How great is it to know that when you feel that you are following the right path, and then you hear the messages during church it is exactly in line with how you've been feeling lately.
This morning our church band sang Dan Zeltner's song "Turn to you". How beautiful it was to be reminded to focus on Jesus. That has been my prayer every day for the past couple of weeks. As it will always be for the rest of my life. With all the busyness I face in my day-to-day life, God will never disappoint me or turn me down. As the world will continue to set high expectations for me, look down on me, raise its eyebrows to me...I will do as my girls do...."It doesn't bother me"..my focus is on Jesus...
As the song was sung during service, about ten minutes earlier I had just growled off my eldest at the back of the church for misbehaving. Now standing back in our row, I relaxed into the words of "My soul finds rest in You God alone...My rock of safety, the one I depend on...I won't be shaken, I will stand firm in you" I could hear my Pastor asking everyone to turn to the person next to them and greet them. At that point I had my arms raised and just meditating on the words and music of this song. I could feel people tapping my arm but I just couldn't open my eyes. I was fixing my eyes on Jesus. I could feel like this bubble of air building up inside of me. Starting from my chest and it grew and worked it's way through to my throat. Tears started to well and run down my cheek. In my mind, I was looking towards heaven with my eyes opened. Seeing a beautiful bright white light and then I opened my mouth....and I screamed out Jesus' name. I had not felt that way for a long time. Crying uncontrollably asking for forgiveness for allowing other things to take my focus off of Him.
The messages today continued from this song and talked more about remaining focussed on what it is that I am trying to achieve. Finishing the race. Persevering through hardship. It felt so right to be hearing these messages and reinforced my decision to live by faith.
Today I had a family portrait session with a young family who in the past year had experienced what most families so young would not have experienced. I was so blown away by the energy and life in this young mum and her three young boys. I probably spent most of my time yelling out to the boys and running after them but I had fun. It was a reminder to me to keep to my regime of getting in shape. Hearing the inspirational story of this young mum, put a lot of things into perspective for me and again reinforced today's messages about remaining focussed. Every person has an opportunity that is a result of another. We can either choose to see them or not. I believe it is in walking in faith that you will be able to see things a little clearer, a little brighter. When our opportunities make sense and flow on positively from another, I am certain that we are being watched over.
Right now Dan and I have been working with some boys from our youth, who like to spend a lot of time with us. We try our best to help them where we can. The lesson I have learnt in working with them, is not so much about them, but about my own family. I can only help others when I am able to help my family fist. Seeing my opportunities arise from working with these boys, I see the opportunities that I am missing from strengthening my relationship with my girls. As much as Dan and I feel that we are being called to help youth, we are firstly called to be parents. I feel that I can do a better job at paying attention to the needs of my family. My girls and I will be in Auckland for ten days, I will take this opportunity to give them the attention I need to as their mum.
Dan, the boys and I are watching "Freedom Writers". This movie is a must see. The scene is about an english class of wannabe gangstas turned english enthusiasts listening to a woman who once took care of Anne Frank and her family. A student stood up and called the woman his hero. She replied "she is not a hero, but what she did was the right thing to do".....
Too often we try to take on too much and subconsciously try to be the 'hero' and before long we miss the opportunities we should focus our energies on. Focussing on Jesus is again my aim for this week. I talked to a young girl, new to our youth group today, about living a Christian life. I think people avoid because they think you have to be absolutely perfect straight away. But in reality we are only human, we are built with weaknesses. It's what we do with those weaknesses that determines our next steps. Just like walking with Jesus will help us to see things clearly. We can only try to live a good life and in that we will realise that we need to pass on the good news to others....that is....they can live a good life too.
Focus on Jesus.... xx
Here is the video to the song that touched my heart today...
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