So I am finally feeling better and my face no longer looks like it morphed into one of the Fraggle Rock cast! I am now optimistic about really taking care of myself. I've been off work for 3 days and it feels like a lifetime already. Again another opportunity to realise the benefits of taking care of myself and my family and my career taking a backseat for now. I asked my husband whether I was being selfish for working and he basically put me in my spot and told me that there is no compromise when it comes to my health. It's not a matter of IF I'll stay home but WHEN I'll stay home I will take care of myself. Love having a husband that knows me completely and says what I need to hear, and thankful for having a heart to hear it as that.
So I've headed this post as "Breaking old habits", I recently was faced with the opportunity to confront an issue that had tormented me while growing up. Succumbed to bullying by "friends" at school and teasing by family I never quite saw the humour in teasing/bullying someone about their inadequacies. I have come to the realisation that at times we really do say things to or about others to make ourselves feel better or to feel superior to the other, to have some sort of power. I am glad that I had the courage to let this person know, but keeping in mind that what I was about to say to this person, is it going to build the relationship or break it? My confrontation was to break the old habits of others bullying/teasing or even to break the habit that I have put up with it, and yet stored anger/hurt in my heart when I needed to do something about it. I really believe through my life experience that if something bothers me to the point that I have had to get a 2nd or 3rd opinion then I need to do something more to resolve the matter.
I am trying my best to always keep myself in check, to walk the talk. It can be hard sometimes, don't get me wrong. I am no angel, but a human who makes mistakes. But i am learning to do my best. I pray that there are more opportunities to confront past demons and set things straight in the hope that relationships are restored and if not, then I am thankful all the same.
A couple of days ago, we had family over and my eldest was looking for something to do. My youngest sister-in-law who is an aspiring singer-songwriter was jamming away on the guitar. I told my girl to write a song with her aunty. This lead onto an opportunity for me to cross something out on my "bucket list". So a bucket list, is a list of things to do before you "kick the bucket". Basically before you die. One of the things on my list has been to write a song. My sister had already come up with the music, and so the rest is history :). I wrote the lyrics to my first song with the help of His Holy Spirit. The lyrics talked about realising how wonderful our God is, that he is eternally watching over us. Even when we turn away from Him, He continues to love us purely and unconditionally. We sang this today at our evening service as I testified about the goodness that God continues to do in my life.
So the next chapter in my life hopefully starts in a few weeks. I am looking forward to the time off to really take care of myself. I'm going to start a separate blog soon, to document my journey to finding the "real me".
Our services today was awesome. I was given some bad news this morning before service started. It was news that one would not wish to hear about their family, but the worship today helped pull me through. Trusting completely in God that He knows what is right for us. Relying on Him completely in all our situations.
I was just looking up a song that we sang in Worship today, and came across this song that Dan sings during worship. I love this song because it really is heartfelt. I hope that this song ministers to you as it does to me.
"Please come down to me" - The Crabb Family
My encouragement to help you through the week is really to trust in the Lord to help you in any situation you have before you, and to have the courage to confront those that hurt you with the purpose to rebuild your relationship or to accept that their are differences.
I look forward to what my good God has prepared for me this week.... xx
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
What's happening to me??
So I'm sitting at my dining room table having lunch before I nap for the rest of the day. Why am I at home and not at work? I now, for the 3rd week in a row, have a swollen lip due to some infection I have. I am on the edge of sanity with all these infections that I keep getting. I asked my doctor if there is anything that I'm doing wrong...and simply put "No, it's not your fault it's a run of bad luck"...argh!!!
A couple of blogs ago I talked about making a decision in my life that was going to set me on a new path. As it turns out my good God is making way for me to have some time off to take care of my health and still keep my job...I am so blessed....
I am so frustrated right now with my health that I feel it really puts a hold on a lot of things that I need to do. My husband has been so loving and has been caring for me while taking care of our girls and just allowing me to rest. I'm sitting with pain shooting from my lip, trying to put some food into my tummy, and it's a beautiful day in the Capital and a great day to hang washing. So many things to do...but all that goes through my mind is that God has saved me from a life-threatening illness and I can't take care of myself...even with my swollen lip (previous two weeks I've had hideous stys that has kept me indoors) I'm thinking more about the things I need to do for my family, my church, my work...it's never ending...
On that note :P....I taught Sunday School to the congregation on Sunday. I am thankful that I was given the opportunity to do so and Praise god that His message was received well. I spoke from 1 Samuel 3 which is commonly known for a young boy being called by God. As I studied through the scripture, the message that was revealed to me was more about the importance of God's message for you and me, and what we would do with that message.
