In ALL your ways....

Yesterday was another good day.  Took my youngest into school for her first visit.  She did so well.  I had to distract myself to keep my tears from welling up in thine eye :)  My girl is going to be fine :)  I am believing with every experience I go through in this life that as it is a journey or an experience for one to become independent, to start a new life, it is a journey for another to learn to let you go and let you be.  As a wedding is a big experience for anyone, if I could turn back time, I would spend more time with my mum and thank her for all that she has prepared for ...in that moment.  Since that day, in understanding that it is a journey for two sets of people, first - the person going through the journey, second - the parent/partner learning to let go..it is a journey for them also.  This understanding is helping me to be patient and more understanding.  I am thankful.

Before last night's upset :( in the Samoa Vs South Africa game (my brother plays for Samoa so the loss was a personal hit too)....we had our church service.  Last night's word was to some a conviction and a reminder of what Jesus did for us, but for me I felt happy and joyful in the moment.  With this journey I am going through, I don't feel that I need to cry out to ask for help because I know that my good Lord is with me all the time.  He is not a "Sunday only" God to me, he is my every day God.  I am seeing the fruits of my journey not only in the physical sense, but spiritual.  My husband said to me the other night that I'm different.  I am really happy.  That made me feel good because I do.  I do feel happy.  I finally feel like I can enjoy life because my change is not for anyone else.  It is for me and for my purpose to serve God as long as I can in this life.  I think some would be too afraid to listen to the Word/Sermon at church because they are afraid of what they might hear.  So some would either not turn up at all or if with their little ones, use them as a distraction..."oops gotta change a nappy" or "baby's hungry.  Gotta feed them".  No matter how hard you try to avoid it, the message will come to you in some way or form.  Our decisions are driven so much by our emotions that it could lead us to not ever trying something.  I am such an emotional person, probably more so that most.  I used to hide my tears from people to avoid being teased (especially in movies) but I've accepted, this is the way I am made.  My tears are an expression of how something has touched me whether it be out of sympathy, anger, passion.  This is me. :)  Because I have accepted the way I am, I am learning to create ways to dealing with things and learning to work around the emotion so that I can still achieve the desires result whether it be disciplining my children, discussing household matters with my budget-tight husband or delivering a testimony to my church about how good my God is to me.  There is a way....God can make a way.

The main message I got from last night which I felt aligned to what I'm going through at the moment was Proverbs 3: 6 NIV "In ALL your ways acknowledge Him, and He will set your paths straight".  I like this, because this is the exact change I am trying to have.  Changing ALL areas of my life.  I think a change is effective when you address each area that needs to be improved.  I am enjoying giving myself alternate days to improve things i.e. Exercise one day, Spiritual the next...Whether you believe in God or not, we are built to believe in something.  Believing in a higher power.  My higher power has a name ....God.  He has done so much good to me how can I not continue looking to Him for help.

This weekend is the 11th anniversary of becoming a born again Christian and meeting my husband :).. .11 years sounds like such a long time for some but honestly it feels as quick as taking a breathe, and all that I really remember...that I choose to remember is the goodness that God has done for me.  There is a reason why it is called the PAST.  It is a moment GONE BY and yet so many of us keep making the PAST our PRESENT AND OUR FUTURE.  With every passing second, minute, hour etc we improve on that time gone by.  We move on.  We move forward.  I am thankful that I am fully aware now of how that time is spent.  Yes there are still habits.  I am not perfect :)....but self awareness is there...next is ACTION!....I am determined today to improve on that last second, minute, hour spent.

I am heading to Auckland next week for two weeks.  There is no internet connection at my parent's place, which at times is a relief :), but with my journey to improve my temple, I am determined to keep my blog going (spiritual journey) and will walk to the library every day to make a new post.  That will be an hour walk every morning! I am excited because I know I can do it.  If I could walk to college every day back then...I can still do it now :)

In ALL my ways I will acknowledge Him because He gives me the strength to do ALL THINGS!!! xxxx

Action, Action, Action...

So I did well yesterday apart from a new favourite cracker that is slowly creeping up on me...but I've nipped it in the butt and am no longer munching away mindlessly at it!  Mira and I carry our bottles around, eat before we head out to the mall, and take our snacks with us to avoid any spending and unhealthy eating.  I love the fact that my family are supporting me with this, but see it as a benefit for them too.  I tried out my protein meal supplement last night instead of dinner, and it was great.

