a new habit J.  Here goes. 

To keep moving spiritually, I really need to (and I’m sitting here thinking about what it is that I want to achieve) read His Word.  I read so many other books but I fail to read the manual for living life!  I’ve read in one of my books that repeating a practice (building habits) is one of the most basic principles of most spiritual paths.  It reads that whatever you practice most is what you will become.  I think about an athlete training for an upcoming event.  When they train at their best they will perform at their best.  Simple really.  It was interesting to read that often we say what we want to do and our lifestyle reflects something else.  I like the question “Is what you say you want your life to stand for consistent with what your life really stands for?”  who do I say I am…A Christian….so do I live my life as one?  Do I pick and choose what I believe constitutes as Christian living?  There are so many interpretations or ideas of Christian living how do I know which is the right one to follow?...So much for my mind being blank huh? J

In terms of my family and moving forward in that area, I will start to have one-on-one time with my girls again.  I started this sometime ago and it really helped our relationship and I think I need to start this again.  This can be something as simple as going for a walk together.

I often think about whether my blogging is repetitive and I suppose if it’s still on my mind then it’s something that I still need to work at.  I’m down about having to revisit old habits.  I am reminded of what I need to change but my focus is still looking forward.  I am CHOOSING to do better….

XXX

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Everything in Moderation...

So I haven’t blogged these last couple of days.  I had made a commitment to blog every day and to do that I will need to walk to the library every day to get internet access.  The weather hasn’t been good lately but that hasn’t stopped me from keeping active.  I exercised the day before last, and yesterday I had an inner “me” day. 

Though I haven’t done much these last couple of days, it is teaching me to live in the “boredom”.  When we are bored we have nothing to do.  For someone who could not keep still, always feeling they needed to do something to prove their worth, doing nothing is a difficult thing to do.  I once read to appreciate boredom.  Appreciate that at times we need to do nothing.  We need time to stare out the window and reflect.  When we give ourselves that time off, no matter how short or long that time is, we will come back refreshed and revived.  And that’s what I did.  I just relaxed all day.  I remember thinking during that time, that it was a blessing to not feel that I needed to be somewhere and do something. 

It has been great to spend time with my family and my girls.  I have been enjoying cooking meals for my family when they return from work.  To be able to provide for them, in some way.  It also keeps me focussed on preparing meals etc. 

I have noticed that I am very conscious of, not just what I eat, but how much I eat (& drink).  That has been going well.  I am learning to eat things in moderation.  But perhaps not just eating, but doing many things in moderation.  This stretches out to what I do for others.  Learning to say “No”.  I don’t feel that I am disappointing people with this change of mindset, but I’m learning to give the best that I can, with what I have than with what I don’t have.  And at times what I don’t have is …time and energy but I still give.  It’s like making your car go the full distance on an almost empty tank.

Doing things in moderation affects my attitude towards things and people.  I’m finding that I feel more patient, my mind is clearer and sharper.  My healthy lifestyle these last three weeks has been really good.  It is affecting how sharp my mind is. 

I’ve been cleaning a few things in my parents house and came across a book that I gave my brother some years ago, Rick Warren’s “The Purpose Driven Life”.  Just flicking through  and reading the chapter’s of the book reminded me of how good his messages are.  One chapter in particular talks about “What Matters Most”.  In reflecting on the things that I do in moderation, I believe that I am learning to give my time and love to the things that matter most in my time.  I read that it takes us a lifetime to learn the art of love.  I am 33 years old now and only just learning to love myself.  All the principles of living that have come to make up who I am are something that I must practice on in my family.  Even as I type this I’m lying with my girls in the room and my youngest is demanding so much attention from me right now that patience is slowly leaving me and jumping out the window!  My youngest daughter has eczema and has bouts of when she cannot sleep at night because she’s itchy.  Sometimes we are up all night applying cream, using a wet flannel to cool her skin down, keeping the fan on in the room so that she doesn’t get hot.  A few nights here and there isn’t too bad, but nights in a row can get a bit much.  So with this going on learning to love sometimes comes across as a stern hard word to those we love!  I try not to show my frustration when she gets that way.  It’s so hard, and I know that doing two things at the same time only makes me even more frustrated.  But in quiet times I think about my whole journey of trying to change the inner me….and that comes with learning to given my attention to the things that matter most…like my daughter itching in the middle of the night.

