What is more important ..to be their friend? or their mother?

With Mother's Day drawing near I'd thought I would write a blog about my experience of being a mum to my two gorgeous girls.

Often, I find myself struggling with walking the very fine line between being a "friend" to my girls, or being their mother.  Especially when it comes to situations where I clearly need to be their mother.  My girls are only 6 and 4 at the moment, and we have had many a heated conversation where I end up saying clearly that "I am not your friend, I am your mother".  As funny as that may sound when I reflect on the situations where I have had to say it to them, it is a really hard thing to say.  Of course every parent wants to get along with their children, but there will be a time where we need to show authority in our household and that authority should sit with the parents, not their children.  This doesn't mean that my girls do not have a voice (which they sure do! *remembers their shouting sessions in their bathroom*).

I try to keep my relationship with my girls very open and transparent.  As much as I want to give them what I thought was missing in my relationship with my own mum (and I say that lightly because perception can be a dangerous thing), I'm finding that I am a lot like my mum (and my dad).  There are a lot of life lessons that my mum has taught me that I am so appreciative now that I am older with my own family.  There was some sense in all the discipline and the loud (yellling) conversations that my mum and I shared.  I am forever grateful.

Growing up I used to envy the relationships that some of my friends had with their mothers (or my cousins with their mums).  Even now in my adulthood I see the same relationships around me, but with a different generation.  I see examples of mums being best friends, having the kind of relationship that provides little boundaries with their children.  Knowing everything and anything about what goes on in their lives but from the perspective of being their friend.  And then you have on the extreme end some who are the utmost disciplinarian, where there is total control over what their children do and who they hang out with, and yet they know nothing about what goes on in their children's lives.

There is a balance between being their friend and their mum.  But most importantly, I need to find what works for me and my girls.    We seem to be doing okay so far :).  There are times where I feel disconnected when I think about running the household, going to work, studying, serving at church.  With everything on, meeting my girls' emotional needs is probably one of the last things on my list.  I say emotional needs, because often we tend to think that by taking care of their wellbeing etc we think that everything is okay.  But I am thankful that my girls are strong and confident enough to let me and Dan know that at times all they need from us is to sit down and talk about our day etc.

Teaching our girls about consequences has been quite hard at this age, and yet it really isn't any different from when we talk with our youth.  The difference between the two is that our girls have not quite developed the habits the teenagers do which makes it harder for them to change.  I constantly have to tell myself that I need to keep repeating myself so that my girls hear what I am saying, and then as they grow the repetitiveness will (hoping) reduce :).

I liken my role as a mother to that of being a leader to our youth.  Not so much as being a mother to these youth, because they already have a great mum.  But it is similar in sharing that fine line between being their "friend" and being a figure that provides leadership/direction.  As often as we do spend time with our youth, there are situations where we need to wear our youth leaders' hat.  There have been times where it has been difficult for me as a female being excluded from discussion among the girls, but at the same time I need to put on my leaders hat as there are situations that they seek advice/guidance.  In my years of sharing the leadership role with my husband, we have worked with a diverse group of youth.  It is interesting to see so many similarities and yet huge differences between all the youth we have taken care of.  As challenging as it has been to lead youth, it is largely rewarding.  I suppose reflecting on Jesus' time and the challenges he faced in delivering his message.  He was liked by the masses of people, and hated by only a few.  But those few people never stopped him from doing what he needed to do and that was to share the great news that our God is an Almighty God!

I am looking forward to our Mother's Day service tomorrow.  It may be a wet day, but it will be raining blessings over our service tomorrow!!  I am going to really seek for some guidance on how I can improve myself as a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a Leader!

I pray that all mother's feel loved and appreciated this weekend...xx