I tried out our UFC Personal Trainer Kinect game and that was pretty hard.  It's such a smack in the face when I can see my figure on the t.v.  But I'm saying goodbye to that image with each bit of sweat that drips from this "temporary" shell.  I'm heading up to Auckland for a couple of weeks and looking forward to having some one on one time with my brother helping me out.  That will be my opportunity to kick it up a notch.  Posting up the image of my dress made me realise that I don't have long to go, to fit into it.  I'm hoping to wear this beauty in December.  So that's 12 weeks away!!!....time to kick it up a notch NOW I THINK!

Now that I've got the meals sorted, I need to organise my time properly to exercise.  Though I would love to workout late at night unfortunately my sleeping patterns are really bad that I won't be asleep until after midnight.   I think I need to I am going to set out a schedule and try and stick to it week by week.

I headed this post Action, Action, Action because I know that's what I need to keep doing.  Keep moving.  Keeping bringing my words to life.  In every aspect of my life, not just the physical.  I need to be true in my relationships with my family.  Since things have improved in my relationships with my girls especially my eldest, I had to deal with her tanties yesterday, but I am glad I dealt with it better.  I tried to reason with her and not shout at her.  I was careful of the words that I used.  I kept my composure.  I am happy that I am making a change!  I am refining my spirit!

I love that.."Refining" my spirit.  I imagined polishing an old silver teapot.  You keep rubbing away the dirt (the unnecessary things in life) until you can see your reflection again...see His reflection in you.

My little one visited the dentist yesterday and had her first filling put in.  Luckily it was only a minor filling and that Mira was so well behaved.  She is such a strong little girl.  She just told me that her dad gave her a lolly (no surprise there) when she wasn't supposed to.  I told my little 4 turning 5 year old that she has the responsibility to take care of her self too.  She cannot rely on other people knowing what she can or can't have because of her tooth and her skin condition.  I also told her that she needed to say something to take care of herself.  When I say these things to my girls, I know I am saying this to myself also.  I am glad that my spirit is in my place where I can hear my own advice.  But like my post is headed..Action, Action, Action.  I need to act on having the responsibility, the authority (as yesterday's post said) to take care of myself.  To love myself enough to give it a try.

I have the RESPONSIBILITY, I have the AUTHORITY.....to give myself another CHANCE! xxxxx

Feeling Inspired...

It's such a beautiful morning, following an awesome day yesterday.  What made my day was hearing my four year old say to me while at the park, that she was having fun and that she wanted to help her mummy do some exercise because she knew that mummy is trying to be healthy.

My family life at the moment is going really good.  The only area with no real effort is my school work, but I'm not fussed right now. I was talking with my husband as we did the dishes together (something we enjoy doing because it gives us a chance to talk :)), and he asked me about my school work.  Normally I would get annoyed with him asking me, fully aware that my feelings are really targeted towards me, kicking myself for procrastinating but instead I answered differently.  I know my inner spirit is changing.  I'm mindful of how I react to things.  I still have a long journey ahead, but I'm taking each day as it comes.

So I'm sitting here thinking about what my new focus for today will be.  I've been watching a lot of Crossfit exercises and doing some research on the fitness craze.  It's intense but again it's something different, like I hadn't tried everything else under the sun (she says with a hula hoop under her bed and remembers the hula hoop dvd in her drawer).  I like the name Crossfit....it reminds me to be fit in Christ (Cross)....being fit spiritually and taking care of my temple.  Love myself enough to try....

To help keep me motivated I've updated my fitness list/rewards in the previous post in red.  I've also hung my "goal" dress on my wall so that I can see it every day.  I visualise myself wearing it...and that it's LOOSE :)...Without Vision we cannot achieve our goals, we have no purpose....

Awesome encouragement today from "The Word for Today" about having the authority to overcome the enemy.  My enemy thus far in my journey, is my lack of exercise, battling my eating habits, tantrums, stresses that come into my house.....carrying on with the encouragement I received on the weekend...the BATTLE IS NOT MINE BUT HIS!...He has given me the Authority to make changes in my life...positive changes...changes that will send ripples of GREATNESS through my children, my husband, my family, my friends...to anyone I meet....

