So I haven’t blogged these last couple of days. I had made a commitment to blog every day and to do that I will need to walk to the library every day to get internet access. The weather hasn’t been good lately but that hasn’t stopped me from keeping active. I exercised the day before last, and yesterday I had an inner “me” day.
Though I haven’t done much these last couple of days, it is teaching me to live in the “boredom”. When we are bored we have nothing to do. For someone who could not keep still, always feeling they needed to do something to prove their worth, doing nothing is a difficult thing to do. I once read to appreciate boredom. Appreciate that at times we need to do nothing. We need time to stare out the window and reflect. When we give ourselves that time off, no matter how short or long that time is, we will come back refreshed and revived. And that’s what I did. I just relaxed all day. I remember thinking during that time, that it was a blessing to not feel that I needed to be somewhere and do something.
It has been great to spend time with my family and my girls. I have been enjoying cooking meals for my family when they return from work. To be able to provide for them, in some way. It also keeps me focussed on preparing meals etc.
I have noticed that I am very conscious of, not just what I eat, but how much I eat (& drink). That has been going well. I am learning to eat things in moderation. But perhaps not just eating, but doing many things in moderation. This stretches out to what I do for others. Learning to say “No”. I don’t feel that I am disappointing people with this change of mindset, but I’m learning to give the best that I can, with what I have than with what I don’t have. And at times what I don’t have is …time and energy but I still give. It’s like making your car go the full distance on an almost empty tank.
Doing things in moderation affects my attitude towards things and people. I’m finding that I feel more patient, my mind is clearer and sharper. My healthy lifestyle these last three weeks has been really good. It is affecting how sharp my mind is.
I’ve been cleaning a few things in my parents house and came across a book that I gave my brother some years ago, Rick Warren’s “The Purpose Driven Life”. Just flicking through and reading the chapter’s of the book reminded me of how good his messages are. One chapter in particular talks about “What Matters Most”. In reflecting on the things that I do in moderation, I believe that I am learning to give my time and love to the things that matter most in my time. I read that it takes us a lifetime to learn the art of love. I am 33 years old now and only just learning to love myself. All the principles of living that have come to make up who I am are something that I must practice on in my family. Even as I type this I’m lying with my girls in the room and my youngest is demanding so much attention from me right now that patience is slowly leaving me and jumping out the window! My youngest daughter has eczema and has bouts of when she cannot sleep at night because she’s itchy. Sometimes we are up all night applying cream, using a wet flannel to cool her skin down, keeping the fan on in the room so that she doesn’t get hot. A few nights here and there isn’t too bad, but nights in a row can get a bit much. So with this going on learning to love sometimes comes across as a stern hard word to those we love! I try not to show my frustration when she gets that way. It’s so hard, and I know that doing two things at the same time only makes me even more frustrated. But in quiet times I think about my whole journey of trying to change the inner me….and that comes with learning to given my attention to the things that matter most…like my daughter itching in the middle of the night.
I am learning and I have accepted that my glass of experiences, knowledge and principles is not full yet and I don’t think it will be until the day my Lord calls me. But I am content with taking each day as it comes.
xxx
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