I am learning and I have accepted that my glass of experiences, knowledge and principles is not full yet and I don’t think it will be until the day my Lord calls me.  But I am content with taking each day as it comes. 

xxx

Monday, October 10, 2011

Giving your best or your leftovers...

Today has been a day of cleaning after the weekend's awesome celebration of my youngest daughter's birthday.  So blessed to be surrounded by family.  Throughout this weekend I kept checking in with my girls if they were having a good time and whether they got to meet everyone.  They had a fabulous time!!  and so did I :)

I like the encouragement on Joyce Meyer's facebook page today that says "Does your family get priority time or just the scraps you have left after you have given your best to the rest of the world?".  One of the things I wanted to work on while I'm on holiday is to spend some quality time with my girls.  To be more conscious of how I spend my time.  To SPEAK to my girls with love and not BELT OUT commands to them.  I love that at the moment I can sincerely say that my priority is my family and ME! 

This statement is TRUE to the testament that I had given my best to God and to everyone else before my family.  My behaviour towards my girls and vice versa was reflective of the scraps that I was giving them.  I meet up with so many of my family and friends and I always get the same thing said to me..."You're so busy!"  You know in honesty I cringe at hearing that because I really don't think that I am that busy.  I once said (or I blogged) that I've come to realise that I don't think I deserved to rest.  Like I needed to prove something, so I am/was always doing things.  Always keeping myself busy.  I understand now that I am worthy of rest because through rest I can reflect and refresh on my path, my goals to achieve.  I am in a different head space now where I really feel that this time will return great numbers in goals achieved for God, my family and for MYSELF!!!

It is important for me to be aware, to be mindful of how my time is spent.  Even now as I type this I can think of one way that my time is wasted but reminding yself to not keep still, to keep moving will help me to stick with my healthy goals.  My husband returns home tomorrow and it may be 10 days before I see him again, so my mini-goal is to work hard, train hard, be spiritually fed before I see him again :)

I haven't said it enough, and I think I deserve to....I am really loving my life right now.  Enjoying my time with my family.  I am re-thinking my path, and though my goals have moved in timeframe....I know and BELIEVE I will still achieve them.

The old me gave my best to everyone else...the new me gives my best to God and to my family ...to everyone else I will do the best that I can....


xxx



Sunday, October 9, 2011

At the End of the Day...

I have one of the best days I will ever remember in my life today.  Our day started off with an awesome message at City Impact Church this morning.  My nephew also came along to church with us.  Our kids loved the "kids church" today they can't wait to go back next week...especially my nephew :).  The message today was so encouraging and confirmation of my journey so far.  Loving life so much!!

I think today was the first time I had both sides over for lunch ( my mum's and dad's ).  All together to celebrate my daughter's birthday.  We had such an awesome time today, I am still sitting on cloud nine.  We chatted, we caught up, we ate, we laughed, we sang, we had water fights....we are together!

I loved seeing my girls enjoying their time with their family.  Getting to know everyone.  I felt so blessed.  I'm glad that I did well in terms of my healthy lifestyle.  I ate in moderation :)....so blessed....I feel so blessed right now.  I love my family so much.  I love what my mum and dad have done to help prepare for this day.  Despite being told to stick to samoan culture on one small thing which I ignored :)...everything else was perfect!!....actually my brother and his family were missing....but it was still bliss today.

At the End of the Day...my good Lord is being acknowledged through our bonfire worship time right now.  After the first rugby world cup quarter final today, we all went outside to toast some marshmallows which was awesome.  We then sat around the fire and starting singing songs of praise.  It's 11pm right now, and we're still going.  The fire is warming our hearts as our songs of worship does.

Such a blessing to fellowship with my family this weekend on all levels.  This journey I am on is really taking me to another level in every area of my life.  I am truly blessed.  I am going to try to keep this "buzz" that I feel going until I return home.  You know sometimes when you feel you have such a great time that just the thought of returning to where you came from sets of some anxiety attack.  This time I will rebuke any feelings of dread when I return to home.  I'm going to take what I feel and am learning here and apply it at home.

