I have not been well this past week. Had taken two days off because I had developed a sty that has taken on a mind of its own. I hadn't had one in years and then all of a sudden 5 pop up at the same time. Bad timing with the shoot today. I was a little worried with the back infection I had earlier so had gone into the hospital to double check that all is okay. The eye specialist also thought that despite my condition being a normal sty, given my history I had to take precaution. So back to drinking 6+ pills a day. Not a great feeling but I will do anything not to fall sick again. I was beginning to feel a little stressed with pressures and work, church and home (house is a mess!!!). My husband is doing the best that he can and he is extremely busy himself. Most of all he is really concerned about my earth and pleading with me to re-think my commitments and reminding me that my body is not what it used to be and that I really need to take care of myself first.
I had been thinking about and at times I do about why I commit myself to so many things. I find that I have this desire to prove my worth to people especially those I love. I must've felt growing up that I was worthless and needed to show people that I can be of some use. And now I am pushing myself to doing so many things. I have learnt to only take on what I can because I have a family now and whatever time I give to someone else, I give away that time I could have with my girls. I have dedicated a bit of my time to this fundraiser this last month so I am looking forward to spending some quality time with my girls during this Christmas and New Year break.
My parents are here visiting. It's great to see that despite my girls hardly seeing my parents (they live in Auckland, NZ) they can get along with them as if they have always lived in the same city. I love that they have the time to share together. Funny story, my dad was supposed to arrive to Wellington on Monday night. My brother had taken my dad to the airport and at the check-in point were told that there were no further flights to Wellington. My brother had insisted that my dad was meant to be boarding a flight to Wellington that night. The attendant check the itinerary and pointed out that my dad was meant to board a flight from Wellington to Auckland. A little embarrassed my brother withdrew apologetically from the counter and hurried my dad into the car. Then anxiously called me non-stop leaving messages calling me ..something silly...for booking the wrong departure city! My dad thought it was funny. I on the other hand was not very pleased and after a few punches in the air I re-booked my dad's flights and so he arrived in Wellington the next day. I think my dad was more concerned that I have been so busy that I wasn't concentrating properly on what I was doing. I think he was right too.
So my girls have finished school for the year. Next year my youngest will be starting primary school too. I look forward to my girls going to the same school again.
I took photos of my sister-in-law the other night testing our new studio kit. Really love the pics of her with the black background. While I was snapping away, I asked her about her relationship with God. Interesting seeing her expressions as I was shooting. I found that her expression is very common. Another reminder that I tend to have my actions in servitude overtake my faith and therefore lack of prayer kicks in. Is it a bad thing to be focussing all my energies on serving Him with action that it is to serve with prayer? Perhaps this is really where my desire to prove my worth comes from. I know that I do not serve Him as well as I should through prayer that I turn to serving Him with action! Because to me that feels like home. I often doubt myself and think I'm just doing it to show everyone that I'm doing something. But it isn't really. I genuinely feel that I am serving my God.
Here are some pics from that mini-photoshoot:
I sit and look around my house and see that there is so much to do. What comes to mind was a preaching I heard some years ago about your House being clean. Not so much literally but your body, your heart, your spirit being clean. And then I think about the outside reflecting how I feel, think on the inside. I would say that the state of my physical house is pretty much reflecting the state of my spiritual house...but that will soon change this christmas holidays :)
What is the state of your House this season?
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