Day 45 - Results.....

I'm feeling good this morning. Woke up to find my girls were already dressed and its 8.30am!  Lately they have just been getting up.  It's great having a relative visiting because it gets my girls excited they want to get up straight away :).  I'm about to get ready for my appointment later this morning.

Of course I will blog later today to share whatever news God wants me to hear today.

God bless everyone!

5.02pm

Well I feel like I can do somersaults and flips because of all the pain relief I have taken to be able to do more activity than the usual resting at home.  I am dreading going to be tonight because that is when the pain hits me most...when I am at rest.

This morning, Ben (my brother) and I dropped Mira to school and Nia to her holiday school programme (Kids on F.O.O.T - awesome programme!).  We went to the mall to hang out for a bit until my appointment.  We had breakfast at a cafe and just talked about life, pastimes and family.  I'm going to miss Ben very much :(  The whole time we were walking around the mall I was very aware of how my body was feeling so had packed enough pain relief into my bag to last me through the day.

So we went to my doctor's appointment.  I asked Ben if he could come in with me.  I was happy that he said yes.  The doctor showed me the recent scan and compared it to one I had two weeks ago.  It was amazing to see how defined the infection was.  There was no doubt about it, there was definitely a bump in my spine.  It was on the verge of pushing onto my spinal cord.  I was amazed at how huge it was.  As we could see there was no change compared to the previous scan.  I didn't know what to say.  I was neither happy nor sad about it.  Speechless actually.  I tried to hold back the tears because I was beginning to think "you mean to say that after two weeks of medication, the infection hasn't reduced in size?".  Before I could let any more unsettling thoughts enter my mind I quickly changed the subject to "what next?".  The doctor said that what I had was rare and they have two cases in the hospital at the moment and they couldn't work out where its come from.  The doctor reassured me that things are okay because it is static and that I needed to schedule another scan/appointment in a couple of weeks.  More appointments. *sigh*.

I was then taken to another room to have my bloods taken for further investigation.  Waiting alone in the room with my brother I began to cry.  I just felt that surely, by now something should be working.  I had conflicting thoughts begin to form in my mind about doubt and faith.  A quiet voice was saying "Have faith. Have faith".  And then Ben thoughtfully reassured me that the positive thing about this was that it was not growing.  Yes, I should be grateful, I should give God all the glory that this infection has not worsened.  That quickly snapped the doubt out of my mind!  With every excuse I almost confirmed with my mouth I quickly replaced it with a "No, I am happy the result.  I happy it was not bad news".  So with that I will carry on, I will persevere until there is a change that will see things improve!  I have accepted the result and I will pick up my torch and carry on with the race!

My nurse came into the room to change my antibiotics.  She also reminded me that I am not going crazy.  I am not making it up.  I am normal.  And she is right.  I wrote earlier about beginning to think that I was making this all up.  But I am not.  I am not going to go down thinking this is all in my mind.  Through this illness my spirit has renewed, my mind has followed and body will too!

So there it is, I am going to continue with the same medication and let the doctors and nurses know of any new sensation that I feel.  With your prayers and support I will carry on! Thank you so much for your love!

The rest of the day I spent with my brother.  Shopping for a few things that I needed.  We almost caught a movie but couldn't bring ourselves to stand in the queue with all the excited tweenies and their parents waiting to see Twilight.  My thought was that it was amazing that I hadn't been out for the past nearly 6 weeks so I took advantage of the opportunity all the while regularly taking pain relief to keep the pain at bay .  I had a wonderful time just talking with my brother about a lot of things.  We picked up my girls and came home and now we are just relaxing until the man of the house returns from work.  Tonight is my brother's last night with us before he heads home to his beautiful family.  My girl's have enjoyed spending time with their Uncle Ben.  We will never forget this trip! Love you Ben, Linder and Lijah.

My Prayer

Thank you God for giving Ben the opportunity to come down and help us.  I ask that you bless his family abundantly for sacrifice their time, love and support to help me and my family.  I ask that you bless all my friends and family for their prayers, for their kind thoughts, for the support.  May you hear their prayers and bless them with all that you believe to be the best for their family and their situation.  I thank dear Lord for today's results.  It was not what I was expecting but then only you know what is right for me.  I put my trust in  you dear Lord and there is nothing that will stop me from seeking you in every situation in my life.  Forgive Father for your goodness that I cannot see nor hear I pray that my spirit may open further to accept the path that you have prepared for me.  I pray that this blog dear Lord continues to touch every person who lays their eyes on these words.  May these words touch them in a way that will open their hearts to receiving what is right for them and their families.  This is all to glorify you my Father because I am nothing without you!

In Jesus name

Amen!