Love it!!! xxxxxx


USE YOUR AUTHORITY
'I have given you authority...to overcome...the enemy...' Luke 10:19 NIV

Has Satan singled you out for attack? Are you wondering, 'Why would he even bother with someone like me?' The answer is - influence. Job's influence was a constant irritant to Satan. One day God said to Satan, 'Have you considered My servant Job, that there is none like him' (Job 1:8 NKJV)? Shortly after that conversation Satan attacked Job's health, his children, his marriage and his business.

You can't get God's attention without getting Satan's too! Whatever glorifies God, enrages our enemy. But you have the power to overcome him. Jesus said, 'I saw Satan fall like lightning from Heaven. I have given you authority...to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you' (Luke 10:18-19 NIV). Notice, you haven't been called to defeat Satan; Jesus already did that 2000 years ago. You have been called to enforce His defeat each day. Jesus already disarmed and made a public spectacle of him at the cross (Colossians 2:15). When General MacArthur met the Supreme Commander of the Japanese forces at the end of World War II, he took the sword out of his hand, declared victory and enforced the terms of unconditional surrender.

And that's what Jesus did for you at the cross. When He died and rose again He stripped the devil of his power and declared, '...All [power] in Heaven and on earth has been given to Me. Therefore go...' (Matthew 28:18-19 NIV). Go in His power. Go in His strength. Go in His name. He has given you authority over the enemy - use it.

New Week...New Perspective...

So a new week starts this week.  First week down and I have lost 1.7kgs! :) Yesterday went well.  Exercised with Mira playing Dance Central and Kinect Sports :).  So that took us about an hour, but definitely alot of leg and arm action :).  I stayed active and that's the main thing.  Though I am going to do more this week.  Meals have gone well and am drinking plenty of water.  I love preparing every meal now.  Dan is really appreciating a home cooked meal and really looks happy to be home to try something new.  Something for me to learn here is to accept his compliments with a cheerful heart rather than a.."yeah okay lets eat now" :P

I talked about in previous posts about my relationship with my girls.  I can say that there is improvement there.  I am dealing with their little tanties a lot better and feel more at ease.  Because the yelling and screaming and angry looks are slowly moving out of this household my girls are getting along better too :)  I feel that I'm giving them more of my time now.  My eldest seems really cheerful now :)  So all in all things are going well in the home front.

I'm feeling more at peace now.  There are still the little stresses e.g. my school work but I feel I'm in a better place mentally to deal with it all.  Before making a decision about food, activities etc I tell myself "Love yourself enough to try..." over and over in my head.  And it works.  I no longer reach for junk.  I no longer sit down on the computer for hours on end.  Learning to love yourself is exhausting.  But then again, wouldn't you do anything to help someone you truly love?  I'm trying to loosen up a little also.  Not putting so much pressure on myself.  Taking things a little easier and trying to enjoy life.  I am truly beginning to see that now.

I've decided to create a new "bucket list" for the Healthier Me to keep me motivated :)


Fitness list

1. Walking up my street (very very steep hill)
2. Walking up the Stokes Valley stairs non-stop
3. After losing 15kg - walk up Wainuiomata Hill
4. After losing 30kg - walk up mount in Porirua
5. Rock climbing
6. Join a touch team in the summer
7. Join a basketball team

Feel good list

1. 5kg loss reward - Go to a Hot Spa :)
2. 10kg loss reward - Go to a Hot Spa again :)
3. 15kg loss reward - New shoes
4. 20kg loss reward - Full body massage
5. 25kg loss reward - New clothes ;)
6. 30kg loss reward - 
7. 35kg loss reward - Weekend away with my family
8. 40kg loss reward - Girls night...Time to cleanse the spirit :)
9. 45kg loss reward - Fit into my new size 16 summer dress
10. 50kg loss reward - New Graduation outfit
11. 55kg loss reward -  Fit into my size 14 summer top I bought years ago when I did Weight Watchers but gave up just before I could fit into it.
12. 60kg loss reward - Make over and "first date" with my handsome husband....who will surprise me with a trip to the Greek Islands (I hope he reads this lol)

If you have any ideas of what I can do to reward myself on my Feel good list or even suggestions for my Fitness list then leave me a comment :)

Love today's encouragement from "The Word for Today".  This is fitting given that yesterday's post was about this journey is not my battle to fight but His!!!! xxx

LET THE REFINER DO HIS WORK


'He will sit as a refiner...of silver...' Malachi 3:3 NIVIt's hard watching someone you love going through the refiner's fire, but it's the only way to get pure silver. It's hard watching the refiner turn up the heat until all the scum on the bottom rises, every impurity is removed, and He finally sees His face reflected on the surface. But only then is the work complete. And that's God's goal for each of us.


