On the outside I look calm. Sitting at my dining room table. My girls are playing in the room with their guest. I look at my ceiling and my walls where coloured flags hang from last night's Spanish Fiesta with girls from our church youth group.....but inside my mind I feel like I'm in the middle of a glass room, screaming my lungs out but the glass room doesn't seem to break. No matter how hard I scream, not even a crack appears on what seems a fragile surface.
Looking and the flags in my living and dining room, they may appear to others someone who is over the top when it comes to putting on a little dinner. Someone who pleases others and perhaps not her own family. Someone who does too much for her own good. But to me, I try to let these coloured flags remind me of the lengths I would go to, to serve my good Lord. My aim with these youth nights with our girls from church is to show them that with a little bit of effort you can enjoy a night at home without having to search the world to find things that are not good for your spirit or your body that you think may fulfil you. It has been our third youth girls night and I'd like to keep encouraging myself that they are worth the effort. The numbers were small last night, but I was encouraged by the fun that we had and by including an older member of church in learning about his latin american culture, I felt there was a spirit of inclusivity.
Our church is going through change at the moment. Change that will see our church break the mould with the conservative though pentecostal samoan churches. We are embracing the changes in society while making Jesus Christ continue to be the focus of change in anyone's lives and their families. I have so many ideas in my mind to help our Pastor with making the change. My heart is to want our "Launch" service to be a great opportunity where people, families and friends can come along and get to know us and the purpose of our church community with the hope of course they will want to be a part of our vision in building lives and families to impact communities.
But today, I just felt this build up of emotion swell up and burn my throat. Fighting back the tears of frustration I had so many thoughts running through my mind of feeling unappreciated and discarded. My spirit is telling me that this is all silly because like I say, people base their opinions on the little information they have or are given. So I know that not everyone would realise the nights that I stay up late trying to come up with ways to help our Pastor and our church community to make the most of this opportunity to serve God. So how can I be angry at anyone, when only God knows how much effort and work I put into things. Yes there is a bit of money spent on things, but they were spent with good intent. My heart is always and will be to do what I can to serve our God. I know that he will bless me and my family for the time and service that I give.
The flags in my house are a range of pinks, purples, greens, yellows, oranges and blues. They are bright, fun, and do give you the sense of feeling carefree. I look at them thinking..."don't worry too much about others opinions of your service...keep doing what you are doing....God sees it"....and that's all that matters!!
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