Even now as I'm typing away, I can hear my cousins and husband singing songs of praise.  I'm so glad that my husband gets along with my family and that a lot of them look up to him.  It can be difficult to choose your life time partner that can get along with your close family members and friends.  Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't.  But when the relationship works it makes things so much easier especially for your children.  Your children are given a chance to enjoy life and not be judged on by their parents' past demons.  I am thankful that my familiy accept the choice that I have made in my lifetime partner :)

So again...At the End of the Day...my God is acknowledged for the awesome weekend I have just had with my family.  I am so blessed.  I am still LOVING MY LIFE and SENSING THE GREATNESS WITHIN ME!!!!!

In all things I acknowledge my God...for in all honesty...it is because of Him that I have EVERYTHING that I have :) and do not worry about the things that I don't have... :) xxxxx

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Realising what you have is GOOD...

Today has got to be one of the best days I have ever had in a long time.  Despite the event being a celebration of my daughter's 5th birthday, it was special to share this day with my extended family.  It was a small and intimate affair which I am finding are the best parties to have.  Surrounded by family that my girls have come to love as I do meant a lot to me.

There were times during the day where I reflected on how far I have come and in sharing this day with them helped me to appreciate more so the importance of family and the importance of showing your appreciation for them.  I loved seeing my girls enjoying their family's company.  It was great to be in an environment to just feel at ease.  There was no sense of feeling self conscious about how you looked, how your family looked and "keeping up appearances".  There was no formality to today's event.  Just some good grub and good company.  I love that my family (even adults) can just hang out and play around like we were kids again.

The celebrations will continue tomorrow with the rest of my extended family that are available to attend.  I look forward to seeing everyone tomorrow and seeing my girls get to know them all.  It was said not having my other brother and his family with us, but my spirit is no longer burdened with always missing out on being together.  I look forward to the next time we meet again.

This journey is helping me to reflect on things in my life a lot clearer.  I had always read other people's status lines on facebook about how much they are loving life.  I used to think "yeah right!", and never really able to say it myself.  But today in the middle of my third week of my journey, I am truly loving life.  I am choosing the moments to LIVE!, I am making decisions that will ADD VALUE to my life.  I am clearer about things that DO NOT ADD VALUE to my life. 

Joyce Meyer once said in her status lines "God wants us to find joy in Him.  It's amazing what happens when we learn to trust God."  I've found that the truth in that statement is...SIMPLICITY.  We make what can be a beautiful life so difficult to achieve, and yet it can be really SIMPLE.  We complicate things by overthinking situations.  There really is joy in living a good and clean life.  Clean in conscious, clean in spirit and clean in body.  Once you are able to discern what can be simple....you will feel so much freedom in the decisions you make and be satisfied with the outcome.  I think in believing how simple my life can be, my love for me grows each day.  I am realising that what I have in my life ...is GOOD. :)

I am in a good place right now and working to keep it that way.  Tomorrow is a new day....I can't wait to see what it brings :) xxx

Friday, October 7, 2011

Conversations with my Dad...

So this morning I decided to go for a walk with my dad.  My dad loves to walk and walk for hours! :)  It is a time that I enjoy hanging out with my dad.  So off we went at 8am walking the streets of my old :)  For an hour and 45 mins, our time was spent talking about the neighbourhood and what we used to do back in the day.  We talked about life and our perspectives on many things.  An interesting conversation we had was talking about death and what funeral arrangements meant in the Samoan culture.  I laughed when my dad changed the subject. :)

While we walked the streets I made the commitment to walk more with my dad while I'm here.  I think as we grow older we try to do more with our parents, but more in the sense of taking them out to dinner or whatever.  But I'm finding that what our parents want most is the companionship, the conversation.  There are times where they would appreciate being spoilt but sometimes it's really keeping things simple that they would prefer.  It's a chance for me to get to know my parents all over again.  I've been living away from home for over ten years now.  So there is ten years that I need my parents to catch up on. 

I'm really enjoying my time with my family this time 'round.  I think with this journey I'm going through it is only good timing for me to return home so that I can work on the next level of my internal journey.  Looking at the inner me, I see me smiling and ready to take on what these two weeks will bring.  I have GREATNESS within me.  Having these conversations with my dad will only help me to really appreciate the goodness that I have been raised with and discard the bad.  GREATNESS acknowledges the bad but does not hold onto it.  GREATNESS learns from what WAS and makes way for what WILL.