We understand that Samuel was a very special boy in that his mother Hanna had prayed for a child for a long time and God heard her prayers and saw her tears. Hanna made a promise to God that if he blessed her with a son she would dedicate him to God for answering her prayers. Just as Hanna had asked God blessed her with a son, Samuel. Just as Hanna had promised she dedicated Samuel to God who then went to live with Eli as soon as he was weaned. So if you can imagine a young boy at the age of maybe around 5 - 6 living and serving God with the prophet Eli.
My points were about the following:
- You have the Authority to Minister
From the time Samuel was weaned he ministered for the Lord under Eli. He did not know the Word nor come to know about God however because of his obedience to Eli he served still. No matter what stage we are in life at whether we know God or not, we have it built into our beings that we minister to others about God. From the time you accept Jesus as your Saviour or dedicate your life to serve or even declare that you are a believer, you are given the authority to share with others your belief in our Almighty God.
- Are you available?
The Lord called to Samuel 3 times and each time Samuel had answered "Here I am". When we are being called we often answer with "I'm coming"..and then don't move for another 5 mins, or "I'll call them back"...when God calls you ...you move. Samuel got up and ran. I know at the moment when it comes to serving my family, my body moves very slowly but for God and everyone else I'm quick as lightening :). I really need to let my family know that I am available for them and more so for myself!!!
- Be still
When Samuel heard the Lord's voice he was lying down after a long day of serving. Have you ever just laid awake at night? You'd be amazed at the smallest sound you can hear. Going through our day-to-day business there is so much going on that it's difficult to hear even our own voices. Samuel shows us that we need to be still to hear God's voice. Personally, my mind is filled with so many things I need to do that it is difficult to get myself to rest...and as I do begin to wind down..all I think about is...God is giving me the opportunity to rest....why am I not taking it???
- God Uses Others
When Samuel heard a voice calling out to him in the night he thought it was Eli so he ran to him. After a few times Eli realised that it was the Lord calling out to Samuel. He then instructed Samuel that when he heard the voice again to answer "Speak Lord, your servant is listening".
When God has a message that you need to hear He will find other ways of reaching you. He will use others to help you hear His message for you, just as he used Eli to speak to Samuel. We are asked many times by our youth about how one will know when it is God talking to them. I cannot know entirely but I can say that God speaks clearly to you in black and white in His word. I know when God is speaking to me in my situation when it feels right in my heart. I feel at peace with a decision that I am to make. A decision that is guided by God.
- Listen for your message
God had a very important message to share with Samuel about Eli. The kind of message that could destroy Eli and his faith in God if it was received the way it was intended. You will receive a message about your situation from God that will not be one that you want to hear. But your faith in His message and that God knows what is right for you, will help you to be content and find peace.
- What will you do with your message
Eli asked Samuel to share with him what God had told Samuel. Samuel was afraid to but he told Eli everything that God had said. I know and believe through my life experiences that there the truth will set you free. Despite hearing what danger was going to surround Eli's sons he remained faithful that God knew what He was doing. It is difficult for us to swallow bad news that would have such a negative effect on our families but if it is something that will set our paths straight, we rely on faith that God knows what He is doing.
God has a special message that has been waiting to impart to you for some time now. Only you will know and feel in your heart what that message will be. It may be something to rebuild your life or that of another. What will you do with your message? A lot of us would have held onto our fear and not shared the message that Samuel did. Again I emphasise that having faith in believing that God knows what is right for us, that everything will turn out okay.
I'm sitting here with a swollen face and talking to my husband about why my body is so run down and being hit physically. I can see in his eyes that he feels so helpless and that he is doing everything he can to help me feel comfortable. I honestly feel like performing plastic surgery home-job styles on my lip and just cut out the infection!!!...But for now it is pain that I need to endure to get into my thick skull that I need a break!!! I have faith that my break is coming very soon.....
xxxx
A couple of blogs ago I talked about making a decision in my life that was going to set me on a new path. As it turns out my good God is making way for me to have some time off to take care of my health and still keep my job...I am so blessed....
I am so frustrated right now with my health that I feel it really puts a hold on a lot of things that I need to do. My husband has been so loving and has been caring for me while taking care of our girls and just allowing me to rest. I'm sitting with pain shooting from my lip, trying to put some food into my tummy, and it's a beautiful day in the Capital and a great day to hang washing. So many things to do...but all that goes through my mind is that God has saved me from a life-threatening illness and I can't take care of myself...even with my swollen lip (previous two weeks I've had hideous stys that has kept me indoors) I'm thinking more about the things I need to do for my family, my church, my work...it's never ending...