When we pray, 'Make me more like Jesus,' we're asking the Holy Spirit to do a work in us. Usually we don't change until the pain of staying the same becomes unbearable. For most of us, knowledge is not the bridge to growth - pain is. No matter how much you love someone, don't try to rescue them from God's dealings. The worst thing you could have done for the Prodigal Son was go down to the pigsty, clean it up and make it comfortable for him. That's called 'enabling'. Let the refiner do His work! For much of his life Jacob didn't think he needed God. He'd probably have told you, 'I'm doing just fine, thank you!' But the time came when he had to go home, stand before his father and face the wrath of his brother Esau whom he'd wronged. And that's when he became willing to wrestle with God and say, '...I will not let you go unless you bless me' (Genesis 32:26 NIV).


Change usually comes when it hurts so much that you have to change, when you learn so much that you want to change, and when you receive so much that you welcome change.

Love it!!! xxx

Not MY Battle!....

I've just returned from a weekend quickie trip in Auckland to support the good 'ol Blue and Red of Samoa!  What an awesome weekend I've had.  Just feel really blessed.

We arrived 6am Saturday morning after a ten hour bus trip up the north island.  It wasn't the greatest trip but I won't complain too much for it was so cheap!

Had breakfast while waiting for my brother to arrive.  Quiche and Green tea :) hmmmm...filling.  Good start to the weekend.  Stopped into the olds to give them a Hi 5 that we had arrived safely :).  Spent the morning picking up Trade me items, our tickets to the Samoa Vs Fiji game on Sunday and lunch with family.  It's so great to be around family.  I did well not to indulge during lunch as I am a huge sucker for corned beef and spaghetti.  And I did well! I packed my own tea and crackers for the trip :).

Saturday night we hung out with the olds, but Sunday morning...Wow! Now that was a real blessing.  We checked out the new City Impact Church opposite Sylvia Park in Mt Wellington.  They have a really nice set up.  The service was simple.  I really enjoyed the word that day and really spoke to my situation.  So awesome.  Firstly it was mentioned during an encouragement about the battle not being ours.  The Battle is for God to conquer.  We go through life fighting these battles, these demons and we get so exhausted mentally, physically and spiritually.  But all the while, the battle was never really ours to fight in the first place.  There is a reason why we bring our problems to the cross.  Jesus was sent to this earth so that our sins are forgiven.  As He died on the cross He said "It is finished".  In any situation we go through "It (the situation/our battle) is finished"...but we allow society, negative influences, people in our lives to tell us otherwise.  I thought about this encouragement and could not refrain from nodding in agreement that my battle of obesity, of low self esteem, my struggles in my relationships is not a battle for me to fight...but for God to fight, for Jesus to fight on my behalf.  I felt an instant release, a burden lifted from my shoulders as I imagined passing/handing my burdens to God and watching the torments, the taunting move from me to Him.  I was and am so thankful!!!

The Word spoke to me and reminded me of how great and powerful our God is and that greatness lives within me.  It is my sin that separates me from ever really appreciating or understanding that greatness and I shield it from people because of my battles/situations.  People around me, whether they are family, friends or strangers will never really come to know the greatness within me when I allow myself to feel that I am not worthy, that I become self conscious about my "temple".  I feel that I know what God's plan is for me, but each moment that I begin to doubt myself, the light of my God within me flickers and dims.  There is a power, a light within the depths of my soul that drives me to do what my heart desires and that is to serve God.  Serving God is not only the tangible things that I do for people and for church.  It is the intangible things that are just as important.  It is in the unconditional love for my family and friends.  The forgiveness and peace in my heart to love once again where bridges are burnt.  I am glad that I had decided to have alternate days to exercise physically and spiritually.  This is going to be a great journey.

So I'm heading back to Auckland with my family for two weeks and I look forward to heading back to City Impact Church.  I am now enjoying my journey to really changing ME!  I had a great catchup with my youngest brother Ben who also gave me some encouragement so his support is appreciated as is the support I get from everyone!

So I hope that with this post you are reminded that within you (whether you believe it or not) there is a Greatness.  Where there is no comparison!  Your battle is no longer yours but His.  Once you let go of that battle and allow God to take care of it for you...believe me....Greatness will beam from you like no other light can ever compare!!!

xxxxxx