Talking with my dad I've realised that my heart is more open to hearing how he sees life.  I think about my relationship with my dad, and I liken it to my relationship with God.  Our dads are an earthly representation of our heavenly Father, or so they should strive to be I think.  In God there is perfection, there is no wrong.  So when there are times I do, do wrong my relationship with God is not in that moment.  My relationship with my dad is very much like my heavenly Father in that, it has been a while since I last spoke to him too.  Like my walk was today, filled with reminiscing, laughter and advice, so too should my conversation with God.

I am challenged during this time to continue my conversations with my Dad and to continue my conversations with God, to whom I can do ALL things!!!

 There is GREATNESS in my relationship with my dad...as there is in my relationship with GOD xxx

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Commitment and Flexibility....

So I'm here!  Made it to my local library.  Wow it hasn't changed much in the last 15 years since I was here.  The librarian is still the same too :)....Big plus is that internet access if FREE ;)

So I'm finding that before I board a plane at the airport I am always buying new books :)  So my latest purchase is "Who moved my Cheese?" by Dr. Spencer Johnson.  I had heard about this book through work colleagues but never really took an interest in it until I came across at the book store.  I haven't read through the entire book just yet but I am already captivated by its simple parable of how a mouse finds its cheese to illustrate how being flexible in your plans allows one to still get its "cheese", it just may not be in the timeframe originally thought out :)

I think it was the perfect book to purchase given my goals for this two week holiday.  Making my way to the library (though today I didn't walk here, having just returned from saying goodbye to my brother at the airport), has put some action to my commitment of exercising and blogging while I'm here.

Commitment in any shape or form is always a challenge.  I am a big planner and lists person.  I plan so much that I sometimes don't fulfil what I am planning.  It's exhausting writing lists you know :), it can also be a time-waster when there is no follow-through :p.  So my challenge these two weeks is to commit to what I have set out to do. 

I am excited about the coming days and what my spirit will learn on this journey.  If I can make one of the biggest commitments in my life to leave home for God and follow-through with it, then these two weeks should be a breeze!  I'm so much more conscious of what I'm doing while I'm here and yet I am not taking on the stresses of thinking too much about things.  I am enjoying every moment here.

I had a good talk with my father, where normally it would get quite heated but I am learning that a word said quietly is more effective than one shouted from across the room :)  I am loving where my relationship is at with my parents.  In my eyes and in my mind, it was never really a stable one but then again...that's just it ...it was my perspective.  I am thankful for this journey as it helps me to really take a step back...to be patient and to be loving.

So I am keen to hit the pavement tomorrow to make it back to the library to blog some more.  More on commitment and flexibility tomorrow I think. 

Loving life, Loving Him....LOVING ME!!! xxxxx

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Time with Family...

1st day in Auckland with my family and I am blessed with the relationships that I have.  It is a great feeling to be surrounded by your siblings and to know that in any situation you come across you can deal with it together with maturity and unconditional love.   It was great to be in our family kitchen now 10x bigger than when we were 8, 6 and 5 :)


Today is the start of Week 3 of my new journey to improve the inner me, and it is going great.  My mind feels sharper in making conscious decisions of what I'm going to do and most importantly..to eat :).  So now 3.3kgs lighter, I am still motivated to improving ME.  I look forward to the training sessions I am going to have with my family.  It will feel like the old days when we would encourage each other to do something active.  I feel it is another level that my brothers and I can connect in our relationship.

It is a bitter sweet moment tonight as we farewell my brother Junior and his family back to England tomorrow.  But moments like these are very precious to us.  Speaking to my youngest brother, I said to him that though we've been living apart for over ten years now, I'm glad that we can be civil about things.  What is important is for us to ensure that our children get time together also and with our parents.

It is very true that friends and acquaintances will come and go in your life, but your family will always remain.  Now that I am in my 30s I am certain of the people I have in my life and who I know will be with me and support me in any venture I pursue.  There is strength in family!  It sometimes may not be as obvious as seeing the nose on our faces but it is there.  Belief in a strong family unit is just as important.  Believing that there is a strong bond between every person in the family only cements your relationships.  Having faith that your family can overcome many and every odds that come into your paths.