On that note :P....I taught Sunday School to the congregation on Sunday. I am thankful that I was given the opportunity to do so and Praise god that His message was received well. I spoke from 1 Samuel 3 which is commonly known for a young boy being called by God. As I studied through the scripture, the message that was revealed to me was more about the importance of God's message for you and me, and what we would do with that message.
We understand that Samuel was a very special boy in that his mother Hanna had prayed for a child for a long time and God heard her prayers and saw her tears. Hanna made a promise to God that if he blessed her with a son she would dedicate him to God for answering her prayers. Just as Hanna had asked God blessed her with a son, Samuel. Just as Hanna had promised she dedicated Samuel to God who then went to live with Eli as soon as he was weaned. So if you can imagine a young boy at the age of maybe around 5 - 6 living and serving God with the prophet Eli.
My points were about the following:
- You have the Authority to Minister
From the time Samuel was weaned he ministered for the Lord under Eli. He did not know the Word nor come to know about God however because of his obedience to Eli he served still. No matter what stage we are in life at whether we know God or not, we have it built into our beings that we minister to others about God. From the time you accept Jesus as your Saviour or dedicate your life to serve or even declare that you are a believer, you are given the authority to share with others your belief in our Almighty God.
- Are you available?
The Lord called to Samuel 3 times and each time Samuel had answered "Here I am". When we are being called we often answer with "I'm coming"..and then don't move for another 5 mins, or "I'll call them back"...when God calls you ...you move. Samuel got up and ran. I know at the moment when it comes to serving my family, my body moves very slowly but for God and everyone else I'm quick as lightening :). I really need to let my family know that I am available for them and more so for myself!!!
- Be still
When Samuel heard the Lord's voice he was lying down after a long day of serving. Have you ever just laid awake at night? You'd be amazed at the smallest sound you can hear. Going through our day-to-day business there is so much going on that it's difficult to hear even our own voices. Samuel shows us that we need to be still to hear God's voice. Personally, my mind is filled with so many things I need to do that it is difficult to get myself to rest...and as I do begin to wind down..all I think about is...God is giving me the opportunity to rest....why am I not taking it???
- God Uses Others
When Samuel heard a voice calling out to him in the night he thought it was Eli so he ran to him. After a few times Eli realised that it was the Lord calling out to Samuel. He then instructed Samuel that when he heard the voice again to answer "Speak Lord, your servant is listening".
When God has a message that you need to hear He will find other ways of reaching you. He will use others to help you hear His message for you, just as he used Eli to speak to Samuel. We are asked many times by our youth about how one will know when it is God talking to them. I cannot know entirely but I can say that God speaks clearly to you in black and white in His word. I know when God is speaking to me in my situation when it feels right in my heart. I feel at peace with a decision that I am to make. A decision that is guided by God.
- Listen for your message
God had a very important message to share with Samuel about Eli. The kind of message that could destroy Eli and his faith in God if it was received the way it was intended. You will receive a message about your situation from God that will not be one that you want to hear. But your faith in His message and that God knows what is right for you, will help you to be content and find peace.
- What will you do with your message
Eli asked Samuel to share with him what God had told Samuel. Samuel was afraid to but he told Eli everything that God had said. I know and believe through my life experiences that there the truth will set you free. Despite hearing what danger was going to surround Eli's sons he remained faithful that God knew what He was doing. It is difficult for us to swallow bad news that would have such a negative effect on our families but if it is something that will set our paths straight, we rely on faith that God knows what He is doing.
God has a special message that has been waiting to impart to you for some time now. Only you will know and feel in your heart what that message will be. It may be something to rebuild your life or that of another. What will you do with your message? A lot of us would have held onto our fear and not shared the message that Samuel did. Again I emphasise that having faith in believing that God knows what is right for us, that everything will turn out okay.
I'm sitting here with a swollen face and talking to my husband about why my body is so run down and being hit physically. I can see in his eyes that he feels so helpless and that he is doing everything he can to help me feel comfortable. I honestly feel like performing plastic surgery home-job styles on my lip and just cut out the infection!!!...But for now it is pain that I need to endure to get into my thick skull that I need a break!!! I have faith that my break is coming very soon.....
xxxx
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
We will Remember the Works of Your Hands
"We will remember
We will remember
We will remember the works of Your hands
We will stop
and give you praise
for great is thy faithfulness"
"We will remember" by Tommy Walker
With the decision that my family and I have made that will begin a new chapter in my life, I listen to this song and am reminded of the great things that God has done for me. In all that we do we often forget the most important things in our lives and in our busyness we forget to be thankful. To give thanks and give praise.
