Day 41 cont - A New Attitude!

I turned the telly on and flicked through some channels and came across Senior Pastor Tak Bhana of West City Christian Centre, Auckland delivering his message.  He talks about having the right attitude will lead to a successful life.


His message ( as always) was powerful to me and spoke truth to this moment in my life.  Having the right attitude about my illness.  I shared a thought with my friends the other night about the possibility of losing my legs to paralysis and God's will.  I feel at peace knowing that paralysis will not happen to me but if it is God's will then so be it.  With that in mind I have been preparing myself mentally if I am taken down that path and I see visions of myself doing all the things I normally do for God and all I ever see is my upper body moving anyway.  So I think...hey! I am still serving so I'll be okay :)  


I think about the time where in the bible Jesus prayed in the garden of Gethesemane.  In Matthew 22:36 - 46 Jesus prays that if it is possible for His Father to take this cup from Him, yet not as Jesus wills it but as His Father wills.  I feel like this when I think about my illness. Jesus prayed this three times before he was captured, before he continued with what He was called to do.  What this says to me is that no matter what the outcome for my life, I am to continue what I have been called to do.  Just writing this gives me a new attitude to look up and move forward.  


Despite my feelings about this I need to bare in mind how my husband and children will feel about what the potential outcome might be.  I asked Dan what he has been feeling about this whole situation.  He feels generally tired, but wishes that I could get better sooner (I had just told him that I am beginning to hate taking the medication - 14 tablets is much!).  My husband doesn't tell me much because he doesn't want me to worry about him.  When you're in a relationship it doesn't matter whether things are said or unsaid there will always be worry for each other.  My husband has done so well over these past nearly 5 weeks I have been ill to step up and take care of us and organising our girls days ahead which is amazing.  I think he has come to appreciate how much I do in the morning when he can just get up and go to work.  At times I silently wish for him to know that my life as a working mum is very busy.  He is definitely learning and in some way I feel much more appreciated and vice versa.


Yesterday my friend from church who dedicated a song to me had delivered a fruit platter, juice and a house plant.  It was so nice to see her.  I teach her son in Sunday School.  It was really nice to see him too.  She wiped tears from her eyes as she encouraged me to stay strong and that they're all praying for me.  It is always nice to hear positive words from people because it makes this journey much easier to bear.  My work colleague "Angel" delivered a large bacon and egg pie she baked for my family!  Such a blessing.  She also gave me a card from my work colleagues sending me kind get well wishes and telling me how I am missed.  Just seeing their handwriting alone makes me miss them more.  I am truly blessed in my workplace.  I absolutely love my job.  There was a time where I did not want to be there because of the bullying that was directed at me.  You'd think that once you move on from high school, that's it, no more having to face bullies but unfortunately the beast wore its ugly head again in my adult life.  But with God's grace I was pulled through.  He removed those misled people from my life, and also blessed me with a promotion!  Hence why I feel that I am meant to be in my workplace and learn as much as I can so that I can use my skills to serve Him which I have done and am loving it!

So my girls stayed the night at their cousin Hezekiah's place and came home with a lovely decoration for me.....so awesome!!!  I thank the Lord for my family and friends making this experience something that my girls will not remember as being when mummy was very sick and she stayed in hospital but something that they remember as being fun and spending time with family and friends which positively flows onto everything else in their lives like their school work.  My girls feel so loved by everyone, and their help is evident in my girls upbringing thus far!  Bless you all.....


Here's a picture of what my girls made last night...