I woke last night to an image of a woman in my room. She was standing over my bed with something in her hand that looked like a basket. She walked over to my side of the bed and then I screamed and called out for Dan I started kicking the woman away from me. I sat up and started crying. I wasn't dreaming....it took me a while to settle down and eventually fall back to sleep with the lights on.
About 12 hours earlier, while catching up with my friend we talked about one of the side effects of the medication that we were taking, one of them being hallucinations. I had noticed over the past week some black blurry images on the corner of my eye but last night was something of a nightmare. It didn't feel positive that's for sure. Back to present day I raised possible side effects with my nurse and was told to bring this up with the doctors. Because the medication I am on is morphine based and is a high dosage it's worth talking about.
On a more positive note....
My day today has been okay. I feel a little clearer about things. I can see that Dan's patience is starting to wear a little thin and of course it would. It's not easy for a husband/father to take on the mother role as well. Though I appreciate that this is an opportunity for Dan to understand what things are like for me as the mother/wife of our family, I know how pushed outside of his limits he feels right now. This is a season for both me and Dan to learn more about patience. Patience with each other. Which we can never get enough practice of I think.
I'm feeling mentally ready to start my school work. Semester 2 starts today. My body has been okay it's starting to hurt a little which has been a very long time since it felt as though the pain relief has worn off. Before I fell sick I was starting to take good care of myself having lost 8kgs since the start of the year. Exercising and eating well. I've been out of it since the end of May. My cross-trainer is staring me in the face but I can't use it and run the risk of doing something worse with my back. This week I'll start with water. I have been drinking juice so much from visitors bringing me bottles of juice I've just gotten use to it. I've been reading comments about a relative of mine completing another 12 week biggest loser challenge. She has done so well. To even consider another 12 week challenge is crazy but it's so motivating. To be around a group of motivated family and friends who support each other to finish the challenge is great. I have a goal to get down to a healthy size by the time I graduate which I am hoping to be May next year. That will be 7 or 8 years of study! Yes it is a long-time but visualising myself walking down the aisle and seeing big smiles on the faces of my family will be worth it.
I just got a call from my aunty while writing this blog. She is so great. Because I got my wires crossed as to which week my other brother is coming down. She is going to look into coming down tomorrow. What a blessing!!!
Tonight Dan and I will spend some quality time together to talk about ourselves and not this illness. I think it is important for a married couple to get in touch with each other about how things are going when going through something as serious as this for the period of time we are going through this illness. I look forward to spending some time with him tonight.
It's a short message today because I am tired and need to catch up on some sleep.
So early night tonight.
I hope you have all had a good day today, this is me signing out....
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