In the midst of what I'm going through physically and spiritually, I can see the works of God's hands in my life. Even as a family, only a few days ago we agreed on what I will do going forward, and when I am presented with the opportunity to be open about our decision, God continues to move in His ways. And I am sooo truly thankful, of the blessings that He gives me. He knows that I need rest, and it is not until I admit that I do He blesses me in my decisions.
You know God does have a great plan for us, but He leaves it up to us to make the decisions in our lives. We have a choice and in those choices, God can tell when we really mean it. I made a decision with my family but at the back of my mind I want for something else...and today again God is giving me the opportunity to have both!!! I am so thankful!!!
So now with things out in the open, I will wait patiently for what God will make right for me. But in the time that I wait, I will starting getting myself right physically!!!
I love the scripture Psalm 139 where David writes about how God knows us completely. He knows me completely. Of everyone that has come and gone in my life, there is only one constant that knows me completely and that is my God. He knows exactly what I am about to say before I even say it and yet I am given the choice to say things. I am so blessed.
In the way that God has created me, I compare it to a mechanic building a car from scratch. Only He will know where every bolt, screw, technical gadget that will go into the car for it to work to its full capacity. When the car doesn't work, he knows exactly what is wrong with it. Why? because he put it together. He will know the best pieces that need to go into the car that he is building. Every car is unique so you won't see the mechanic putting pieces from a mitsubishi into a lexus. It won't work. Just as we are uniquely made, God pieced together specific talents, skills, traits that make us who we are.
He is so wonderful. I am so blessed for the life that he has given me. I am thankful that at 33 despite going through a life-threatening experience that I did last year, it does not sway my heart nor my mind from what I feel I am being called to do. What that will be exactly, I don't know. But I will know when I get there. And so far, I know that I am on my way.....
xx
We will remember
We will remember the works of Your hands
We will stop
and give you praise
for great is thy faithfulness"
"We will remember" by Tommy Walker
With the decision that my family and I have made that will begin a new chapter in my life, I listen to this song and am reminded of the great things that God has done for me. In all that we do we often forget the most important things in our lives and in our busyness we forget to be thankful. To give thanks and give praise.
In the midst of what I'm going through physically and spiritually, I can see the works of God's hands in my life. Even as a family, only a few days ago we agreed on what I will do going forward, and when I am presented with the opportunity to be open about our decision, God continues to move in His ways. And I am sooo truly thankful, of the blessings that He gives me. He knows that I need rest, and it is not until I admit that I do He blesses me in my decisions.
You know God does have a great plan for us, but He leaves it up to us to make the decisions in our lives. We have a choice and in those choices, God can tell when we really mean it. I made a decision with my family but at the back of my mind I want for something else...and today again God is giving me the opportunity to have both!!! I am so thankful!!!
So now with things out in the open, I will wait patiently for what God will make right for me. But in the time that I wait, I will starting getting myself right physically!!!
I love the scripture Psalm 139 where David writes about how God knows us completely. He knows me completely. Of everyone that has come and gone in my life, there is only one constant that knows me completely and that is my God. He knows exactly what I am about to say before I even say it and yet I am given the choice to say things. I am so blessed.
In the way that God has created me, I compare it to a mechanic building a car from scratch. Only He will know where every bolt, screw, technical gadget that will go into the car for it to work to its full capacity. When the car doesn't work, he knows exactly what is wrong with it. Why? because he put it together. He will know the best pieces that need to go into the car that he is building. Every car is unique so you won't see the mechanic putting pieces from a mitsubishi into a lexus. It won't work. Just as we are uniquely made, God pieced together specific talents, skills, traits that make us who we are.
He is so wonderful. I am so blessed for the life that he has given me. I am thankful that at 33 despite going through a life-threatening experience that I did last year, it does not sway my heart nor my mind from what I feel I am being called to do. What that will be exactly, I don't know. But I will know when I get there. And so far, I know that I am on my way.....
xx
Thursday, June 30, 2011
When my situation challenges my perceptions of myself...
Since the life-threatening illness I had last year which I have since been cleared of in March, when I fall sick with something as simple as the flu...I fall hard!