I am thankful for the family I have, as dysfunctional as it can be, with all the life experiences and life lessons we have gained we are who we are, and no-one but us can truly understand that.  No, actually I'm wrong there...only God can understand how my family unit works.  I look forward to the awesome weekend I am about to have with my family as we celebrate my youngest' 5th birthday.  I want my girls to meet everyone in my family so they can appreciate the love that surrounds them from the families of both their parents.

Surrounding our children with love is the most inexpensive thing we can ever do.  It is the best gift coupled with the gift of life that we can give our children. 

I am going to stick to my word and be motivated to blog every day while I'm on holiday.  I will walk to the library :) which will mean I will put in my time to exercise my temple :)....

so here we go....xxx



Tuesday, October 4, 2011

OMGoodness What Have I done?

I'm sitting here and reading through an email that my lecturer just sent through, and I can feel panic starting to creep up on me.  What have I done?  Withdrawing from my paper might delay my graduation for another 5 years.  Do I want to wait that long?  Feelings of disappointment for failing at not completing something that I had my heart set on finishing only months away is now settling in my heart.  Argh! I hate sitting still for only a moment because these blasted thoughts creep into my head.

I need to make this journey of improving my health worth the sacrifices I'm making.  I started studying in 2001 and despite taking some time off here and there to have my girls, I now feel like it has almost gone to waste.  I spent some time last night with one of my closest friends.  I told of her my journey to date, and she told me what so many others have "You do sooo much!", and I kept replying that it may be true but I don't feel like I do enough.  Oh this is soooo hard to make myself a priority!  Even after weighing myself this morning and after two weeks I have lost over 3 kgs, the celebration only lasted so long!  Argh!

These thoughts are not going to get me down!  My spirit is stronger than that.  I am made of GREATNESS! GREATNESS lies within me!  "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength" Phil 4:13

So I've reached for my latest book called "Don't sweat the small stuff...and it's all small stuff" by Richard Carlson which talks about simple ways to keep the little things from taking over your life and there is a chapter that talks about being flexible with changing your plans.  It is a common encouragement for people to persevere through their plans because it is true to say that success comes from perseverance and completion.  But Carlson reminds me that when your situation changes, your plans need to be flexible to change with your situation otherwise you will be stressing over not completing anything in your life *sigh*.  So as I'm writing this, I'm reading what Carlson says....and all I have to say is "argh!"....he reminds me that....when things get on top of you, you need to look at everything you have got on and think ...."What's really important?"....okay, okay....I feel better now :)

*sigh* Thank you God for blessing your children with the ability to write what you try to tell us through your Word :)  At this time in my life, it is more important for me to take care of myself for the sake of ME, my family and for my service to God.  Giving yourself allowances for potential changes in your life, will help you be a more peaceful person and frankly...easier to be around :)

Okay back on track.....so my post is headed..."OMGoodness What have I done?"....Easy.... :) taking care of ME :) xxx

Monday, October 3, 2011

DREAMS, OPPORTUNITIES...Can you see them?

I am really loving my life right now.  I could never really say that before because I never thought of myself worthy of the time of day.  Always doing more for others and yet neglecting the one thing that helps me to do all things physically - ME!

I have had to make a decision to put my study on hold this semester.  I wasn't giving my study the time needed to warrant a really good mark.  I don't feel bad about it really.  My focus right now is to improve this temporary temple so that I can do so much more with it, for God, my husband, my girls and my family/friends.  The weather sucks lemons at the moment, but I feel blessed all the same.  In my heart the sun is shining brighter than it did the day before.

I am preparing for a photo shoot tonight for a very special young lady.  I am excited about what will become of it and in saying so I can feel my creative juices surging through my veins :).  Okay that was dramatic, but I feel really excited and really in the flow of my creativity.  In that creative space I have also received a lot of feedback from people about turning this blog into a book, and the great news is I found a publisher :).  So watch this space.  Something else off my bucket list :)

If you were to tell me back in school that I would one day be a "blogger", a photographer, a preacher....I would've said...."whoa!...that's cool" ha!.  When you stay within the confinements of your surroundings you may never see your dreams fulfilled or see the opportunities that come your way.  I truly believe that it was in my path to leave home and move to another city to truly find myself.  Despite that it has taken 11 years, my journey is not complete and will not be completed until He calls me to heaven and says to me "Well done Child!"  That is motivating in itself.  To finally hear the words from my Father that I have made him proud.  We yearn so much to please our families, our friends but there is only One that we need to please.  Absolutely loving my life right now.

