Yesterday was another good day. Took my youngest into school for her first visit. She did so well. I had to distract myself to keep my tears from welling up in thine eye :) My girl is going to be fine :) I am believing with every experience I go through in this life that as it is a journey or an experience for one to become independent, to start a new life, it is a journey for another to learn to let you go and let you be. As a wedding is a big experience for anyone, if I could turn back time, I would spend more time with my mum and thank her for all that she has prepared for ...in that moment. Since that day, in understanding that it is a journey for two sets of people, first - the person going through the journey, second - the parent/partner learning to let go..it is a journey for them also. This understanding is helping me to be patient and more understanding. I am thankful.
Before last night's upset :( in the Samoa Vs South Africa game (my brother plays for Samoa so the loss was a personal hit too)....we had our church service. Last night's word was to some a conviction and a reminder of what Jesus did for us, but for me I felt happy and joyful in the moment. With this journey I am going through, I don't feel that I need to cry out to ask for help because I know that my good Lord is with me all the time. He is not a "Sunday only" God to me, he is my every day God. I am seeing the fruits of my journey not only in the physical sense, but spiritual. My husband said to me the other night that I'm different. I am really happy. That made me feel good because I do. I do feel happy. I finally feel like I can enjoy life because my change is not for anyone else. It is for me and for my purpose to serve God as long as I can in this life. I think some would be too afraid to listen to the Word/Sermon at church because they are afraid of what they might hear. So some would either not turn up at all or if with their little ones, use them as a distraction..."oops gotta change a nappy" or "baby's hungry. Gotta feed them". No matter how hard you try to avoid it, the message will come to you in some way or form. Our decisions are driven so much by our emotions that it could lead us to not ever trying something. I am such an emotional person, probably more so that most. I used to hide my tears from people to avoid being teased (especially in movies) but I've accepted, this is the way I am made. My tears are an expression of how something has touched me whether it be out of sympathy, anger, passion. This is me. :) Because I have accepted the way I am, I am learning to create ways to dealing with things and learning to work around the emotion so that I can still achieve the desires result whether it be disciplining my children, discussing household matters with my budget-tight husband or delivering a testimony to my church about how good my God is to me. There is a way....God can make a way.
The main message I got from last night which I felt aligned to what I'm going through at the moment was Proverbs 3: 6 NIV "In ALL your ways acknowledge Him, and He will set your paths straight". I like this, because this is the exact change I am trying to have. Changing ALL areas of my life. I think a change is effective when you address each area that needs to be improved. I am enjoying giving myself alternate days to improve things i.e. Exercise one day, Spiritual the next...Whether you believe in God or not, we are built to believe in something. Believing in a higher power. My higher power has a name ....God. He has done so much good to me how can I not continue looking to Him for help.
This weekend is the 11th anniversary of becoming a born again Christian and meeting my husband :).. .11 years sounds like such a long time for some but honestly it feels as quick as taking a breathe, and all that I really remember...that I choose to remember is the goodness that God has done for me. There is a reason why it is called the PAST. It is a moment GONE BY and yet so many of us keep making the PAST our PRESENT AND OUR FUTURE. With every passing second, minute, hour etc we improve on that time gone by. We move on. We move forward. I am thankful that I am fully aware now of how that time is spent. Yes there are still habits. I am not perfect :)....but self awareness is there...next is ACTION!....I am determined today to improve on that last second, minute, hour spent.
I am heading to Auckland next week for two weeks. There is no internet connection at my parent's place, which at times is a relief :), but with my journey to improve my temple, I am determined to keep my blog going (spiritual journey) and will walk to the library every day to make a new post. That will be an hour walk every morning! I am excited because I know I can do it. If I could walk to college every day back then...I can still do it now :)
In ALL my ways I will acknowledge Him because He gives me the strength to do ALL THINGS!!! xxxx
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