I'm now into my first day staying home (but 2/3rd day feeling sick) and the left side of my face is swollen. It is weighing heavily on my mind that I have had to cancel on a few things this weekend. I hate disappointing people and not fulfilling what I set out to do for others. But I sit here with my temperature going up and down all day. Feeling cold, feeling hot, feeling drowsy. With a sore throat and red swollen face. What will it take for me to slow down?! What will it take for me to re-prioritise my life?! My health was priority for sometime last year, and how quickly it was for everything else to be placed above it as soon as I could start moving around and doing things again.
I love everything that I do in my life but it is so hard to pick and choose the things that I will need to give up either permanently or temporarily for the sake of my health! I have some big decisions to make, and though I have the support of my family it really is me that is holding me back! I need to lean more on my faith in that God will provide for me and my family!
I think my concern with leaving my career to be a stay-at-home mum is the thought of perhaps losing who I am. As working has been a big part of my life in supporting my parents back home and now my family. I know no other way than to contribute financially to family. I feel that motherhood comes naturally and is not a contribution but something that I just do. Now this is my own perspective and have total respect for those of my family and friends who are stay-at-home mothers. But I often think that it is something that I don't think I can do. Perhaps because I am thinking about how to juggle everything with work in my life. My loving husband has complete faith and confidence that we will be okay, but I don't seem to share the same vision..yet.
I googled some articles/blogs on the topic of career vs staying at home for christian mums. I love reading about how they rely so much on their faith. Now just having a conversation with my husband he has convinced me of the benefits for our family. So I am feeling better about what may lie ahead for me. We will sit down as a family and decide what the future will bring. God has done so much for me and I think it is time to start a new chapter in my life. My parents have always told me that they would never worry about me because they knew I would be okay. ....and I think I will be... :)
xx
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Give someone a bit of freedom...and what do they do?
I haven't blogged in a while because I've been trying ...(trying being the operative word) to study for my exam that was last Thursday and since then I've been relishing in my down time with having to do nothing. But like my title says...give me a little bit of freedom and you'll see me staying up late, playing facebook games for up to 4 hours straight! and now I have a sty developing and dry skin from lack of sleep...my body is absolutely worn out! Sheesh! I have to remember that I'm not young anymore and staying up so late can do damage to my body especially if I'm needed to save the world the next day...well for my girls anyway..with things like "Mum, where's my socks?" and "Mum, what do I do? WHAT CAN I DO? I can't go to sleep!"...argh! So now I am focussing on heading to bed before 10pm each night.
Over the weekend I've been sharing the message of forgiveness. I talked with my Sunday School class about the scripture (Genesis 45) that talks about Joseph forgiving his brothers for selling him off as a slave because they were jealous of their father's love for their brother. In that scripture I shared a few points that I picked up in the reading. The first being about acceptance. In revealing himself to his brothers (at this point over the Joseph had been removed from the prison he was held and became like a ruler living in the Pharaoh's house. His brothers had come to Egypt seeking to buy some grain as there was little food available at that time), Joseph had accepted that he was sold as a slave by his brothers. Personally I believe their is a process to forgiveness. The first step is acceptance (read the 7 steps of grief which comes before these steps - http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html). In order for Joseph to forgive his brothers fully he needed to accept what had happened to him. Accept his situation. Accept that at times the people we deal with are just the way they are. They come with a different sets of values, beliefs and habits. We can't go into relationship thinking that we can change them. That's not our job but God's. And over time that is exactly what God had done for Joseph's brothers. After selling their brother Joseph, the brothers had been stricken with so much guilt and seeing the pain their father had endured over the years from missing his son Joseph, they were presented with test (Joseph had planted a silver cup in their sacks to test his brothers if they had changed) and this time they fought for their youngest brother Benjamin.
An extension to this step is to understand that their is a reason, a plan for you and I. Joseph realised this also and assured his brothers that it was God's plan for him to go through what he did so that he would be a grow to be a stronger and wiser man. And he did, God moved him out of the prison and into the Pharaoh's house becoming the Pharaoh's trusted adviser. Now how is that for God's great plan for Joseph's life. I'm certain that if I were in the same position I would be questioning everything to try and understand why I would be sold as a slave and then end up in prison. But that is our problem at times, and God understands us being human (and flawed) that when we are so entrenched into a situation that we don't see beyond it. Our vision is blurred by what is happening in front of us that we don't see above the cloud of confusion and anger and frustration. I talked further to explain this about Jesus delivering his sermon on the mount. I likened our situation to what Jesus did. In order for him to deliver the messages he needed to move beyond the crowd and preach from the mount. At times...actually many times it is difficult for me to see beyond the current situation to be able to see and communicate more clearly.