I walked around my house this morning, getting my girls ready for school and I look around and see so much mess and I feel okay about it.  I confess I am very much a "Monica" (character on "Friends" obsessed with cleanliness) but I finally feel okay to not have my house clinically clean. :)  There is time to clean, there is time to spend with family, there is time to take care of me.  Now that I'm into my 2nd month on leave, I am really enjoying this time to explore other opportunities that have presented itself.  Will see what happens :)

There are only a few things that I am certain about in my life - my love for my God, my belief in Jesus, my husband, my girls, but the one thing that I am absolutely certain on is MY DECISION TO LEAVE HOME FOR GOD, was one that changed my life forever!  I hope that others can feel this certain about the decisions they make in their lives too!

Loving my life, loving my family, loving Him xxxx

Sunday, October 2, 2011

How do I give without expecting anything back?

I have had such an awesome start to my day this morning.  My spirit woke up bright and early this morning, ready to lead our church into Sunday School.  I had such fun.  The message during Sunday school was awesome and one of my favourite parables in the bible - "The Sower" (Matthew 13).  The scripture describes the kind of people that listen to God's Word in their life and what they do with it.  We know that good soil produces strong healthy plants.  But with that comes a lot of hard work to prune the plants, water and give it enough sunlight.  But the rewards that come from that hard work and good soil is a field full of crops!!  All the hard work that I will put into improving my temple, my family life and my every day life begins with preparing myself for the seeds of encouragement to be planted in my heart!  What an awesome message and told simply in Jesus' parables.  I love the fact that something as old as the bible where one would expect to read in old English you'd find such contemporary and very relevant ideals.  Awesome!  Our God is not too big for us to understand!

I've been thinking lately about some relationships in my life where I feel a little neglected or that I have neglected others.  In service today, I contemplated about those relationships and what I'm doing right or wrong.  I felt at peace understanding that relationships are a lot of hard work but I shouldn't feel that my giving should be dictated by how much I receive. Why should I limit the love I can show to others when I don't see that same love reflected back.  Jesus showed his love for others without ever once asking for anything back but believing in who He is.  My heart at times feels burdened when I feel that a relationship is one-sided.  I sometimes think silence kills me slowly when I wait on a text, a call, an email.  Something to let me know that they are thinking about me to.  But this morning's service I felt at peace and reminded to keep giving.  Keep showing my unconditional love.  Demonstrate to others the love that Jesus has for everyone.  I will try not to allow the excuse of "being human" to limit what GREATNESS within me.  How awesome it is to be reminded that I have a GREATNESS within my heart.  Immediately I feel proud, I feel like I have purpose.  I feel like I can do all things!

Only a couple of days before I head back to Auckland and I'm excited! I can't wait to see my family.  I can't wait to have some one-on-one time with my brother.  I can't wait to celebrate my youngest' birthday with my family.  I can't wait to exercise my lifestyle in a place where I felt very intimidated (Auckland).  I used to dread going back home thinking argh! I don't want to run into anyone.  Flash backs from school days enter my mind.   But now I feel really different.  I feel more like......."run into me"....and I'll show you the GREATNESS WITHIN!...:)  Going back home helps me to stay alert in the way I have chosen to live my life.  

I am really enjoying this journey in my life.  I feel that it is a permanent change.  I feel like the good soil and God's seed planted in my heart to live out His purpose in my life.  I feel really joyful in the Lord right now.  I wonder when it was the last time others felt joyful in the Lord? Do they dread going to church because it reminds them more of the sin they are committing and makes them feel guilty so they avoid going to church anyway?  Church is a joyful place if you make it.  Only YOU limit the experiences you have in this life.  Try out a church.  Expect something to be shared with you.  Expect a message that will change your life.  It is not for someone else to change your life for you, but only for YOU and GOD!

How do I give without expecting anything back?  Easy.....DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING!....JUST GIVE :) xxxx