The next step in this process is about forgiveness but an extension to that is the action to "seal the deal". When Joseph revealed himself to his brothers and told them he had forgiven them, he kissed each of his brothers and then hugged his brother Benjamin to whom he was closest to. I think about situations where we have forgiven people, but have we truly forgiven them? How will we react when we see them again? Will we be all smiles when we see them again, or will that feeling that is in the pit of our stomach find its way to the tip of our tongue where we just have to bring it all up again? For Joseph a true test of his forgiveness was his reaction when he saw his brothers again. As Benjamin was the closest to Joseph he paid more attention to him by giving him a hug. We forget that those we are closest to, in our process of forgiveness, needs to be given more attention without discounting the relationships that we have with others.
So in that scripture, I was reminded that I need to accept certain situations in my life with an understanding that there is a greater plan for me, and going through these situations will only make me stronger and wiser. Personally, I always remind myself about that when I forgive others, have I truly forgiven them?
There are some relationships that we must accept have run its course, and there are others that need a lot of work to keep the relationship going. We need to choose which of those relationships to run with and which of those we need to let go of.
Over the weekend I've been sharing the message of forgiveness. I talked with my Sunday School class about the scripture (Genesis 45) that talks about Joseph forgiving his brothers for selling him off as a slave because they were jealous of their father's love for their brother. In that scripture I shared a few points that I picked up in the reading. The first being about acceptance. In revealing himself to his brothers (at this point over the Joseph had been removed from the prison he was held and became like a ruler living in the Pharaoh's house. His brothers had come to Egypt seeking to buy some grain as there was little food available at that time), Joseph had accepted that he was sold as a slave by his brothers. Personally I believe their is a process to forgiveness. The first step is acceptance (read the 7 steps of grief which comes before these steps - http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html). In order for Joseph to forgive his brothers fully he needed to accept what had happened to him. Accept his situation. Accept that at times the people we deal with are just the way they are. They come with a different sets of values, beliefs and habits. We can't go into relationship thinking that we can change them. That's not our job but God's. And over time that is exactly what God had done for Joseph's brothers. After selling their brother Joseph, the brothers had been stricken with so much guilt and seeing the pain their father had endured over the years from missing his son Joseph, they were presented with test (Joseph had planted a silver cup in their sacks to test his brothers if they had changed) and this time they fought for their youngest brother Benjamin.
An extension to this step is to understand that their is a reason, a plan for you and I. Joseph realised this also and assured his brothers that it was God's plan for him to go through what he did so that he would be a grow to be a stronger and wiser man. And he did, God moved him out of the prison and into the Pharaoh's house becoming the Pharaoh's trusted adviser. Now how is that for God's great plan for Joseph's life. I'm certain that if I were in the same position I would be questioning everything to try and understand why I would be sold as a slave and then end up in prison. But that is our problem at times, and God understands us being human (and flawed) that when we are so entrenched into a situation that we don't see beyond it. Our vision is blurred by what is happening in front of us that we don't see above the cloud of confusion and anger and frustration. I talked further to explain this about Jesus delivering his sermon on the mount. I likened our situation to what Jesus did. In order for him to deliver the messages he needed to move beyond the crowd and preach from the mount. At times...actually many times it is difficult for me to see beyond the current situation to be able to see and communicate more clearly.
The next step in this process is about forgiveness but an extension to that is the action to "seal the deal". When Joseph revealed himself to his brothers and told them he had forgiven them, he kissed each of his brothers and then hugged his brother Benjamin to whom he was closest to. I think about situations where we have forgiven people, but have we truly forgiven them? How will we react when we see them again? Will we be all smiles when we see them again, or will that feeling that is in the pit of our stomach find its way to the tip of our tongue where we just have to bring it all up again? For Joseph a true test of his forgiveness was his reaction when he saw his brothers again. As Benjamin was the closest to Joseph he paid more attention to him by giving him a hug. We forget that those we are closest to, in our process of forgiveness, needs to be given more attention without discounting the relationships that we have with others.
So in that scripture, I was reminded that I need to accept certain situations in my life with an understanding that there is a greater plan for me, and going through these situations will only make me stronger and wiser. Personally, I always remind myself about that when I forgive others, have I truly forgiven them?
There are some relationships that we must accept have run its course, and there are others that need a lot of work to keep the relationship going. We need to choose which of those relationships to run with and which of those we need to let go of.
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